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4 Signs Porn Is Damaging Your Relationship with Your Girlfriend

Is porn driving you and your girlfriend apart?
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“Why do I watch porn? It’s like, sometimes you want to go out to brunch with friends and all drink mimosas together. And sometimes you just want to have a glass of wine in bed by yourself.” – Maxine, The Carmichael Show.

It seems like just about everyone watches porn. Even straight women love lesbian porn. Like, they love it a lot. But is porn getting in the way of your romantic relationship with your girlfriend? Keep an eye out for the warning signs.

1. You prefer porn instead of your girlfriend.

Why do people like porn? It’s convenient, it’s free, it’s sexy, it’s adventurous and, let’s say, it does the job.

In comparison, sex is messy. Complicated. Dirty. Sometimes unsatisfying. And if you’re not into it, you can’t just switch partners like you would switch a porn video.

So it makes sense that you’d prefer porn sometimes. But if you run to your favorite websites before you run to your girlfriend, that’s going to drive a wedge in the relationship.

2. You want your girlfriend to act like a pornstar.

Pornstars are professionals with perfect, sometimes extremely flexible, bodies. Making porn is their full-time profession – that’s why they’re a star. Your girlfriend, as wonderful as she is, can probably not do all of the things that a pornstar can do.

3. You expect your girlfriend to have sex all the time, anytime.

What’s the best part about porn? Well, it’s free. But what’s the second best part? It’s on-demand. Whenever you’re feeling risqué, there are millions of videos available.

In real life, sex is not nearly as readily available, unless you spend every night at a sex party. Your girlfriend just won’t want to have sex sometimes. Sometimes she’ll be on her period. Sometimes she just won’t be in the mood. If you find yourself resenting her for that, take a step back.

4. You use porn to spite your girlfriend.

When your girlfriend doesn’t want to have sex, it’s tempting to load up your laptop instead. And that’s not always bad, as long as she’s okay with you looking at porn. But don’t do this all the time. It sets the precedent that if she won’t give you what you want, you’ll find sexual satisfaction elsewhere, which will just put more distance between you two.

Instead, when your girlfriend isn’t in the mood, talk to her. Do something relaxing like watch TV together. Cook for her. There are 1,000,000 ways to be intimate with someone, and most of them aren’t “sex.”

And talk to your girlfriend about why she isn’t in the mood. Maybe she’s been feeling stressed lately, or maybe she’s been feeling like she can never measure up to the women in the videos.

But remember, as long as it doesn’t get in the way of your relationship, porn isn’t all bad. In fact, you and your girlfriend can actually learn a few things from it.

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Author
J. Marie graduated from Duke University with a degree in International Relations and dreams of being a creative writer--dreams she's now realizing as a musical theatre writer in NYC. She's passionate about global black identities, black representation in media, and leather-bound notebooks. She also loves backpacking through a new country at a moment's notice, and speaks Spanish, Swahili and Standard Arabic.

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