True story; You meet a girl, befriend her, grow close to her over a period of time, become best friends and one day realize you’re perfect for each other.
In a way, it makes sense: she listens to your pointless rants and remembers your birthday, and you obviously enjoy hanging out with her.
But like any other type of relationship, this kind of romance isn’t always that simple. A strong friendship doesn’t necessarily translate into a strong relationship. Don’t jump into anything without thinking.
Here are five questions to ask yourself before turning your best friend into your girlfriend.
1. Are your feelings more than platonic?
Think about what you feel for your best friend. There should probably be some indication that you’re interested in something more than friendship.
Do you find her attractive? Despite her flaws, can you look at her and think she’s just the right kind of beautiful for you?
Does being with her feel right? Does she make you happy when she’s around, and does she seem to get you?
Think about your relationship with her, and how you’ve felt about her throughout the relationship. Has it gotten stronger over time? That could be a sign that a relationship might just work out for you.
2. Can you guess what her reaction will be when you tell her how you feel?
This is more than whether or not she’ll tell you she feels the same way, too. Although that’s the ideal outcome and the goal of confessing, you also have to consider what her response will be if she’s not interested in you romantically.
Will she be uncomfortable by your proposal, and will your friendship be damaged by the revelation?
That’s why you need to think critically about what kind of person she is, and how will you react to her rejection.
3. Do you see a future for the two of you?
After you ask her if she wants to be more than friends and she says yes, what’s the plan?
As close friends, you probably have a general idea of what her ideas for the future are.
Before asking her, you need to critically consider what her goals are, what yours are and whether the two are compatible.
After all, unlike the typical dating process, you don’t need to go through the getting-to-know-each-other phase and can skip straight to building a relationship.
You have to think about the future of your relationship before it begins.
4. Is she involved with anyone else?
You need to think about the cause and consequences of your confession here.
Is she seeing someone else? Is she happy in her relationship? Would confessing to her compromise two of her closest relationships?
And further, are you motivated by love or feelings of jealousy?
If your best friend has a girlfriend and starts spending more time with her than you, you may start to feel upstaged and like you need to do something drastic to win her back — like make her think she should date you instead.
If you’ve been her closest friend for a while, having that spot snatched can inspire some feelings of insecurity and loss. Make sure you’re confessing for the right reasons.
5. Do you think she could be a good partner?
Here’s the big question.
You could love her from the bottom of your heart, and she might even feel the same, but will she be a good romantic partner?
Think about her romantic history, how she’s treated her girlfriends (or boyfriends) and how she treats you.
Are there any red flags that would suggest she’s not necessarily as good a partner as she is a friend?
Don’t mistake closeness for love, and don’t mistake love for compatibility. You need to consider how her behaviour towards her girlfriend might differ from behaviour towards her best friend.
Don’t blurt your feelings out without thinking about the aftermath. Evaluate your relationship with your best friend. Does it need to be taken to the next level, and can it be?