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We Asked, You Answered: What Do Women Prefer In A Girlfriend?

Are you girlfriend material? Here’s what our readers like in a partner.
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Recently, we polled our readers to see what you guys looked for in a partner. Well, the results have been tallied, and here’s what we found:


We love to laugh.

Our poll found that the most sought-after quality in a partner was a sense of humor. In fact, 49% of you thought it was the most important trait! This was followed by intelligence (at 26%) and kindness (at 25%). The good news is that a sense of humor can be learned, so if you’re not at the top of your game yet, there’s still room for improvement.

If you’re looking to improve your sense of humor, it can be as simple as learning a few jokes. It’s best to make sure your go-to jokes aren’t offensive to anyone – after all, you won’t know how easily offended she is until after you’ve gotten to know her (which doesn’t come until after you break the ice). You can learn new jokes pretty much anywhere – it’s up to you to decide which ones will make your personal repertoire.


Mean people need not apply.

An astounding 67% of our readers said that their date being rude to the wait staff at a restaurant would be a deal-breaker. This beat out self-centered conversation (at 19%) as well as poor table manners (at 14%). Women know that the way you treat the people who do things for you is a good reflection of who you are on the inside.

In fact, if you’re rude to wait staff, cashiers, et cetera, chances are you won’t be a very good partner or friend – so it’s best if you get that taken care of. Even if the person really is slacking on their job, it’s best if you’re able to practice patience and kindness. You won’t get a second chance to make a first impression.


The eyes are really the windows to the soul.

An impressive 81% of you think that eyes are the most attractive physical attributes on a potential partner. The runners up were teeth (at 10%) and hands (at 9%). While there is no universal definition for “pretty eyes”, it’s generally expected that a pretty pair of peepers makes you infinitely more attractive.

If you weren’t born with conventionally pretty eyes, it’s not a lost cause. There are many different preferences in terms of eyes; for example, for every person who prefers colored eyes, there’s another who prefers brown eyes. And there’s always room for negotiation, too – I’ve never heard of anyone being dumped because her eyes weren’t pretty enough. (Please, enlighten me if I’m wrong.)


We don’t really like being spoiled.

In our poll, we found that 51% of people would prefer to split the bill on the first date. If that wasn’t already enough of an indication that we feel uncomfortable being paid for, 42% of people would prefer they paid – leaving only 7% of people who expect their date to pay their way.

Generally, we’re of the mindset that whoever did the asking should be the one to pay, but if the other person isn’t comfortable being paid for, it’s best if you let her pay for herself. It’s actually pretty common that lesbians will be stubbornly independent, and if you want the relationship to have a chance, it’s best if you let her win this one.


Most women don’t mind waiting a little while.

You guys weighed in, and 59% of you said that you wouldn’t mind waiting about 15-30 minutes for your date to finish getting ready. 38% of people said they would wait up to an hour, as long as their date had a good reason. 3% of people said they wouldn’t wait for more than 5 minutes, though – so be punctual or don’t bother.

In any case, it’s generally best if you don’t leave your date waiting, if you can help it. Sometimes things happen – but no one really likes the person who’s late for everything. Try not to commit yourself to more than you can handle, to help make sure you can keep up with everything.


Most women don’t care about politics on the first date.

82% of women who responded to our poll said that they didn’t really care about politics on a first date, and they wouldn’t have an issue if their date voted for an opposing political party. 15% of you said that you’d have to have a word with them about it, while only 3% said that the date would be over.

Politics are a crazy thing, and sometimes our political views will change over the course of our lives. It’s widely accepted that you shouldn’t talk about politics right away, but with so many people getting involved these days, it’s sometimes hard to avoid. Isn’t it nice to know you probably won’t be judged for who you voted for?


Most women like to show affection at the end of a first date.

Our readers like to end their first date with a kiss (48%) or a hug (47%). Only 5% of our readers said they ended with just a goodbye. This is a nice thought, because we love to see affections expressed – even if the relationship is new!

