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According Science Facebook Stalking Your Ex Seriously Will F*ck With You Head

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Ok, I confess. I once stalked an ex on Facebook, but I had plenty of good reasons to do so. I wanted to see who she was ‘hanging out’ (or more to the point dating). It turns out she was ‘hanging out’with a close friend, and they went on to start dating. Double heartbreak.

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At the time I thought none of my online stalking would do me much harm, but that was so not the case, I became obsessed with them. Unhealthily so.

A new report by psychologist Tara Marshall – a lecturer at the UK’s Brunel University London – suggests that Facebook stalking is actually a dangerous thing, which can lead to toxic feelings take over.

In an article for Quartz, Marshall wrote,

I’ve found that such Facebook stalking may obstruct the natural process of getting over an ex. More specifically, I found that this sort of surveillance was associated with greater distress over the breakup, protracted longing for an ex-partner, more negative feelings toward and sexual desire for the ex, and lower personal growth.

Marshall insisted other studies found those who engaged in mournful FB stalking were “six times more likely to pursue unwanted intimacy” with an ex (aka the ol’ backslide).

She also added,

If this preference for socializing online rather than face-to-face becomes excessive, it can interfere with close relationships, or performance at school or work.

When it comes to stalking in particular, Marshall claimed “low self-esteem, fear of rejection, and greater jealousy in relationships” led many to check up on ex-partners.

These elements are familiar to anyone who has loved and lost, making the time immediately following a breakup the danger zone for peeking at an ex’s profile.

Facebook have introduced tools to make an ex’s activity less visible without blocking or un-friending them, but the temptation to seek out hurtful truths remains.

Just as our parents had to learn the wistful drive by was only going to make life more challenging, we must accept, sometimes, forcing ourselves to turn a blind eye to an ex’s updates is the only way to stay sane.


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