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A Guide To Bi-Curious Experimenting

You're ready to explore your sexuality. That's great! But how do you actually DO that?
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Sexuality is all about experimentation. How do you know whether you like something if you don’t try it?

Specifically, if you’re bi-curious, how do you actually test the waters?

DO admit that you could be queer and it’s not the end of the world.

If you’re bi-curious, own it. Don’t be ashamed. Maybe you could be bisexual. Maybe you could be homosexual. Say it out loud – to a friend or to a mirror – and you’ll realize that it’s not the end of the world. The prospect might even excite you a little.

DON’T try to make out with your lesbian friend.

Contrary to what straight people are led to believe, not every queer person is attracted to you. You know your lesbian friend? The super gay one who wears flannel and rocks a buzzcut and romances a different woman every night? Yes, that lesbian friend might not be into you.

Besides, even if she is into you, it’s a bad idea to mix your budding homosexual and homoromantic feelings with a friendship. Big no-no.

DO get on the apps, all the apps.

The best way to meet someone is in everyday life. But everyday life takes too long. You don’t have enough time to wait for your meet-cute with a beautiful woman in a quirky coffee shop, so help fate out by downloading everything. Tinder, Her, Bumble, OKCupid. Cast your net wide. Not every queer woman will be into a bicurious girl, so increase your odds by matching with every queer woman in your city at once.

DON’T hide the fact that this is your first time.

In your dating app profile, be upfront with the fact that you just want to experiment. Perhaps you’ll match with someone else who is bi-curious and you two can experiment together. Or perhaps you’ll match with a mature lesbian willing to show you the ropes.

But don’t be the girl who waits until the actual date to mention that you’re new to this. If your date is looking for something more – namely, an experienced woman who is good in bed and knows that she’s definitely a lesbian – then you’re just wasting her time.

DO be honest about your anxiety.

If you’re nervous about your first time with a girl, don’t play it cool. This will just increase your anxiety. If the first line out of your mouth is “I’m such an amazing pro at lesbian sex,” then you’ll feel major pressure to live up to your boast. And you won’t live up to that. (Not your first time, anyway. Practice makes perfect.)

Instead, just admit that you’re nervous and ask for her to patiently walk you through it. Chances are, she’ll think it’s cute and will be more than willing to break the ice.

Good luck!

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J. Marie graduated from Duke University with a degree in International Relations and dreams of being a creative writer--dreams she's now realizing as a musical theatre writer in NYC. She's passionate about global black identities, black representation in media, and leather-bound notebooks. She also loves backpacking through a new country at a moment's notice, and speaks Spanish, Swahili and Standard Arabic.

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