We’ve all been there. That messy break up when you don’t really want to break up but the other person does. Or where you both know deep down it’s for the best but, it doesn’t make it any easier.
Why am I not good enough for you? Why am I not right for you? If you’re so right for me, and I’m so happy, how are you not? The question goes over and over in our minds.
It sends us crazy. Like, literally crazy. We sometimes feel like we’re losing control. Our emotions are so up and down from one day or even one hour to the next.
It’s worse when the sex is good. I mean, some people you just connect with. It just works. And when that part of a relationship works so well, it makes it so much harder to let go of everything.
I’ve spoken to a few people recently about social media and how much it controls how we think and upsets our usually good mental health, and the responses are all the same.
We block and unblock each other from Facebook every other week. We make statuses public, so we know the other will see them when they look and you know you’ll get some kind of reaction from it. We hurt ourselves by looking at their online photos, seeing that photo that was taken on a Saturday night out and they look so happy, of course they do. We forget they’re thinking exactly the same thing whilst looking at us. It is SO unhealthy, but we cannot help ourselves. We want to know what the other person is doing.
Long gone are the days you had to call somebody’s landline to ask if they were home. Or if you were so desperate to see someone you’d have to wait outside their house. Although, that kind of behaviour is generally frowned upon!
But so in a huge way, our advanced technology makes breaking up even harder. I mean how much easier would it be to move on if you couldn’t easily see or locate their every movement? Which you do, because it’s human nature to be inquisitive (I’m not talking 24/7, I think if you have got to that stage it’s time to seek some help), but then you see the things you don’t want to see which sends you into this whole new downward spiral of negative thinking.
Whatsapp. Ohhh whoever invented Whatsapp, seriously?! It’s great to be able to see when someone has read your message… but really, you’ve been online 6 times now in the past two hours and you’ve not responded to my message.
You’re online now, and you’re not responding to my message. Who are you talking to? Because it isn’t me. You must be seeing someone else. I mean at this point as we only broke up three days ago so that is obviously the only logical answer…Obviously right?! Ha!
And the more you delve, and the more you question each other, the more erratic and snappy your texts between each other become, the more you come to start to dislike each other, forgetting the very reasons you got together in the first place. The very reasons you loved each other.
It’s frightening just how much imessage, Whatsapp and Facebook can control the way we’re feeling. It’s damaging. Gone are the days you split from someone and go weeks or months without seeing or hearing from them. I mean we had mobile phones and text but, you never could get all you wanted to rant within 160 characters anyway!
You didn’t know where they were, what they were doing, or who they were doing it with. You didn’t have photos of their weekends out rammed down your throat which you know you shouldn’t look at but you do because you’ve not got the self-control not to! And when we didn’t know, our minds couldn’t and didn’t wander into this ridiculous state of paranoia and accusations.
I’ve had my heart broken a few times in my life and equally I’ve broken a few. And each time you do have your heart broken it gets a little harder to move on from. Your barriers get higher and you find it more difficult to trust, but when you do find someone you feel you want to give your all to again, those barriers seem to come down quicker than ever before. Because in the end, whatever we tell ourselves and however we portray ourselves to the rest of the world, we all essentially want the same thing; to find someone to love and to be loved back.
The worst thing though, has to be when you finally see your ex on a dating site. It is absolute confirmation that you are both now over. And you have to relive those feelings from when you split all over again. It’s gutting, simple as.
Social media; it has a lot to answer for.