It’s one of the milestones of a lesbian relationship. We don’t have accidental pregnancies, so instead, we accidentally fall in love with animals and then bring them home. In my case, I’m usually not the first to fall in love with the animal, but shortly after I’m tasked with taking care of it, I fall harder than my partner.
With my puppy, it all happened by accident. My partner had her dog for quite a while. I had a dog, too, but he was fixed – no risk of pregnancy there. Then, one day, my partner brought home this ugly little dog – and he got her beautiful black lab pregnant. A few months later, we had a lab-terrier-pit bull puppy who was goofy beyond belief. Still, I wasn’t exactly sold.
At first, everything was fine – the puppy stayed outside, with her mom. But after a little while, it became obvious that the mom wasn’t going to take proper care of her. The rest of the puppies had already died, and all that was left was the one little runt. I brought her inside and started bottle feeding her. She was on the chunky side, so I used her as a pillow.
Well… needless to say… My baby is definitely a Momma’s Girl now, and I am definitely Momma.
Whether your pets are your babies, your best friends, or just another part of your home, there’s a normal series of thoughts you go through when you invite these animals into your home. Which step are you on?
1. Why do we even need a pet?
2. We can barely take care of ourselves.
3. Aw, but he’s so cute though.
4. I guess it couldn’t hurt.
5. As long as my partner helps me take care of him.
6. (But maybe even if she doesn’t.)
7. Crap – what’s going to happen if we break up?
8. Who will keep the puppy?
9. Maybe we’ll just stay together.
10. For the puppy.
11. Do people do that?
12. Maybe the puppy will bring us closer together.
13. He pooped in the house.
14. Again.
15. It’s my partner’s turn to clean it up.
16. Of course she’s sleeping.
17. Fine, I’ll clean it up myself.
18. How can something so little make so much stink?
19. He chewed up my most expensive shoes!
20. I will never forgive him.
21. Aww… But look at that face.
22. OK, just this once.
23. How adorable is it when they beg to get in bed with you?
24. But my girlfriend will tease me if I let the puppy sleep in the bed!
25. She’s asleep anyway, though.
26. Who would even tell her?
27. Not Mr. Cuddles!
28. -scoops puppy up and puts him in the bed-
29. Puppy kisses are so calming!
30. Mr. Cuddles, don’t you dare tell your other mother I let you sleep in the bed.
31. Crap – she’s waking up!
32. Hide the puppy.
33. False alarm, she’s just rolling over.
34. Too bad she fell asleep before we could cuddle.
35. I guess that’s why we needed a pet, huh?
36. P.S., honey: Mr. Cuddles will be sleeping in the bed from now on.
37. You can thank me later.
38. P.P.S., honey, Mr. Cuddles ate the shoes you bought me.
39. Don’t hurt him – look at his poor pitiful face!
40. I know those shoes cost more than our television.
41. But look at that face!
42. Besides, he was your idea, anyway.
43. I would have settled for a Beanie Baby.
44. Remember Beanie Babies?
45. The puppy just chewed up your old collection…
46. Should’ve cleaned the room before bringing Mr. Cuddles home.
47. P.P.P.S. – I am so glad our birth control method is 100% reliable.
48. Puppies are almost as much work as human children anyway.
49. I’m definitely not ready to start a family yet.
50. Who needs a baby right now when we’ve got a perfect family right here?
51. But when I do, I want it to be with you.
52. I’m never going to give this up. ♥
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