Of all the stereotypes that befall the lesbian community, I think the stereotype about us falling for our (often straight) best friends is probably the most prevalent.
What’s worse is that we aren’t always open about our feelings – eye roll – so it’s entirely possible that we’ll both be crushing on one another and still not even know that the other person feels the same way.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, there’s also the possibility that only one of you is feeling it – which can create a ton of awkwardness, and could possibly rip apart the friendship. (You can’t be friends with someone you’re in love with, so if your crush progresses too far, things get really, really complicated.)
Obviously, we wish that people would just be a little more forthright with their opinions – even if we, ourselves, are not being forthright. But, assuming that’s not going to change any time soon, how can you tell how she’s feeling?
We’ve gathered up 14 clues that she might be into you. You’ll still need to ask her to be sure, but these are some of the most common signs.
1. She goes out of her way to be nice to you.
You might be thinking to yourself that this sounds like a real grey area. After all, you’re supposed to be nice to your besties… Right? But there’s a difference between “being nice” and “going out of your way”. If she’s picking up coffee on her way over to your house, any good friend will pick you up one, too. But if your bestie chooses to go to your favorite coffee shop, the one that’s all the way across town and way out of the way, she might be trying to let you know she’s into you.
2. She makes plans for just the two of you.
This is another area where things can get a little grey. Every set of friends will occasionally hang out one-on-one, and that doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s anything more going on. Usually, though, this happens when plans were made and most of the circle backed out. If your bestie is only inviting you along – and asking you at least a few days in advance – guess what? It’s a date!
3. She does the things she says she’s going to do – always.
This is something that can vary a lot from friend to friend. After all, some friends are reliable to a fault, even without any romantic attachments, and others are completely flaky no matter who they’re dealing with. Chances are, though, if she seems to make an abnormal number of promises – and does everything in her power to keep them – she’s probably feeling you.
4. She initiates conversations with you, even if there are other people around, too.
When you’re hanging out in a group with all your mutual friends, does she make a point to say hello to you – either before or after she says hello to everyone else? These two key shout-out placements both reflect a desire to show you special attention. When she says hello first, she could be communicating that you’re the one she’s most interested in. If she instead says hello to you last, she’s opening the door for a further conversation with you.
5. She asks about (and possibly teases you about) who you’re dating or sleeping with.
Although you may talk about your sexual exploits with all of your friends – or none of them – the friend who has a crush on you is going to inquisitively ask you about what you’ve got going on in your love life. It seems like she’s genuinely interested in offering her opinions, but most likely, she’s trying to gauge if she has a chance with you or not.
6. She sends you texts she’d be embarrassed for your other mutual friends to read.
Whether it’s emoji overdose, cheesy nickname use, or inside jokes galore, a friend who talks noticeably different with you, compared to her other friends, is probably crushing on you. (And, obviously, if she seems like she’s flirting with you in text messages, she most likely is – there’s a little bit of truth behind every “just kidding”.)
7. She compliments you as often as reasonable.
This one requires a little bit of careful deduction. On the days you’re feeling down, your friends are probably going to be there to pick you back up. But those days when you’re all dressed up for a date, and your friend makes a point to tell you how hot you are… It might not just be empty flattery.
8. She texts you for no reason, at odd hours of the day and night.
In our modern society, a text is the new way to call upon your boo – so if she’s texting you for no reason, or at times that aren’t really “reasonable” (such as 4am, or while you’re in the middle of work), she might be angling for something more. (Or, she might just be insomniac – it can go that way, too.)
9. She teases you a lot… But in a sweet way (if that makes any sense at all).
I’m not talking about pulling on your pigtails or making you cry, but she’s definitely going to crack a joke or two to try and make you blush. It’s all pretty harmless – or, at least, it aims to be – but you might feel like she’s picking on you in particular. (She totally is.)
10. She brags about herself to you.
We already discussed how it’s practically your friends’ jobs to compliment you when you’re feeling down – but talking themselves up to you? That’s a pretty sure sign that they’re actually trying to talk themselves up to you! We brag about ourselves in an effort to impress someone else, and to make ourselves look better. If the things she brags about seem to tie in with the things you’re attracted to, it’s probably not a coincidence.
11. She makes dirty jokes at your expense.
Sexual discourse will vary from one person to the next, especially since people fall at all different points on the spectrum from “coy” to “vulgar”. Whether it’s sly innuendo or outright air-humping you, the friend who has feelings for you may start to make sexual jokes with you right at their center. She may also try to pass it off as “just kidding”, but like we said before, there’s a little bit of truth behind every one.
12. She has a habit of “like”-ing every single selfie.
She never gets tired of seeing your face in her news feed or timeline – so she’s going to “like” everyone to make sure you stay there. She wants you to know that she’s digging you, but she doesn’t want to be forthright about it. (Although, you might occasionally catch her accidentally liking an Instagram picture from six months ago – just go with it, and pretend you didn’t catch her stalking you.)
13. She geeks out with you over shared interests.
Obviously, you’re friends because you’ve got something in common – but she might be paying extra special attention talking about your shared interests, or things that are similar but not the same thing (this will be her trying to recommend you other things she thinks you’ll like it – check them out, even if you’re not into her).
14. She spends (unnecessary) money on you.
Just like we said all the way back in #1, all friends are going to spend money on each other if they’ve been friends for long enough – it’s just how these things work. But if she seems to regularly spend her money on you, without you asking or reciprocating, 1) she probably has a thing for you, and 2) you probably owe her a couple thank-you’s, regardless of whether you’re interested or not. It doesn’t mean you have to date her – but you do have to be gracious with your rejection if you decide to take that route.