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40 Thoughts You’ll Have While Dry Humping Your Girlfriend

I’m not sure about your relationships, but my girlfriend is definitely a humper. Sometimes we joke about it (she insists she can’t fall asleep unless she humps me first – especially if I’m not giving it up that day – but I’m not convinced). Other times, I actually get into it and it works its way into “real” sex. But the fact remains that dry humping is pretty weird.

For most people, dry humping is that thing you do before sex. Whether it’s because you’re not ready yet (with this partner), you’re not ready yet (with any partner), or you’re not ready yet (tonight), dry humping can definitely set the mood for things to come. (Pun definitely intended.)

But what sorts of things go through your mind when you’re dry humping?


1. She’s literally just rubbing herself against my butt right now.


2. This doesn’t really do anything for me.


3. Oh wait, that moan in my ear does a little something.


4. If I moan back maybe she’ll fondle my boobs.


5. OK, she’s way more excited than I am – boob fondling is not the business.


6. For the love of all that is holy, please stop humping my butt.


7. Maybe if I roll over, she’ll hump my front instead.


8. Oh yes – now she’s on top of me.


9. Wait, why did she slow down?


10. Is she about to finish?


11. Nope, you’re not getting off if I can’t get off.


12. She’s trying to undo my pants. Do I let her?


13. She started teasing, so she should definitely keep teasing for a while.


14. Screw this, teasing sucks.


15. Wait… Teasing isn’t so bad after all.


16. Is it bad that I want her to beg for it?


17. Crap… I’m about to beg for it.


18. LOL, I can feel how wet she is.


19. Can she feel how wet I am right now?


20. Well, she definitely noticed – and for some reason felt the need to comment on it.


21. Why is someone grinding against me so sexy?


22. That face she just made isn’t very sexy, though.


23. But that moan definitely was.


24. Can’t we just get to business already?


25. Note to self: I am a classy lady.


26. Second note to self: Dry humping doesn’t make me feel very classy.


27. Dry humping makes me feel like a teenager.


28. Did I dry hump when I was a teenager?


29. I definitely dry humped my first girlfriend.


30. I wonder what she’s doing now.


31. No – stop! Don’t think about your ex right now!


32. Didn’t she eventually decide she was straight though?


33. Didn’t really seem so straight when she was pressed against me.


34. This dry humping thing isn’t really doing it – maybe if I take off my pants, it’ll work better.


35. I repeat: I am a classy lady.


36. Classy ladies don’t take off their pants right away.


37. But classy ladies don’t dry hump either.


38. Why can’t we be classy and still have lots of sex?


39. Why am I not having sex right now?


40. Screw it – let’s have sex.


Are there any thoughts I missed? Share in the comments some of the things that go through your mind when you’re dry humping (or being dry humped by) your lady!

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6 Comments

  1. Kat

    March 20, 2016 at 10:38 pm

    I think these may just be things you think of

  2. JR

    May 17, 2016 at 2:23 pm

    Agreed. Don’t think I’ve ever thought any of these.

  3. CJ

    August 14, 2016 at 9:37 pm

    I kinda lose track of thought

  4. LD

    December 27, 2016 at 3:17 am

    10/10 analysis.

  5. thebohomum85

    July 10, 2017 at 2:24 am

    Doesn’t happen like that IMO, if I’m seeing someone then I don’t over-analyse I am wholly in the moment.

    If they’re an absolute stranger trying to hook up randomly, they’re definitely getting SHUTDOWN!

  6. Oban

    July 18, 2018 at 5:34 pm

    Laughing because it was so far from what happen in real life.

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