There are certain phrases I should just never utter when I’m fighting with my girlfriend. It doesn’t matter how rational or irrational she may actually be because, when we’re arguing, the majority of rationale has already been tossed out the window.
In that moment, she feels as if her emotions are completely justified, so when I decide to use any of these phrases, I’m mostly nullifying and invalidating them. Well at least I can admit it now ☺
1. “Relax.”
What I really mean: “Oh babe, don’t get so worked up, it’s really not a big deal.”
What she hears: “YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR F*CKING MIND.”
Why I should just shut up: Because no matter how sincere I am, this phrase is the quickest way to ignite the fire that’s already blazing.
2. “You’re crazy.”
What I really mean: “You are acting completely irrational and out of character.”
What she hears: “What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”
Why I should just shut up: You ain’t seen nothing crazy until you label a woman as such; they take it as a challenge.
3. “My ex never did this.”
What I really mean: “Someone I dumped so I could upgrade to you wouldn’t even pull a stunt like this.”
What she hears: “She hates me;” “I’m about to be dumped;” “FML.”
Why I should just shut up: This is a low blow and should never ever be uttered.
4. “It’s not that big of a deal.”
What I really mean: “It REALLY is not that big of a deal.”
What she hears: “I don’t care about you at all.”
Why I should just shut up: It minimises her concerns.
5. “It’s all in your head.”
What I really mean: “I’m not sure why you would think that when there is no logical reason to…”
What she hears: “You are creating problems that don’t exist because you’re being paranoid for no reason.”
Why I should just shut up: It insinuates that she crazy.
6. “You look fine.”
What I really mean: “You look good.”
What she hears: “You look absolutely awful”; “You look like nothing special.”
Why I should just shut up: I should just tell her what she wants to hear, it’ll only helps me out in the long run.
7. “Whatever.”
What I really mean: “I give in! You win!”
What she hears: “I couldn’t give less of a sh*t.”
Why I should just shut up: She doesn’t believe for a second that I actually don’t care.
8. “I’m not mad.”
What I really mean: “I am actually not mad at all.”
What she hears: “I am actually pissed and you definitely do not want to hear how I really feel.”
Why I should just shut up: She knows I’m really pissed even if I don’t know it.
9. “You look the same.”
What I really mean: “That is the best f*cking haircut I have ever seen in my whole life!”
What she hears: “Did you just waste £100 to look exactly the same?”
Why I should just shut up: No matter, what tell her she looks great.
10. “It’s fine, no one will notice.”
What I really mean: “I can’t even tell that pimple is there.”
What she hears: “We did a half-ass job of covering up our blemishes and now you know exactly where they are.”
Why I should just shut up: Just pretend – “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
11. “I need some space.”
What I really mean: “I just need to focus on work right now; I have a very busy work week.”
What it means to her: “You’re a suffocating monster.”
Why I should just shut up: Because the opposite would be much, much worse.
12. “…Then why are you even her friend?”
What I really meant: “Why are you wasting your time with someone you clearly can’t stand?”
What she hears: “You are an irrational human being.”
Why I should stop using it: She needs someone to vent to about her friends and it’s in your job description to fill this role.
