Nothing says romance, like a piece of crap you don’t need! So…. here are some tips on what to avoid getting your girl.

1. Edible pants

Nothing says romance like a ‘gift’ that’s both hugely impractical and extremely uncomfortable.

2. A diet book

Books can be great presents. But a diet book…. Hmmmm? This is SURELY an insult maker. Did you mean to tell your GF she needs to lose weight?

3. The L Word box set

You’ll spend more hours watching this, resenting them and bitching about life, than actually enjoying your relationship.

4. A virtual gift

It doesn’t matter what you choose from their large virtual selection of flowers, cuddly kittens, or dancing gnomes –  you will look like the cheapest tool alive.

5. A morphsuit

Wooo hoo, how to make your GF feel totally sexy –  have her squeeze herself into lyrical suit that shows off all her bulges. Awesome.

6. A musical vibrator

Hell no. Seriously are we looking for romance or comedy fall out.

7. Fireplace DVD

If you were considering a real portable fireplace, well, that’s pretty romantic. But you must be a close relative of the baboon family if you think you are going to get any brownie points with this gift. Seriously, she will be under-whelmed by this moronic attempt at romance.

8. Themed Underwear

Every woman wants her woman to look and feel sexy, but we know how this one goes… “Hey, it’s Christmas time, so let’s pick something up from the store that combines holiday spirit and let’s-get-it-on.” Wrong! Santa-themed lingerie never makes anything sexy.

9. Jewellery in box

Every year you watch the commercial where the guy is sitting by the fire and unveils this little velvet box containing a glittering necklace or pair of earrings and the girl looks at him adoringly, and you think, “I really wanna be that guy.” Then, you look at your wallet, and go get something made out of cubic zirconia and hope for the best. Wrong move.

10. A Real Kitten or Puppy

I know you think that kittens and puppies look really cute and cuddly, but they are actually more work then you think. And what happens if she starts resenting you for giving her all this extra responsibility that she never asked for, or worse, she starts letting it sleep in the bed and she fusses over it more than you.

11. Any type of gift card

Basically what you are saying is that Valentine’s Day is not going to be any better than any other day spent with you. If this is the best that you can do you are lucky to even have a girlfriend.

12. Household appliances

As soon as you enter the word appliance into the mix you have a recipe for disaster. Basically, you’ve just given her housework in a box.

13. Tattoo her name on your body

Not wishing you a break-up anytime soon, but the truth is not all relationships last. Tattoos on the other hand are permanent. And I’m not talking permanent marker that eventually comes off, I’m talking about ink injected into your skin kind of permanent.

14. A set of fancy scales

Again, unless you’ve got a fitness nut for a sweetie, you are essentially calling a woman fat when you give her scales to weigh her body. Do this and expect to be sleeping on the couch.

15. Nothing

When you’re at that awkward point in a relationship where you’re not sure if you should get her a gift, or not? Even if you did have the talk and agreed on not getting gifts, you’d be stupid to believe your girl doesn’t actually want a gift. Suck it up and break the bank, because the potential downside of not getting a gift could be disastrous.