I’ve never really bought into the whole “U-Hauling” idea. I know, it’s really a stereotype that’s largely unfounded, but I honestly can’t wrap my head around it. Then again, I’m really big on my personal space, and tend to move around a bit – staying in one place for a long time doesn’t work for me, and when you live with your girlfriend, there’s always going to be more than just you to think about.

That’s not to say that I haven’t had live-in relationships – I have. I’m in one right now, actually, and most days, it’s sort of nice. But before moving in with your girlfriend, you’ll need to understand that it’s not a simple one-step-and-done process. Moving in with your girlfriend is probably going to change your whole life, and it’s up to you to make sure the changes are good.

1. The relationship is going well.

Maybe you’ve been together for long enough that you “should be” living together by now. (As a side note, this “should” is completely arbitrary – there’s nothing wrong with not living with your girlfriend, as long as you make time for each other.) You might think that it’s the right time for you personally… And that’s good.

2. You notice you spend all your time together anyway.

Whenever you have free time, it’s usually spent together. Of course, this is how it fits around everything else – work, housework, school work, hobbies, family gatherings…

3. You have The Talk.

You bring it up to your girlfriend, as you should, and you talk about it. Maybe it’s easy for you, and you immediately start planning. Maybe it takes a little longer as you have to work out every detail. No matter what, it’s definitely going to be a talk – you can’t just decide to move in with someone without at least bringing it up first.

4. You start working out the details.

Will you live in an all-new place together, or will one of you move in with the other? This is an important thing to think about – but there’s not a single right answer. It’s probably easiest if one of you was already living in a big-enough-for-two area, but in my experience, that tends to leave the newcomer feeling like they’re being invited as a guest, instead of feeling like you’re equals. Maybe moving into her place wasn’t an easier option. Better start looking into those apartments after all.

5. The realtors will probably assume you’re roommates or sisters.

Even if one of you is obviously a stud and one of you is obviously a femme, unless you’re looking in a specifically-gay friendly place, they’re probably going to keep trying to convince you that the two bedroom is just a little more, and no one will have to sleep on the couch…

6. You’ll decide on a place.

The place isn’t perfect – and, in fact, it probably kinda sucks, when you’re used to having that much space all to yourself, and now you’re going to be sharing it with someone else… But it’s cozy, and it fits in your budget, so you know you’ll find a way to make it work.

7. You’ll rent the fabled U-Haul.

Unless you’re lucky enough to either: a) own a pickup truck or van; b) have a good friend who has a pickup truck or van; or c) have literally only enough stuff to fill a few boxes… You’re going to need to rent a truck. And yes, you will feel like a stereotype the whole time. But, on the upside, you’ll learn how to drive a U-Haul.

8. You’ll have to share a closet.

Unless you took the realtor’s advice and upgraded to the two-bedroom, of course, you’ll be sharing a closet now. If you’re lucky, you’ll have a girlfriend with a similar size and style as you have. It hurts a little less to sacrifice something if it’s now an extra something.

9. Your pets will be pissed.

The cats will have to go in carriers. The dogs will have to be put in crates so they stay out of the way. In my experience, the pets don’t really like that – but you haven’t seen anything that quite measures up to a pissed off snake, let me tell you.

10. How will you ever choose what “duplicate things” to keep?

Chances are, you’re getting along well with your girlfriend because you’re pretty similar. There are bound to be some things you both have – such as The L Word DVD sets, flannel bed sets, and of course your trusty (but well-maintained) toys. Whose stays out, whose gets sold in your housewarming yard sale (please, not the sex toys), and whose gets packed into storage? Better rent a storage unit, just in case.

11. Your clothes will mix together.

No matter how diligently you sort your clothes apart from her clothes, at laundry time, everything becomes fair game again. My girlfriend still accuses me of “sabotaging” our favorite hoodie so that it fit me better than it fit her. (I did no such thing, of course, but it has always looked pretty cute on me.)

12. Eventually, you’ll get used to sharing.

Maybe as a stem dating a stud, I sort of lucked out in this category. Thankfully, after a while, my girlfriend stopped complaining about how frequently I snagged her basketball shorts, and just started admiring how cute I looked in them. This is an important relationship milestone.

13. You realize how much the gay bar scene sucks.

In a span of a few minutes, you’re likely to see an ex-girlfriend, a bi-curious girl who’s just itching to ask you questions about “what it’s like” to be gay, the straight guy hoping tonight’s his lucky night, and a sexy single woman who were definitely not in the bar scene when you were “on the market”. Or maybe it’ll be full of other coupled people who are equally as boring as you and your partner have recently become. Either way, you’ll probably have a hard time finding a great lesbian bar to hang out in – so you resolve yourselves to staying in instead, and become even more boring.

14. Your girlfriend will find the mementos from your former loves.

And she will probably ask awkward, uncomfortable questions about them. Be very careful with your answers here – there’s a good chance she’s found the old love letters and already knows the answers, too.

15. Your neighbors will try their hardest to be super friendly.

After all, they want you to know that they’re totally not homophobic. They are totally cool with a pair of homos living across the street. And they definitely don’t mean that “in a gay way”. (How well does sarcasm travel through the internet?)

16. Your friends will mute you on social media, probably.

Selfies? Us-ies? Cat selfies? New bathroom selfies? New bathroom towel selfies? You love all of it, but your friends really don’t care. A few will probably toss a “like” on it just to let you know they’re still up on your life, even though you haven’t actually gone to see them in six months and you really aren’t sure how that even happened.

17. They won’t understand how you got so… boring.

But really, it’s just because you’ve seen how lame the bar scene is if you’re a coupled lesbian, and… No thanks. Besides, Netflix doesn’t require a bra.

18. She will see you cry.

Even if you’re not a crier. I’m totally not, and my girlfriend isn’t, either. But she’s going to see you cry. And poop. Because once you’re living together, there’s no more “I can just do it when I get home”.

19. You realize that you really like it after all.

She sees you cry, but she doesn’t hold it against you – she knows you’re still a badass. And all awkwardness goes out the window, because she doesn’t care how gross you are sometimes – she still loves you just the same.

20. Your pets are pissed again – but you are so happy.

Hey, you’ve settled all in now… Isn’t it time to adopt a new fur baby together? Sure, your other pets aren’t going to like it, but as soon as you saw his cute little face in the window, you knew it was meant to be. So, you get the cat, or the dog, or the tadpole, or whatever you get. The point is, it’s yours, collectively, and the perfect start to your future together. Congratulations – you have successfully merged. Now don’t forget to call your friends every now and then!