Rest assured, though – if you’re not comfortable ending things with physical contact, there’s no rule that says you have to. The situations will be different for everyone, and not everybody is very touchy-feely right away.


You probably don’t need a job to get a date.

We asked our readers if they would date someone who was unemployed, and the answers were reassuring to those who are currently looking for work. 46% said that it wouldn’t necessarily be a deal-breaker, and 37% of people said they wouldn’t mind. Only 17% of our readers would turn down a date with someone who was unemployed.

One of the most important things to remember if you are concerned about your employment status at the moment is that honesty is the best policy. If you’re dating someone who doesn’t want to help you do better, it’s best if you know that right away – most women won’t mind motivating you to get on your feet.


We believe in love at first sight.

66% of our readers said that they do, in fact, believe in love at first sight. 34% said they didn’t. As staff, we’re divided on this, but the readers have spoken – loud and clear.

Personally, I think that the idea of love at first sight is romantic, but I don’t think everyone is able to experience it. I think it’s more something to think about than something to actually look for.


We won’t judge if you live with your parents.

If you’re embarrassed about living with your parents and worried that it’s impacting your game with the ladies, rest assured – 75% of readers don’t think so. Only 25% of our readers said that they wouldn’t date a woman who still lived with her parents.

I’m not entirely sure why society in general puts such an emphasis on moving away from home. After all, most 18-year-olds aren’t actually ready to live on their own, but our culture often tells them that they need to be. How is that fair when a couple months ago they had to raise their hand to go to the restroom? It doesn’t make a lot of sense.


Trust is super important.

We asked what the most important quality in a partner was, and most people said that they needed to be able to trust and confide in their partner. 25% of people said that a sense of humor was a must-have, and only 14% thought that their partner had to have shared interests with them.

Trust has always been a big deal, as there’s no real relationship without trust and respect. If you find it hard to trust your partner (or to be honest with her), it may be best if you walk away.


We believe in fairy tales.

Most of our readers (79%) believe in happy endings – the idea that you can find your soul mate and be truly happy with one another. Aww! Only 21% of our readers thought that happy endings were made up.

I’m not sure where I stand here, since I don’t think that true happiness ends – but it’s interesting to see that most of our readers are generally positive about their relationships.


We’re pretty shy – unless we really want something.

As lesbians, we’re often typecast as the one to sit in the corner of the bar and wait for the other woman to make a move. Well, 72% of you said that you’d only make the first move if you were seriously interested in her. 15% said that you usually make the first move, while 13% of people confirmed the stereotype – no approaching for us!

Personally, I fall in the third category. I am so shy that I often accidentally “decline” a flirtatious pass. (What can I say? I’m a little dense sometimes.) It’s nice to know I’m not alone, although it surprises me that we’re not in the majority! This is one stereotype I am guilty of falling for.


Zodiac doesn’t really matter. (Usually.)

Most people are interested in their horoscope, but they don’t usually let it influence their dating decisions. (An estimated 49% of people said that incompatible signs would not be a deal-breaker, while only 3% said it mattered to them.) 48% of people said it made no difference whatsoever – whether they personally checked their horoscope or not.

Most people are generally curious about astrology, but at this point in our society, we don’t usually give it too much weight overall. And I think it’s really important to not let your horoscope define your life – it’s your responsibility to make your future one you’ll enjoy.


And finally, we like being pursued. A lot.

An astounding 99% of our readers said that they liked when their partner made the first move – so even if we’re not too shy to make the move ourselves, it’s obvious that we still like to be approached. Only 1% of women said that they didn’t like when the other person approaches them first.

So what does this mean for the pursuers? Well, quite simply, keep it up! But even if you’re not usually the one to step up, it might be worth it to start. After all, most women are flattered by the compliments – even if they’re not interested. It’s always nice to know that someone thought we were appealing and made a point to tell us!


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Author
Barbara is a 26-year-old lesbian living in California with her partner (and their “fur babies” - an adorably chubby puppy named Porkchop and a ball python named Ru). In the spare time she pretends to have, she enjoys horror movies, music of all varieties, reading, and complaining about the weather.

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