When your ex breaks your heart, your first instinct is to buy a gallon of ice cream, curl up in a Snuggie and watch L Word reruns. But that’s so predictable. If you want to really get over her, you need to think outside of the box.
The Target Practice
- Collect the ugliest photos of her from your cell phone, her Facebook and her Instagram.
- Buy the largest dartboard you can find on the internet. Preferably the size of your entire room.
- Paste all of those photos to the dartboard.
- Throw darts until her face is full of holes,
The Nobel Prize
- Dig out your diary from middle school.
- Read these breakup poems.
- Use those poems as inspiration to write your own incredible breakup poems.
- Publish them in the New Yorker.
- Enjoy your newfound literary fame while your ex seethes in envy.
The Empty Stomach
- Cook their very favorite food.
- Upload a photo of it to Instagram.
- Watch your ex seethe in envy.
- Bonus: Buy out all of the ingredients from the grocery store so that your ex can’t cook this food.
The Alcohol Withdrawal
- Create a new alcoholic drink.
- Name it after your ex.
- Tell of the bartenders in town not to serve it to your ex.
The Taylor Swift
- Introduce Taylor Swift to your ex.
- Watch Taylor Swift and your ex have a swift but disastrous relationship.
- Wait for Taylor Swift to write a scathing song about your ex.
- Create a viral dance video to that song.
- Go on Ellen to demonstrate the dance.
- Date Ellen.
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