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9 Reasons Your Girlfriend Is Cheating On You

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It’s a really sad day when you find out that the woman you’re crazy about has been cheating on you with someone else. Whether you find out she’s been sexting someone on the other side of the planet or you find out you’ve actually been the side chick for the last year and a half, the humiliation of having your expectations shattered by someone you see as just a random tramp can be devastating.

Chances are, however, that she’s not random. You have to remember that your girlfriend is the one who promised her loyalty to you – and, in many cases, the other woman is essentially innocent. Don’t blame a stranger for your terrible partner. Chances are, your partner was terrible before she got there.

1. Women long for affection, attention, and appreciation.

One of the leading reasons for infidelity in relationships is that one partner is feeling neglected, unappreciated, or sex-starved. In a perfect world, she’d bring this up to her girlfriend and they’d work things out, but reality doesn’t always work like that. When two women (who are both starved for these key components of love) happen to meet and start spending more time around each other, emotions and intimacy are bound to get confusing. It’s in our nature.

Now, this doesn’t excuse the act of cheating, and it certainly doesn’t mean the side chick should be protected from hearing the way you feel. Just remember that the other woman wasn’t the only one involved in the decision for your partner to be unfaithful. She might not have even known the position she was getting into.

2. Your partner felt it was OK to go behind your back.

Regardless of whether or not the affair was “justified”, your partner is the one who made the decision to keep things from you. Your partner is the one who opened the door for someone else to enter your relationship. In a truly honest relationship, one where both partners respect and value each other, there’s no opportunity for anyone else to step in.

In some cases, your partner won’t exactly “mean” to cheat on you. She might have been too drunk at a party, or gotten caught up in an emotional moment. This doesn’t automatically excuse her from what she did. If it was truly a mistake, she should be the first one to come to you – and not because she’s afraid you’ll find out from someone else. If she acts as if what you don’t know can’t possibly hurt you, she doesn’t respect you as an equal.

3. Being a side chick is less of a commitment than having a “real” relationship.

As unfortunate as it is, I’d be remiss if I told you that there was no such thing as a woman who prides herself on destroying relationships. These women do exist, and they’re some of the worst to deal with. They may feel that they’ve done nothing wrong, because they don’t respect the boundaries of relationships, or they might just not care because they’re just looking for an easy way to fulfill their physical needs.

Of course, in this situation, it’s still not entirely the side chick’s fault – she’s still only half of the equation. Even if she was totally on board with sleeping with someone who was already in a relationship, your girlfriend still allowed her to enter your relationship. Placing the blame entirely on this other woman, as easy as it may be to do so, is not the right answer.

4. Taboo equals thrilling.

There’s something intense about doing something you’re not supposed to do. It’s an adrenaline rush, and different people get that rush in different ways. Just as there are some people who get off on robbing banks or dressing up as bunnies, there are people who get off on being unfaithful. For some people, it may even be a part of their personality. These types of people tend to do better in open relationships, but not all monogamously-challenged people fully understand their relationship style.

Does this mean that you have to accept your partner’s infidelity, or forgive her and start again as a polyamorous couple? No – not if you’re not comfortable with it. The fact still remains that she snuck around behind your back and did something she knew you wouldn’t be comfortable with. However, if you want to give the open relationship a chance (and she wants to, also), there’s no real way to know if it works for you unless you try it. Just be warned that you might still end up hurt in the end.

5. They assume you’ll never find out.

Most people don’t set out to cheat on someone with the intention of their partner finding out about it. In fact, most people who are unfaithful will go out of their way to cover it up. They might pride themselves on their ability to be sneaky, or they might think that you don’t pay close enough attention to them. Whatever the reason is, she thought she was going to get away with it.

The other side of the coin is that, eventually, there comes a time in almost every affair where the spurned partner will find out. Usually, this results in the cheater confessing, out of guilt and fear that someone else will tell before they have a chance to. This is one of the lowest forms of relationship disrespect, because your girlfriend didn’t even think you deserved to know.

6. She doesn’t really love you.

I’ve long felt that someone who’s okay with cheating on someone else and destroying their trust can’t possibly love the person they’re with. I’m not really sure if that’s exactly true, but I know that I’ve personally never been able to wrap my head around an open relationship with someone I really cared about. I can’t pretend to speak for everyone, but I know that some of the women who have strayed outside my relationship with them definitely did not love me.

If you think she loves you, but just has an issue staying faithful to a single partner, you can try the open relationship thing – if you’re comfortable with it. However, whether she loves you or not, no one is worth putting your heart through the wringer – so if you can’t handle the thought of sharing your boo, it might be best to just walk away.

7. She may be lying to the side chick, too.

As much as it sucks to admit, sometimes your scummy girlfriend is just a scummy girlfriend – whether you’re ready to assign the blame to her or not. Just because you’re not ready to admit it doesn’t mean she didn’t really do you wrong, so do your best to put the blame where the blame is due.

When you catch your girlfriend cheating, it’s easy to shift the blame to the other person, because you don’t want to admit that the person you love doesn’t love you. But her other woman has literally nothing to do with you, in most cases. Unless you personally knew this other woman, and you know for a fact that she knew your girlfriend was taken, you can’t reasonably hold her responsible.

8. Roughly half of all people, male or female, gay, straight, or bisexual, will be unfaithful at some point in their lives.

It’s unfortunate, but statistically, cheating isn’t as uncommon as you might hope it is. Thankfully, the acceptance of polyamorous relationships is making it less likely that those who prefer open arrangements end up with those who prefer complete exclusivity, but there are still a lot of stigmas out there – stigmas that result in good people making stupid romantic decisions.

Thankfully, that old adage “once a cheater, always a cheater” isn’t exactly true, either. Basically none of the old wives’ tales about unfaithfulness are necessarily true – they’re all a bunch of stereotypes, and we know where stereotypes come from.

9. Because she can.

The most important thing to remember is that your girlfriend cheated on you because the opportunity presented itself. Whether she created the opportunity for herself or refused to turn down the offer, she cheated – and the other girl is not the problem. Dump your scummy girlfriend, and wait for someone who will treat you right. You deserve it!

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