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I Can’t Figure My BFF out? Does She Like Me Or What?

What do you do when your best friend wants you all to herself - but keeps falling for someone else?
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Q: I Can’t Figure My BFF out? Does She Like Me Or What?

Dear KitschMix,

So I have a best friend who is also a lesbian like me. In the past she has said that she was in love with me, twice she said that and I said it back. But we never actually got into a real serious relationship. She’s been out with other women, and so have I. And every time she’s with someone I’m always happy for her even know deep down it hurts. However, when I was with someone she’d always get really annoyed and find something wrong with the person I liked or was with at the time.

And anytime I would want to get into a relationship at all with anyone she’d say how I should stay single for a bit and not to rush things even though that’s pretty much her talking about herself.

She randomly talks about how she wants to have sex with me, or has masturbated to the thought of me.

Anytime she finds a girl she likes she literally shoves it down my throat that they’re perfect (and whatnot) and won’t shut up about them.

She’ll say exactly this to me, “oh my god she’s honestly the hottest thing alive, I’d love to screw her ugh I wanna do such bad things to her” and that’s basically her 24/7 and when I don’t respond to her texts or phone calls she’ll keep texting and calling me over and over again and ask where I am or what I’m doing.

I’m so confused with her manipulative; mixed singles, jealous ass, please help?

Even if you and her are never anything more than friends, you shouldn’t put up with someone who wants to be in your life just to manipulate you. It’s rude, it’s mean, and it’s not fair to play with your emotions like that. As a friend, I’m not sure why you’d consider her your BFF – she treats you like a game.

Some people are only happy in an open relationship, and this may be what she’s hinting at – but I don’t really see it. I think that she’s the type that wants you all to herself, but can’t offer you the same. I’ve had some exes like that, honestly. It’s not fun, and it only gets worse if you actually date her. This type of behavior before you even begin a relationship can be a precursor to an unfaithful mentality – after all, she has you, why should she bother to make sure you’re happy? It doesn’t necessarily mean she will cheat, but if you allow the back-and-forth now, you may be inviting it later on.

Of course, I can’t stop you from trying to date her if you both happen to be single at the same time – but I would expect it to go sour. Don’t do anything to intentionally sabotage it, but don’t close your eyes to the mistreatment, either. The love and respect has to go both ways, otherwise it’s just a game.

I hope that she’s not intentionally playing with your emotions, but it does seem to me that she is. Tread with caution on this one, and make sure you keep your heart protected.

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Author
Barbara is a 26-year-old lesbian living in California with her partner (and their “fur babies” - an adorably chubby puppy named Porkchop and a ball python named Ru). In the spare time she pretends to have, she enjoys horror movies, music of all varieties, reading, and complaining about the weather.

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