I’m a big advocate for online dating. In the age of technology, it can become addicting to know all the important information about someone before you make things “real” and “official”. Truthfully, in the queer community, it’s often easier to date online, especially if you’re not out in your local community. But, as expansive as the online dating pool is (and as much as we advocate not limiting yourself to a certain “type”), there are some women you should probably avoid if you want to keep your sanity intact. (And, it should go without saying, but… You should probably also avoid being one of these women.)
The woman who’s already in a relationship.
This should go without saying, but if a woman is in a “committed relationship” and she’s not totally committed to it, she’s really not good relationship material. In some cases, her significant other might know that she’s looking for someone else, and in these cases, you can proceed with caution. But if her current partner has no idea that she’s looking for someone new, run. Fast and far.
It should be pretty obvious that a woman who’s only after your money is to be avoided. But you might think you’re safe if you don’t have a lot of money yourself. Truthfully, there are women who will gladly suck dry the financial means of another, rather than make things happen on their own. If she has no job, and no desire to get a job, chances are she’s just looking for someone to support her. Run.
There are so many different types of snobs. Some of them will look down on you if you come from a different background. Some will talk to you as if you’re a child. Some will make a point to tell you how much they’re not a snob, because, “look at me, dating you even though I’m better than you – so I can’t be a snob!” But these women are bad news. They’ve already decided that they are better than you, and will either date you out of pity or because they feel they have to be the “better” one in the relationship. Either way, they’re secretly not so great, and you’ll find that out pretty quick once you’ve started actually dating them.
The woman with her wedding planned out already.
Okay, maybe this one is a bit of a generalization. I was engaged to the “big ex” before my current partner, and we actually got quite a ways into our wedding planning before I finally admitted that she was horrible to me. But this is not something that my current partner knew from the start. If you haven’t even met face to face yet, and she’s already talking about “your” wedding or starting a family together… Get out while you still can. She doesn’t want you. She wants to be a wife. (And she may also fall under the “gold digger” category.)
The proud self-proclaimed bitch.
This one is pretty obvious. The woman who makes a point to let you know that she doesn’t care if she hurts your feelings, is never going to care if she hurts your feelings. You can’t magically fix her. You can’t make her stop being who she is. She can’t make you magically be less sensitive. If she hurts your feelings right away and doesn’t even seem to care, let her go – you can thank me later.
The curious woman.
Let me be clear: There is absolutely nothing wrong with being curious. Most of us identified as curious before we identified as bisexual or lesbians. There is nothing wrong with experimenting with your sexuality. But a relationship should not be an experiment, and if you’re dating a woman who doesn’t know if she likes women – and expecting something serious to come of it – you’re probably setting yourself up for disappointment. I’m not saying she’s necessarily straight. But she might be.
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