So, you heard that introverts were secretly the best girlfriends, and you successfully wooed one. Now what? Dating an introvert can seem like a daunting task, especially if you don’t fully understand what introversion means. Thankfully, though, we’ve outlined this handy guide of the top ten things you need to know about sex with an introvert. For best results, read through this guide before having sex with her for the first time – she’ll definitely appreciate it!

Sex is more exhausting for us.

Sex is an inherently exhausting activity already, but introverts have a particularly hard time recuperating afterward. This is because is physically and mentally draining, and if she feels even the slightest bit pressured into it, it’s going to be emotionally draining, too. Give her time, and she’ll warm up – it’s not a race to the finish.

It’s hard to talk about what we really want.

Many introverts have a hard time expressing what’s on their mind – even if their happiness depends on it. It’s not because we don’t like people, or because we’re too sensitive about what other people think of us. It’s because small talk feels like a barrier placed between people, and it’s super awkward to start a conversation with sex as its primary focus. Still, if we tell you we want or enjoy something, don’t take it lightly – we’ve thought it through before saying it out loud.

Intimacy comes long before we do.

Where extroverts tend to thrive on physical closeness first, introverts prefer to get to know someone deeply before we open ourselves up to them. This means that we take a little longer to get close to, but once we do let you in, you better believe we’re excited about it. We need foreplay every time to help us get comfortable, and it’s always a good idea to ask permission before pressing forward.

Observation is essential.

Introverts are naturally observant of the world around us – we’d prefer to sit on the sidelines watching others have fun than actually participate. It’s not because we’re boring, it’s because we take note of all the details. We’re responsive to our partner’s needs, and we expect a partner who can be responsive to ours, too. This attention to detail makes us excellent lovers, but if you aren’t equally perceptive, your introvert lover might get bored.

Distractions happen sometimes.

While no one is completely prone to distraction, it means something totally different to an introvert. Extroverts tend to be more easily distracted in environments that lead them bored and unstimulated, while introverts are more likely to wander off if there’s too much going on. Rest assured that, just because her mind isn’t totally present when you’re being intimate together, that doesn’t mean she’s not enjoying herself – it means she’s enjoying herself so much that her mind can’t focus on any one thing.

Casual sex can be super awkward.

While most of the introverts I personally know have tried casual sex a time or two before, it usually isn’t “for” us. We’d prefer to form a deep emotional bond with someone, baring our soul before our body – and even that, slowly. We’d rather keep a few people extra close to us than have hordes at arms’ length, so we don’t like to spend a lot of time or energy on people we don’t expect to speak to again.

It’s hard for us to get things started.

Introverts are more likely to be satisfied with less sex than their extrovert partner, which means we’re probably not going to bring it up when we want it. Even when we do want it and it hasn’t been initiated yet, we may be reserved because we’re still thinking things over. Having a partner who can take charge of the situation is wonderful, and a partner who knows how to properly use teasing as a sexual tool is sure to please for years to come.

Our fortress of solitude is not for sex… Usually.

Everyone needs their own space from time to time, but an introvert’s need for alone time is much higher than an extrovert’s. We prefer to have our own safe place to retreat to, somewhere quiet where we can recharge after stressful situations. Since sex is a pretty tiring event, we probably won’t want to stay long after – we need to get back to our comfort zone to rest up. If we bring you into our safe place, it’s important that you respect what it means to us – sharing our private spaces is very difficult for us.

We probably won’t be turned on after a party.

While extroverts may find the excitement of social situations arousing, introverts don’t get the same rush. The exact feelings may be different from one introvert to the next, but most of us would feel more comfortable if we had time to recharge in between. Many introverts prefer morning sex as our social batteries have had time to recharge – we don’t feel sexy when we’re drained from the day’s interactions.

Sitting silently afterwards is 100% not weird.

As much as we value our alone time, introverts also enjoy spending quiet time with the people we need in our lives. Sometimes that means cuddling, once we feel comfortable sharing our space with you, but mostly it just means stolen moments of silence in between activities. We don’t need to fill the air with empty words – we’re comfortable just being near you, and that really is special.