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How to Get Over the Love of Your Life

To her, you were just a fling. To you, she was your soulmate. How do you get over her?
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She’s not quite the one who got away. In fact, you never dated. Still, you’re hooked on her like candy – it’s bad for you, but it’s oh so tempting. You might even be in love.

You know that you need to get over that girl once and for all. So how do you do that?


Keep the photos.

Your first instinct might be to throw away every photo you have of her, wipe your hard drive clean and banish her from your sight. This might sound counterintuitive, but don’t do that.

Healing is a process, and some days you will need to look at photos and rewatch old videos in order to get over her. If you rip the Band-Aid off too quickly, you’ll relapse – then the next time you want to look at photos, you’ll go her Facebook page, and soon you’ll message her, and soon you’ll be crying again.


Process, but don’t over process.

If your friends roll your eyes whenever you bring up that girl, then take the hint that you’ve processed enough.

Instead of casually bringing her up in conversation, schedule an appointment to discuss her with your friends – a predetermined block of time that you can’t exceed. Every time you feel the urge to discuss her, you’ll have to schedule a new appointment. This will discourage you from thinking about her unless you absolutely have to.


Delete her contact info…sort of.

Give her contact information to a trusted friend – a friend who has your best interests at heart, not one who will instigate drama or text that girl behind your back. If you don’t have her contact information, then you can’t drunk dial, drunk text, drunk Snapchat, drunk Tweet or drunk email that girl, but you’ll have peace of mind knowing that her number is on hand if you ever need it again.


Start dating again.

I know you don’t want to, because you think that girl is The One, but you need find new people to obsess over – or to have a healthy romantic relationship with. Get a tinder account, download Her, sign up for Farmers Only, create a JDate, or finally ask out the cute girl in your chem lab. Just get back on the scene.


Forgive yourself.

You’re probably beating yourself up for the 100th time about what you could have done differently. If you’d just done one thing differently, maybe you and that girl would be flying off into the sunset together right now. That’s not true. Let the past go.

You might be beating yourself up because you can’t let it go; you know your crush is irrational, so you hate yourself for being hooked on that girl. Forgive yourself for that too. These type of feelings happen to everyone, and it doesn’t make you crazy or weak – it makes you someone with emotions. You have to accept this before you can move forward.


So get back on the playing field. Delete your wedding Pinterest board and meet some new people. This time tomorrow, you could be sipping wine with your new crush.

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Author
J. Marie graduated from Duke University with a degree in International Relations and dreams of being a creative writer--dreams she's now realizing as a musical theatre writer in NYC. She's passionate about global black identities, black representation in media, and leather-bound notebooks. She also loves backpacking through a new country at a moment's notice, and speaks Spanish, Swahili and Standard Arabic.

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