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21 Lesbian Jokes to Tell at the Dinner Table

Your family doesn’t quite understand your sexuality. They think lesbians do nothing but scissor and talk about how much they hate men. They’re wrong – lesbians also crack corny jokes.

After you try a few of these jokes at the Thanksgiving dinner table, your family will become much more accepting of your sexuality. Okay, probably not. But they’ll be so grateful that you’re not a full-time comedian that your sexual orientation won’t seem so bad in comparison.


I hope you’re hungry. I’ve brought my specialty: Blue is the Warmest Custard.

What do two lesbians eat at a carnival? Flannel cake.

Did you hear that Ellen gave $10,000 to two kids from Vine last week? They don’t call her Ellen De-Generous for nothing.

My dildo doesn’t work properly. Now it’s a dilDON’T.

My girlfriend and I are finally moving in together this Christmas! Happy U-Haulidays!

I put all of my gemstones on the shelves. Now I have several Ruby Rows.

I went to Home Depot to pick up a stud finder. Now I’m dating a butch lesbian.

Two lipstick lesbians had a very short fling. It was eFEMeral.

What does a black lesbian feminist say when she’s fed up? “Oh Lorde.”

To cure a lesbian with a sore throat, give her LGBTea.

What do you call a queer woman purchasing a vibrator? Buy-sexual.

When lesbians mix drinks, they use Ever-Queer.

My favorite song is “Hips Don’t Lie.” I play it at all of my lesbian parties because lesbians love ShaQUEERa.

Queer Italians eat LEZ-agna for every meal (but no meatballs).

My girlfriend and I bake our own edible sex toys. I love my new dilDOUGH.

My girlfriend thinks that she’s more masculine than me just because she owns a meat shop. She thinks she’s butcher because she’s a butcher.

Ellen Page is a shoplifter! They should call her Ellen DOESN’T PAYge.

I taught that young lesbian how to be masculine, and she turned butch overnight! She’s a quick STUD-y.

Where do lesbians stay when they go on vacation? A lesbi-INN.

My lesbian girlfriend and I are totally different! We’re a real DYKE-otomy.

She’s attracted to all genders and she looks great in trousers. She’s 100% PANTSexual.

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