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4 Things to Remember When It Feels Like Love Will Never Find You

Feeling worn out in your search for love? Maybe you’re forgetting these 4 things.
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The quest to find a new partner can be really difficult, especially if you’ve been out of the dating scene for a while. Sometimes it’s a lack of patience that’s driving us crazy – sometimes it’s an over-abundance of crazy that’s causing us to lose our patience. Either way, there are days when the hunt for someone spectacular seems like a dead end.

What are you supposed to do when it seems insurmountable? Maybe it’s best if you do nothing. After all, it’s hard to find love when you’re looking for love, and it’s hard to be happy when you feel like you’re wasting your time.

Especially if, inwardly, you know you probably are.

So what mantras should you carry with you when you feel like the search is especially tough?


True love is worth the wait.

I think this was something that an old abstinence group taught me, back when I was in high school – and I’m hesitant to include it here for that reason. But the truth is, it is worth the wait to find someone who’s just right for you.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t date your fair share of “the wrong people”, too. Life is all about experiences. But if you’re too focused on the idea of falling in love, you’re not going to be a good girlfriend to the partner you aren’t in love with.


True love is built by hand.

The notion of “love at first sight” is great, but it’s pretty much not a real thing outside of movies and television. You cannot love someone you just met. You can be infatuated with them, definitely, and that infatuation may eventually grow into love – but there’s no way to force something into being instantaneous.

“Love” is developed over time, pretty much on its own. This is different than being in love – which involves a personal choice and a great deal of hard work. Just loving someone happens when you take the time to get to know them, intimately, and you truly care about them and what happens to them.


Being in love is a chore.

It’s a wonderful, beautiful chore – but it is a lot of work. Being in love with someone requires dedication, honesty, loyalty, respect, communication, passion… Well, you get the idea. It requires a choice, even if this choice is not conscious (the romantic among us will find themselves doing these things for every partner, and may “fall in love” more than most).

The love of your life isn’t going to find you – you have to find an imperfect person, and be willing to make the commitment to turn it into more than that. Love has to blossom in its own time. More than that, it has to be nurtured once it does grow – you can’t just leave it alone and expect it to stay the same.


Love doesn’t matter if the timing is off.

If it’s not the right time, it’s not the right time. Forcing the timing is rarely a good idea, as it can just create different problems. I believe that everyone comes into your life just when they’re supposed to, and they leave your life just when they’re supposed to, as well.

Maybe you have met the love of your life, but you didn’t get a chance to say something because you were with someone else at the time. Does this mean that you missed your chance at love forever? Well, no. Humans are not, by nature, lifelong partners. We love the idea of a lifelong partnership because it makes us closer to the person we’re with, but if we were meant to mate for life, everyone would marry their first crush and divorce wouldn’t be a real thing, right?

I believe that there are multiple “right persons” for you, and that they will come into your life when they’re meant to. It’s highly unlikely that you will miss your chance with every one of them, so just be patient, enjoy your life, and be happy. You owe it to yourself!

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Author
Barbara is a 26-year-old lesbian living in California with her partner (and their “fur babies” - an adorably chubby puppy named Porkchop and a ball python named Ru). In the spare time she pretends to have, she enjoys horror movies, music of all varieties, reading, and complaining about the weather.

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