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13 Signs She’s Not Taking Your Relationship Seriously

It takes two people to make a relationship last.
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Are you worried that your partner might not be as into you as you’re into her? Sometimes, despite our best intentions, we end up with people we just can’t make ourselves fall for. I’m not sure why we really bother trying to persuade our heart, when numerous chances have showed us that the heart definitely wants what it wants. Yet, still, we find ourselves stuck to people when we’re not really that into them.

If your partner keeps showing you these 13 signs, she’s probably not that serious about your relationship – time to get out before you get your heart broken!


1. She’s too busy for you.

I know, everyone has their own stuff going on, and you need to respect your girlfriend’s other priorities. But if she’s serious about the relationship, you will be one of those priorities. If she makes excuses as to why she never has time to see you – or worse, only has time to pop in for sex – she’s probably not serious about the relationship.


2. You don’t know anyone in her life.

Not everyone has the luxury of being able to bring their same-sex partner home to their parents, but chances are there’s at least someone else in her life that knows she’s into women, and she’ll naturally want you to meet them. If you’ve been seeing each other for a while and the subject of meeting her friends and family has never come up – or it’s been brought up by you and immediately shot down by her – you might want to question what she’s keeping hidden.


3. She won’t tell you about her past.

First, let me start by saying that trust issues are very real, and can be a problem for many of us. But you can’t have a serious relationship without trust and communication, so if she’s dodging questions and changing the subject any time the past is discussed, she might not be ready to fully commit.


4. You have to plan all the dates.

Some people (like me) are natural born planners. Some people (like my girlfriend) are not as obsessively inclined. In any relationship, there’s going to be one of you who’s better at it than the other. But if she refuses to even make an effort to plan dates and surprises for you, and instead insists that you should just tell her where to show up and what to wear, she’s probably not looking for anything long-term.


5. She won’t call you – only texts.

I’m not sure exactly where the ratio stands of women who love talking on the phone versus those who hate it, but even among those who absolutely can’t stand being on the phone wants to hear their partner’s voice from time to time. (Not that I’m talking about myself again or anything…) If your girlfriend sends you to voicemail and then responds with a text (and she’s not otherwise occupied), she’s probably not that serious about you.


6. You don’t know what her future goals are.

Future goals are another touchy subject, since not everyone knows what they want to do in life, right? But from a more practical standpoint, if you don’t know what your goals are, you’ll never achieve them. If she doesn’t have any long-term goals, she’s not really ready for a relationship yet. If she does have long-term goals and she has no desire to share them with you, you’re probably not a part of them.


7. She still talks to her most recent ex.

I fully understand that some people are friends with their exes. That’s all fine and dandy. But you can’t be friends with someone you still have feelings for, so if she’s still friends with someone she only recently broke up with, she may still have unresolved feelings for her – and it shows that she doesn’t respect your feelings. If she was serious about you, the respect would be there.


8. She won’t hold your hand in public.

Let me start by saying that different people have different levels of comfort with showing affection in public. Once you factor in the risk of discrimination from strangers and family, public displays of affection are even more difficult. But if she won’t show any affection to you in front of other people, such as hand-holding or shoulder-rubbing, she may be trying to keep you a secret.


9. She often bails on plans together.

Sometimes, things come up, and it’s hard to do the things you planned for. You can’t plan on life, after all, and there are unexpected detours around every corner. But if it seems like she’s blowing you off, especially if she can’t be bothered to let you know something came up, chances are you’re not a priority in her life.


10. You spend more time being worried than happy.

It’s never going to be sunshine and rainbows every single day, but most of the time, your relationship should make you happy. If she seems to make you insecure and irrational on purpose, and she never does anything just to make you smile, she’s probably not into it with as much as you are. (Just make sure you’re evaluating your own emotions appropriately, too.)


11. She isn’t trying to get to know you.

When you meet someone you care deeply about, you feel like you’ve known them your entire life, which makes it easier to talk about what makes you you. But if you don’t really care that deeply, you’re not going to care what makes the other person how they are. Does she tell you things about herself and then attentively listen to the responses? Or does she only want to talk about the present moment or herself?


12. You’ve never seen her place – you always go back to yours.

Some women might be a bit uncomfortable with how their abode stacks up against their girlfriend’s. But if she’s serious about you, she’s not going to keep that a secret – she’ll just try to make her place look as presentable as possible, and invite you in. If you’ve never seen further than her front door – or worse, not even that – and she’s been back to your place more than a dozen times, she probably doesn’t expect you two to last.


13. She flirts with other women (or men!), right in front of you.

One of the most blatant signs of disrespect early in a relationship: The overt flirt. Some people have a flirtatious personality, and they can’t even seem to help it. But if she truly cares about you, she’s going to do everything in her power to make sure she keeps it under wraps, at least while you’re around. (And, of course, the woman who’s in it for the long-term will make sure she breaks the habit when you’re not around, too.)

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Author
Barbara is a 26-year-old lesbian living in California with her partner (and their “fur babies” - an adorably chubby puppy named Porkchop and a ball python named Ru). In the spare time she pretends to have, she enjoys horror movies, music of all varieties, reading, and complaining about the weather.

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