- Statuses left, right, and center about “getting my dream job!!”
- The person who randomly takes up cooking a few years out of college and then posts nothing but pictures of the food they make, and even goes so far as to hashtag them on Facebook, which should be a hanging offense.
- That one person who posts so many pictures of their baby that you sort of start to question where the line for personal responsibility is when it comes to giving your infant a social media presence against its will.
- University announcements that sort of makes you think “Whoa, that person is still a Student? Aren’t they like, 30?”
- Photo albums of a wedding posted so quickly after the actual ceremony that you’re unsure whether or not there was a designated “Facebook wedding live-blogger” set up in the corner with a laptop connected to the camera.
- Long, defensive statuses about people “not respecting their life choices,” which nine times out of 10 means that someone made a snarky joke about their decision to get married or have a child.
- Photos from music festivals, but the mature, respectable kind that let you know they’re more interested in the music and less interested in buying burritos dosed with acid to do in their tent (an actual thing that they sell at All Good festival).
- Pictures of drinking that come with increasingly aggressive justifications in the captions. “I EARNED this pitcher of margaritas. #WorkHardPlayHard”
- Pictures of engagement rings, and by this I mean a photo album of 15 different angles of said ring and a few photos of the actual question-asking setup.
- Travel pictures that fall into the Eat, Pray, Love category and are heavy on the “discovering myself whilst riding an elephant” shots.
- Friend requests from people you went to middle school with over a decade ago, and who post those weird memes from pages like “I F@*king LOVE Science.”
- People who post rants about their job four days into working there, largely to remind you that they have a job.
- Combative statuses that take an odd amount of pride in the fact that the person is neither married, nor engaged, nor expecting a child, because they are just getting “more awesome.”
- Articles that casually let your whole feed know your socioeconomic bracket, such as travel articles about the “essential things to bring to Switzerland” or reviews of a Michelin-starred restaurant that you are “looking forward to trying.”
- Inexplicable professional photo as profile picture, which raises the questions “Who is just taking head-shots of you? What are these for? Was this professional, airbrushed picture of you specifically taken and paid for to garner Facebook likes?” (which honestly is a hustle I respect and embrace myself). Long live the pointless professional Facebook picture.
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