Compliments are super weird. I’ve never been a very good compliment-receiver (I blame years of unmedicated anxiety and just a bit of stubbornness), but I do appreciate the effort that goes into a good compliment. That being said, there is a huge difference between complimenting someone and flattering them – and, sometimes, it’s hard to see exactly where the lines are. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy a little flattery sometimes, too – I mean, who doesn’t like hearing awesome stuff about themselves, even if they don’t really believe them?

But not all compliments are created equal. We’re going to go over the 9 compliments that are scientifically proven* to increase your chances of getting your crush to date you… Or, at the very least, make her whole day. Learn them, memorize them, and practice them – they might just save you from being forever alone.

(* = Note that there was actually no science involved with this post… But I’m still pretty convinced that they’ll help you out.)

1. Something sweet that boosts her ego.

Even the most grounded among us (which I’m assuming is not all of us) enjoy the pleasure of a simple ego boost. Whether you’re talking about the way she handles her business, the way she presents herself, or just her way with words, telling her that you wish your daughter/niece/little sister/etc. turns out exactly like her is a huge compliment. We all want to be someone’s role model, but we’ll settle for being someone else’s life goals. (Telling her you hope you turn out just like her is probably a great move, too – just make sure you’re not accidentally implying that she’s old. Calling your crush old has a 0.00001% success rate – it’s really not worth it.)

2. A reference to something else.

Maybe it’s just me, but there’s something super special about someone who tries to woo me with a line that she knows I’ll recognize. Sure, some might find it lame and cheesy and uncreative, but let me say that not everyone feels that way. If you take the time to reference a cheesy and/or romantic quote from something your crush likes, such as her favorite song or her favorite movie or even a book you know she loves (or that she should totally read), chances are, she’s going to be flattered that you took the time to make it relevant to her. Just don’t try to pass it off as your own material!

3. A hint at fate.

When in doubt, something like “I knew I just had to meet you” is a simple way to let someone know that they’ve already had an impact on your life. This is the closest (real) thing to love at first sight, and it’s bound to create a great first impression. Even those of us who are totally not into flattery are susceptible to charm if it doesn’t come with any expectations or assumptions. By letting her know that you felt compelled to introduce yourself, you’ll make her feel like she’s magnetic – and that’s a great feeling.

4. A carefully-played metaphor.

Maybe it’s just because I’m a writer, but I am a total sucker for women who have a way with words. When you craft a metaphor that embodies your crush, you’re painting a much more vivid picture than if you were being literal. Hinting that she makes you feel buzzed, without a single drop of liquor, can work wonders in your favor. Just be sure to avoid the clichés and typical platitudes that she’s already heard a million times – metaphors only work if you come up with them yourself.

5. Compliment her personality – not her looks.

Complimenting someone’s personality means so much more than complimenting her looks. Sure, we all want to feel attractive, but that goes a lot deeper than just surface impressions. Let her know that her personality is what you really value by complimenting her sense of humor, her intelligence, or maybe even her work ethic – but avoid anything that’s an obvious lie. She’ll totally know, and it will not be appreciated.

6. Compare her to the other important people in your life.

When you tell a woman that her cooking reminds you of home, or that she reminds you of your grandmother, it can be a great way to break the ice. Women know that the other women in your life can play a huge role in determining who you’re interested in, so make sure you’re comparing her to the great people in your life. Whatever you do, though, avoid comparing her to your ex or any of the other women you’re “talking to” – this will not go over well.

7. Tell her she makes you feel comfortable.

While too much comfort can break apart the real structure of a relationship, just a bit of comfort and relaxation can go a long way toward winning you a date. Let her know that you feel like you can be yourself around her, and that you want her to be her truest self around you, too. These words are like instant foreshadowing to your hypothetical future relationship, and you can bet that she’ll be thinking about the future after you’ve hit her with this one.

8. The detached compliment.

“Whoever ends up with you is the luckiest person in the world.” Have you ever heard those words? Sure, they seem cheesy, and they give a chance for her to respond with the friend zone, but if she’s into you, she’s going to love that you’re not projecting your expectations onto her. We all need a little reminder sometimes that we really do deserve the best – so make sure you make your crush feel like she deserves it all.

9. The indirect compliment.

Lastly, as great as it feels to receive a compliment from someone, it feels even better to know that someone is talking you up even when you’re not around – so make a point of telling her friends and family how you really feel about her. A well-placed compliment to her best friend will probably get back to her, and it makes it clear that you’re not just trying to get into her pants – you’re actually trying to build something with her. It also works pretty well after you’ve already won her heart, too – and what does it hurt to try?