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22 Thoughts You Have When Your Siblings Start Having Kids

Maybe I’d rather be the gay aunt than a parent.
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My brothers are a lot older than me. I’m talking like already done with puberty by the time I was born – yeah, I was not a planned pregnancy. As a result, I’ve been an auntie since the third grade – and I’d like to think I’m pretty good at it.

There are some special perks to this special position, of course, and there are some special responsibilities, too. If your siblings are just about to start having kids – and you’re definitely not there yet – I’m sure you can relate to these 22 thoughts.


1. This is great – I can just borrow a kid any time I get baby fever!

It’s like rent-a-baby.


2. This little baby is going to be the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

(At least until I have my own kids.)


3. But wait – if my brothers are having kids now… and I’m waiting for another 20 years or so…

…won’t my kid be too young to play with his or her cousins?


4. Maybe my brothers can just have more kids later.

Yeah, that’ll work.


5. I could get used to being “Auntie.”

Although my official title is Aunt B – only a couple of them call me Auntie, or Barbara. I’ll totally answer to it, too.


6. That’s got a nice ring to it.

When you have nieces and nephews at a young age, you love the authority of the title.


7. This picture would make a great background for my phone.

Cue 300 photos of your niece(s) and/or nephew(s).


8. And this picture is my absolute favorite – along with this one, and this one, and…

…and of course, you’ve got to show them to anyone who’s willing to look.


9. My nieces and nephews are so much cuter than so-and-so’s baby.

When you’ve got cute little ones, you can’t help but think they’re better than other babies. Because they’re your rent-a-babies, and they’re the best.


10. I wonder if people think this is my baby?

My nieces and nephews have, on occasion, been mistaken for my kids. And I don’t really see a need to correct them, right?


11. I need my baby!

Fun fact: When you have nieces and nephews, it’s probably a good idea to keep a car seat in your car. Just in case of emergency adventures (or trips to get ice cream).


12. Oh, don’t cry – I love you!

Because, inevitably, your nieces and nephews are going to want to go back home to their parents – but you’re determined to try your best to make them happy with you instead.


13. Can’t you just stay little forever?

Since I was 7 when my first nephew was born, that means he’s just about to graduate high school now. I think he’s even about to have a baby of his own, and I am just not ready yet.


14. My gifts will need to be super-extra-special.

Note to self: If you’re going to crochet something for them, make sure it’s a blanket. Kids hate scratchy sweaters, and they just don’t understand doilies and coasters.


15. How much gas money do I need to get to them?

One of my nephews lives across the country from me, but he’s going to be moving back this way in a few months. One lives a few hours away, with the brother I don’t really get along with. But the rest – the ones I see most often – are only a ten minute drive. (Which, of course, means I kidnap them every weekend.)


16. I need a bigger clothing budget.

My niece has a drawer in my dresser because she’s over here so much – and, admittedly, I spend more money than I should in filling it up for her.


17. I need a bigger toy budget, too.

Because no matter how many coloring books I buy them, they still end up taking mine.


18. I can’t wait to be the cool gay aunt.

And the amount of pride you hear when one of your nephews tells his uncool friend that he needs to “get over” the fact that you’re gay? Pure joy.


19. I think I’m ready for a baby!

As much as I take my nieces and nephews to get rid of the baby fever, it doesn’t really work, since the second they fall asleep in my bed, it all surges back – someday, this will be my everyday.


20. I am definitely not ready for a baby.

Truth be told, I’m barely ready to have pets – one of the perks of nieces and nephews is that you can send them home after. Thankfully lesbians have a pretty good birth control method… Wink wink.


21. This kid is going to be my everything.

While you’re still figuring out whether you’re ready for kids or not, your nieces and nephews are like your “practice kids”. You get the freedom of being able to send them home when you’ve had your fill, and also the freedom to pick them up pretty much whenever you want.


22. My brothers are so going to owe me.

If I charged my brothers for babysitting these little hellions, I wouldn’t need to work – but instead, I’m just racking up some free babysitting credit of my own. Score.

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Author
Barbara is a 26-year-old lesbian living in California with her partner (and their “fur babies” - an adorably chubby puppy named Porkchop and a ball python named Ru). In the spare time she pretends to have, she enjoys horror movies, music of all varieties, reading, and complaining about the weather.

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