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9 Signs Breaking Up Was The Right Thing To Do

If you dump your soul mate, is she still your soul mate?
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Letting go of a relationship is hard. Even if you inwardly know that moving on was the right choice, it’s completely normal to question whether you really made the right decision.

Rest assured, though – most likely, you did make the right choice when you ended your relationship. Holding onto something that doesn’t make you a better person is a tremendous waste of your emotional resources, and here are 9 signs that you’ll be happier without your ex in your life.


Your relationship was causing you pain.

Whether you wanted to admit it or not, your relationship was hurting you somehow – otherwise you wouldn’t have even considered leaving it. Most likely, you tried to fix the relationship before you got out of it – at least the best way you knew how at the time. It takes strength and courage to stand up for yourself and to put yourself first. Your own empathy caused your hesitation – you still didn’t want to hurt your ex, even if she was hurting you. You were afraid of the consequences of your choice, but once you took action you realized that it cured your fear. You chose to make yourself a priority, and now you are a priority.


You finally started speaking up.

The desire to please others is admirable, but when that’s all you ever do, it can be emotionally draining. In fact, neglecting yourself can have catastrophic consequences – and you finally chose to speak up, rather than letting the resentment and pain to keep growing. You are not responsible for your ex’s faults, and you are not responsible for being her perfect person. You acknowledged that you deserved better, and then you made yourself available to other opportunities.


You were headed in different directions.

It’s a fact of life that people are going to change and evolve – but there’s nothing set in stone about that growth. It’s not always linear, it’s not always forward, and it’s not usually automatic. Someone can be absolutely perfect for you in one season of your life, and then completely wrong for you in the next season. Instead of trying to force your partner to conform to your plans, or forcing yourself to conform to hers, you chose to do the humane thing and open yourself up to a better fit.


You took control of your own destiny.

Instead of playing the victim and waiting for things to get worse, you took the reins and helped to write your own story. You understand that freedom and happiness aren’t a matter of circumstance, they’re a matter of choice, and that means that you must choose the life that brings you happiness. You assume responsibility over your own life, but not hers – you can’t control the path that she walks.


You’ve already found someone new.

If you have already moved onto your next partner, no good can possibly come from questioning the choices – you’ll only end up hurting everyone involved. There is a reason that you are with this new person now – she’s a better fit for you. Even if you haven’t started dating someone else, you have found yourself – the most important partner you’ll ever have. Treat yourself right, and trust that if she was meant to stay your girlfriend forever, you wouldn’t have entertained the idea of walking away.


You figured out your needs and boundaries.

When you grow comfortable in a painful relationship, it’s normal to start tolerating things you told yourself you’d never stand for. But there comes a time when you must discover your needs and boundaries and decide you won’t put up with the same things anymore. When it comes time to reevaluate your needs, you’re also helping to heal your heart and your mind. Take time to visualize your perfect relationship in your mind, without envisioning your perfect partner. Then, identify which pieces are a must for you, and go find them.


You redefined yourself and your future.

You are strong and independent – you let go of someone you, not too long ago, considered a tremendous piece of your life. Now you can learn to set goals as an individual, instead of as a couple. Why settle for the same pain and mediocrity when you can have so much more, if you only seek it out?


You feel at peace with yourself.

You’re no longer half of a couple – you are a completely separate person, free from any expectations, misconceptions, or distractions. You’ve decided that it’s not about belonging to someone else – it’s about owning yourself. Your flaws, your values, your purpose, your likes, and your dislikes all make up who you are, and despite anything that anyone has ever told you, you are great just the way you are. Going through a tough break-up confirms and proves that, and strengthens you for the future. There are still so many possibilities ahead of you!


You learned something from it.

Any experience that leads to new knowledge – about yourself, about other people, or about the world around you – is not a mistake. It’s never a mistake to learn something new. By moving away from the relationship that no longer served you, you created a new reality – with new opportunities, and without the old things weighing you down. After all, you can’t move forward if you’re still holding onto the past. You’re still you after a break-up… You’re just a brand-new, wiser you.

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Author

Barbara is a 26-year-old lesbian living in California with her partner (and their “fur babies” – an adorably chubby puppy named Porkchop and a ball python named Ru). In the spare time she pretends to have, she enjoys horror movies, music of all varieties, reading, and complaining about the weather.

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