I’ve had friends tell me I’m the “worst” kind of lesbian. They mean it in a loving way, of course – but I’m that woman who collects pets and doesn’t have good fashion sense and falls in love too hard. Apparently, it’s part of my charm, but the way I am with woman is going to be my undoing.
I usually throw myself into my relationships too much, or not enough. I can’t predict which it will be, and I don’t usually catch it before it’s caused some problems. But still, like the romantic I am, I still love.
What are some of the bad habits women may fall into when they fall in love? Chances are, you’ve been guilty of at least one of these!
1) You become anti-social.
For some of us, a new relationship means we are going to completely disappear off the face of the planet. Literally I just found out that, in the time since I last talked to one of my best friends, she got married – and I didn’t even know she was dating anyone! That’s how long it had been since we spoke. It wasn’t just her, though – I’ve been pretty disconnected from most of my friends since my partner and I moved in together. I send some messages every now and then, but I don’t remember as often as I’d like.
For some women, it can be a battle to avoid “nesting” with your boo. I used to force myself to send out a bunch of “Good morning” texts to all my close friends, every morning as I drank my coffee. The habit held up for a few months – and then I became a Girlfriend.
2) You get addicted.
Addicted to your partner. To having sex with them. To the smell of their hair. To curling up next to them in bed. You know, I once heard someone say the difference between “stalking” and “love” is how attractive the person is. That might be an over-generalization, but when you fall in love with someone, you can get downright creepy.
If you tend to get over-attached, super-fast, the best way to beat this problem is to force yourself to have some distance. Make sure you give yourself enough room to love other people, things, and pleasures, too. You shouldn’t do anything that would break your partner’s trust – but you should make sure your life doesn’t revolve around them.
3) You get crazy jealous.
Let’s face it: Even the most secure, confident people can get jealous sometimes, especially when they think their love is straying. Emotions run wild anyway, so for those that find themselves at the uncomfortable feeling rumors bring, it’s important to realize what jealousy is rational (and should be acted on) and what jealousy is irrational (and is just a fear).
If your partner loves you, too, she will do her best to avoid any situations that make you rationally jealous – and you should be able to trust that this is the case. If not, you will need to reflect on why you are insecure about your relationships.
4) You merge.
I hate the whole lesbian “urge to merge” stereotype… Probably because I am super guilty of it. When I fall for something, I instantly start thinking in terms of we. I actually just had to remind myself the other day that I am still my own person. (Yikes.) But in most cases, a little time apart can do wonders for your dependence on each other.
Depending on your partner isn’t always bad, either. It’s only a problem when most of your life depends on the other person for you to be happy. Your partner should complement your life, not complete it. When you merge completely with your partner, not only are you denying your own right to be yourself, but you’re also denying your partner the person they fell in love with. Just don’t!