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How Can I Be Sure I’m A Lesbian (And Not Just Sexually Curious)?

If you’re confused about your sexuality, check out some of these indicators that might help
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If you’re still a little confused about your sexuality, check out some of these indicators.

OK, we aren’t going to go on about the obvious and say, ‘the first clue is you like women.’ Of course it is, but that doesn’t necessarily make you gay. It could mean you are bisexual or you simply recognize an attractive woman when you see one. Even Lesbians think some men are good looking!

So how do you really know if you are a lesbian?


You’re fantasizing about women

Sometimes even straight women fantasize about having sex with a woman. That could mean you are simply curious, bisexual, or even just horny. But if your whole sexual fantasy life involves touching, being with or having sex with another woman there is a very good chance you are a lesbian.


You’re experimenting with women

Believe it or not a lot of women find their sexuality can be fluid and having sex or experimenting with women doesn’t always mean you are a lesbian. You could just be bisexual or even just curious, but if you have been having sex or experimenting with women and only women for a period of time this is a good indicator that you are a lesbian.


You’re questioning

Sometimes even asking yourself if something is possible can be an indication that you know the answer deep down. If you find that you are googling ‘how do I know if I’m a Lesbian’ or ‘I think I might be a lesbian’ then the chances are you could well be and are just seeking a little bit of reassurance.


You’re looking at romantic comedies in a different way

Have you noticed recently when watching romcoms that rather than feel happy when guy ends up with gal you wish she had realised just how sexy and super cool her best friend is? Our subconscious often makes us look at things in the way we’d like them to turn out if it was us in the same situation so perhaps you should trust in yourself a little bit more.


You’re checking out women

Do you find yourself looking at attractive women on the street or develop crushes on female film or TV stars? Do you wonder what it might be like to kiss her, or what she might look like naked? Ask yourself if you do this with men? If you don’t then you might be a lesbian.


You feel more comfortable with the Lesbian community

If you find that you feel quite at home surrounded by lesbians and you feel you are able to be yourself and not get judged, then this can be an indicator you are gay. Straight women do go to les bars of course, but, it’s not really the norm for them. If you are finding that when you go out you head for the les bars and feel totally relaxed in them, you are probably a lez.


You think men are attractive but don’t want to have sex with them

This is probably the biggest indicator of all. If you are getting hot under the collar thinking about women, but you simply don’t feel like that over men, you are probably gay. Thinking a man is attractive or looks good doesn’t mean to say you want to get up close and personal with one. If you do and women still rock your boat you could be bisexual.

Try not to be too quick to label yourself. Half the fun of finding out who you are is experimenting and having the confidence in yourself is far more important than labelling yourself. That will happen when you are ready, so just be happy being you and try not to put any more unnecessary pressure on labelling your sexual orientation.


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I'm a writer, film maker, producer and a self believer. I live with my girlfriend and two children in Valencia, Spain and I write as I live my life. With passion, honesty and full of fun.

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