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7 Ways to Be a Better Ally

Queer women are awesome.

That’s why you’re on this site, right? Maybe you’re an amazing queer lady who loves to connect with other amazing queer ladies. Or maybe you’re just a rad ally who wants to be an asset to the queer community.

Here’s the thing. Sometimes allies make things worse. They don’t do it on purpose – but because they just don’t know what it’s like to be LGBTQ, they can accidentally do more harm than good. So how can you be the best ally you can possibly be?

Cisgender queer women, you’re not off the hook. How can you be an amazing ally to the transgender community too?

  1. Don’t assume someone’s sexuality based on their appearance.

Maybe that girl wearing flannel is a lesbian, or maybe she’s just a lumberjack. Maybe that girl with a buzz cut is a lesbian, or maybe she just got gum stuck in her hair. Maybe that girl with the carabiners is a lesbian, or…no, she’s definitely a lesbian.

  1. Don’t assume someone’s gender based on their appearance.

It might feel awkward, but always ask for preferred gender pronouns (PGP). You might be surprised by the sheer amount of wrong assumptions you’ve been making.

  1. Don’t assume asexual people don’t have sex.

Some asexual people never have sex. Some have a lot of sex but feel no romantic attachment. Some have strong romantic attachments but don’t really care about sex. There is more than one way to be asexual. Here are ten ways to get you started.

  1. Don’t assume all queer people want to have sex with you.

You’re just not my type.

  1. Don’t say “dyke,” “fag,” or “tranny” unless you belong to that group.

If you’re a queer woman, you might call yourself a dyke as a way to reclaim that word and empower yourself. The queer community did for, well, the word “queer.” But if you’re not from that community, using that word isn’t empowerment, it’s a slur.

And these privileges aren’t one-size-fits-all: Cisgender ladies, just because you’re LGBTQ doesn’t mean you can use the word “tranny.”

  1. Don’t assume bisexual or pansexual people are promiscuous.

Some bisexual people are sexually promiscuous. Guess what? So are some heterosexual people. And so are some homosexual people. And so are some rabbits. Whether you have a lot of sex doesn’t depend on your sexuality, it depends on how good you are at Tinder.

  1. Understand that the “A” in LGBTQIA doesn’t stand for “ally.”

Straight people, I get it. You support queer people and you would love to be included in the acronym, even if it’s just at the end. But the A isn’t for you. It’s for asexuals, aromantics and a-mazing lesbians.

Learn more ways to be an incredible ally at the Post.

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