Violet Palmer will marry her long term partner – Tanya Stine, of 20 years on Friday. The ceremony will be officiated by “Basketball Wives LA” star Tanya Young Williams, the ex-wife of former NBA All-Star Jayson Williams.
In an interview with The Associated Press, Palmer says she came out to her fellow NBA referees in 2007. She has not tried to keep her sexuality a secret from the league since that time.
“This is actually the big formal coming out. We are saying to the world, to everyone, here’s my wife of 20 years. This is the big coming out.”
Violet Palmer
Palmer broke barriers in 1997 when she became the first female to referee an NBA game. Under scrutiny from her first tipoff, Palmer instantly proved she could withstand the grumbling and ref baiting that comes with forging a career in a men’s game.
She was no publicity gimmick and has since officiated postseason games and the 2014 All-Star Game over a lengthy and varied career that included stints at the NCAA level and WNBA.
Palmer said she had been open about her sexual orientation in the NBA for years. There was never a formal public coming out because she didn’t want it to overshadow her work blowing the whistle on every star from Shaq to Kobe to LeBron.
“I always wanted people to just look at my work. Not look at my personal life, not look at my sexual preference. That doesn’t matter. I just wanted people to say, ‘Wow, she is a pretty damn good referee.’ The guys that I was really close to knew who she was,” Palmer said. “But there was half the staff that didn’t know. But I can honestly say, as far as the NBA knew, she was my domestic partner. For me to verbally come out to the 60 guys I work with, I didn’t do that until 10 years (into my career).”
Violet Palmer
Palmer, who turned 50 in July, said she knew around her middle school years she was a lesbian. She didn’t come out to parents until she was an adult.
“If someone asked me, I would tell them. But am I going around with the gay flag posted on my forehead? I didn’t feel like it was necessary. But I never hid it. I think you just get to a certain point in your life where you go, you know what, it doesn’t matter anymore. I think that’s where I am at that point in my life.”
Violet Palmer
Palmer and Stine always joked they would marry if they celebrated 20 years together. Once gay marriage was legalized in California — and with that Labor Day weekend anniversary date on the horizon — the couple realized it was time to get hitched. They’ll marry in front of about 130 guests, including several of Palmer’s fellow NBA referees.
