I’ve never been a very emotional person, at least not on the surface. Growing up I was taught that “extreme emotions” – such as those that would make you yell or cry or smile with teeth – were to be avoided, when possible. (I had a crooked, awkward smile – to this day, I still feel pretty awkward about my smile.) While it could be argued that this type of a home life isn’t really good for a kid to grow up in, it did teach me a lot of useful skills. If someone knows how I feel, it’s because I want them to. And if I don’t want them to, they’ll never know.

All right, maybe when I put it that way, it does sound a little bad after all.

Truthfully, this control over my emotions has come in handy on multiple occasions, although it probably doesn’t help my anxiety or stress levels too much. It’s a very special feeling of control when you can keep your emotions in check until it’s a more appropriate time. Whether it’s good or bad, it definitely has a profound effect on the way the emotionally intelligent show their love.

1. Confidence is key.

If we don’t feel confident about something, we’ll never let it show. Our emotional visibility is directly related to how much we want our feelings to be known. There may be a bit of “fake it ‘til you make it” going on – but only because that’s proven to work.

2.    We love being affectionate – but only on our terms.

Emotionally intelligent women are very selective with their affection, so if they’re showing you extra attention, it’s because they genuinely want to. You’re definitely not getting anywhere until we’re sure you won’t break our hearts.

3.   We like to take extra time getting to know you.

We’ll ask you a million questions to make sure you’re worth our time. Sure, it might seem counter-intuitive to spend that much time right from the beginning, but we’ve got important assets at stake here – it’s worth the effort.

4.   We don’t bother playing games – and we will be pissed if you do.

All those silly little games in the dating world are not going to get any attention from us. We’re not going to chase you if you start playing hard-to-get. But you can rest assured that we’re being true to you – we don’t half-ass our relationships.

5.   We appreciate a challenge.

If you find fault in something we do, we want you to tell us – as soon as possible. We realize that you can’t grow as a person until you’ve identified your weaknesses, and if you point them out to us, we can identify them faster.

6.   We won’t hesitate to challenge you, either.

We will make you question your beliefs, probably as often as possible. It’s not meant to be mean, and it shouldn’t be taken the wrong way – we’re just trying to understand why you feel the way you do.

7.    We want to hear what you have to say.

We might talk a lot (sometimes), but we’d love it if you talked more, too. We’re interested in your opinions, your thoughts, your feelings… All of that. We want to soak it all in and understand you, inside and out.

8.   We’re usually a good judge of character…

We notice a lot of the little clues that most people don’t notice. We can tell, at a quick glance, if you’ve been biting the skin around your nails (which is an indicator of stress). We can tell if you’ve suddenly changed your behavior to match your mood, and we can usually predict a problem before it becomes a problem.

9.   …but it’s devastating when we get it wrong.

We’re not too great about being proved wrong under normal circumstances, but when we trust our intuition and it fails us, it’s a special brand of pain for us. If you let us down, after we drop our walls for you, we’re going to evaluate it for a long time afterwards.

10. Empathy comes naturally for us, and we forget that’s not the case for everyone.

We’re so used to seeing both sides of every story, it’s sometimes hard to remember that’s not a skill for everyone. Be patient with us, and remind us that you can’t read our minds.

11. We really do accept you – so don’t screw it up.

When you’re in love with an emotionally intelligent woman, chances are, she’ll know more about you than you think she does. We’re good at seeing past the flaws because we’re more focused on the bigger picture. Try to make sure it’s a pretty picture for us, and we’ll be yours forever.

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