A survey carried out by Autostraddle carried out a sex survey on women who were in a relationship with other women. 88% of the women who took part said that in an ideal world they would be having sex multiple times a week, but the reality is that only 38.8% are having sex that frequently. Around 40% of the women also said they were unsatisfied with their sex life and couples who had a lot of sex said they were very happy with their relationship. So, what are the reasons we are not having more sex?

Lesbians have sex for a long period of time.

Apparently the average couple have sex for around 30- 40 minutes and some reported that they would have sex for up to 2 hours. It takes a woman 15-40 minutes to achieve orgasm which is why our sex takes longer, so in some cases we simply just don’t have enough time to have more sex.

Depression

Depression affects more women than men and LGBT folks have a higher depression rate than others. Loss of sex drive is a common symptom of depression and is another reason we are not having as much sex as we’d like.

Taking Anti-depressants

This was the most popular reason in the survey as to why women are not having as much sex as they’d like. Anti-depressants have side effects such as low libido, vaginal dryness and problems reaching orgasm. This takes its toll in the bedroom and is a real issue for many.

Dealing with sexual trauma

Apparently 44% of lesbians and 61% of bisexuals have experienced sexual assault, physical violence or stalking from an intimate partner. Enduring this type of trauma can leave women with trust and sex issues that can take a very long time to overcome.

Not wanting to have more sex

Some women are happy enough to just share intimate moments with their partner like holding hands and cuddling and don’t necessarily want to have more sex than they are having. Another reason is women have lower sex drives than men and are content with what they get. It’s important as well to note that some women are asexual and although they are in romantic relationships they simply don’t desire or have interest in the sex.

Being with the same partner for a long time

This is very true as the women who had the most sex had been with their partner for less than a year.  In the early days of a relationship it’s common to have lots of sex as it’s so new but over time that does tend to wear off. Sometimes the sex does decrease after you’ve been together for a long time. This can be for reasons such as busy work schedules, children, family commitments, housework and having a hectic social life. This is not necessarily a bad thing as a good relationship is about sharing and spending time together, not just about having sex.

Gender Dysphoria

This issue is common amongst transgendered women, especially during the transition period. Also some women can suffer from dysphoric feelings about their bodies that impact on how comfortable they feel in the bedroom.

Children

This was also a popular reason given as to why there is not more sex in the relationship. Children take up a lot of time and they can be quite exhausting which means by the time you finally collapse into bed of an evening all you want to do is sleep.

Money worries/working long hours

Women have less earning power than men and most lesbian couples both have to work full time to be able to pay the bills. Worrying about money or working long hours means that sex is probably the last thing on your mind.

Long distance relationships

There are not as many queer women as there are straight so we tend to meet people online or in social media groups that might not live in our area or even country. That means having more sex is impossible as you can only do it when you get the chance to meet up.

Menstruation
Our periods can be a real hassle at times, especially if you both menstruate at different times. That can mean up to two weeks of no sex every month if you don’t like to have sex while on your period.

Monogamy
35% of women who have been with their partner for 3 years or more and their relationship is monogamous have sex once a week or more on average. For non-monogamous couples in 3+ year relationships it was 55%.

Different sex drives
When a couple have different sex drives it can be hard to find a happy medium. One wants more sex and the other doesn’t want it. Finding a compromise can be difficult and this was another reason women stated they are not having more sex in their relationship.