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How To Get Over Your Ex (For Real This Time)

(No, really.)
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When your ex breaks your heart, your first instinct is to buy a gallon of ice cream, curl up in a Snuggie and watch L Word reruns. But that’s so predictable. If you want to really get over her, you need to think outside of the box.

The Target Practice

  1. Collect the ugliest photos of her from your cell phone, her Facebook and her Instagram.
  2. Buy the largest dartboard you can find on the internet. Preferably the size of your entire room.
  3. Paste all of those photos to the dartboard.
  4. Throw darts until her face is full of holes,

The Nobel Prize

  1. Dig out your diary from middle school.
  2. Read these breakup poems.
  3. Use those poems as inspiration to write your own incredible breakup poems.
  4. Publish them in the New Yorker.
  5. Enjoy your newfound literary fame while your ex seethes in envy.

The Empty Stomach

  1. Cook their very favorite food.
  2. Upload a photo of it to Instagram.
  3. Watch your ex seethe in envy.
  4. Bonus: Buy out all of the ingredients from the grocery store so that your ex can’t cook this food.

The Alcohol Withdrawal

  1. Create a new alcoholic drink.
  2. Name it after your ex.
  3. Tell of the bartenders in town not to serve it to your ex.
  4. Victory.

The Taylor Swift

  1. Introduce Taylor Swift to your ex.
  2. Watch Taylor Swift and your ex have a swift but disastrous relationship.
  3. Wait for Taylor Swift to write a scathing song about your ex.
  4. Create a viral dance video to that song.
  5. Go on Ellen to demonstrate the dance.
  6. Date Ellen.

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J. Marie graduated from Duke University with a degree in International Relations and dreams of being a creative writer--dreams she's now realizing as a musical theatre writer in NYC. She's passionate about global black identities, black representation in media, and leather-bound notebooks. She also loves backpacking through a new country at a moment's notice, and speaks Spanish, Swahili and Standard Arabic.

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