We are obsessed with labelling ourselves and everyone else for some reason these days.
We label by skin colour, religion, background, political opinions and of course sexuality. But why should we?
I know that sometimes giving ourselves a label can help us feel part of a community, like we belong to a specific group and some people base their whole identities on the label they give themselves. But it doesn’t have to be that way if you don’t want it to be.
So many women get totally freaked out over labelling their sexuality. But sexuality can be rather fluid, especially in women. I’m a classic example of this. I knew I liked girls from quite a young age, but, at that time, I also liked boys as well.
I guess as the years went on I labelled myself as bisexual. I had serious relationships with men and women. I even married a guy and had two children.
And then something changed. I divorced my husband and from that moment on I was only interested in women.
Now I identify as a lesbian, but I won’t label myself as such. Because when I started to only date women all my friends and family were like ‘when are you gonna meet another man then?’ or ‘I thought you liked men and women?’
Once you have boxed yourself into a label it’s very hard for others to accept it when you no longer want to stay in that box.
I know one woman that has always identified as lesbian, ever since I’d known her, and then one day she met a guy. And she fell in love.
My friend tortured herself for months over this. She had always labelled herself as a lesbian but fate had other plans for her I guess. She put herself through absolute torment. But eventually she accepted herself and their relationship.
They’ve been together ever since, but she also lost a few gay friends as well because they felt like she had somehow ‘betrayed’ the gay community.
My point is, if she hadn’t labelled herself as a lesbian in the first place this might not have happened and she might not have lost these friends that couldn’t accept her new relationship as it didn’t fit their perception of her.
I’m not saying that giving yourself a label is a bad thing, if you want to do so, but it’s your choice and you shouldn’t feel like you owe it to the world to fit neatly into a box.
It has to be something you choose to do. Plus, don’t torture yourself over how you want to identify. You are unique, you are you, whether you think you are lez, bi, pansexual, queer, trans, it doesn’t matter as long as you are comfortable in your own skin.
And if one day you realize your sexuality has changed, that’s fine too. Life is all about experiences and experimenting. It’s what helps us to grow as individuals and helps us to accept ourselves for what we are. That’s what’s important, not making others feel comfortable by labelling yourself so they can ‘understand’ you better.
The only person that has to understand you is you. That’s all that matters.
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