One of the most painful things you can watch your best friend go through is the pain and torture of a break-up. Whether she’s on her third boo this year or it’s the first time ever, her emotions are a total wreck. You want to be there for her, but it’s exhausting, and you’re running out of ideas.
Generally, the best things to do are going to be what you would want someone to do if you were going through a heartbreak. Obviously you don’t need to break up with your girlfriend in solidarity, but she probably won’t want you to show her off right now, either. You want to keep her mind off the ex, but you also know she needs some support and a place to vent about it. You’re a great friend for keeping up with it all – here’s all the ways you can help her now.
Distract her.
One of the simplest things you can do for her is to simply distract her from her pain. Naturally, you shouldn’t just distract her from things – we can’t just run away from the unpleasantness of a breakup. Still, having a temporary reprieve from the hurt will keep her from dwelling on things, and may help her to move on. Try picking up her favorite magazine or movie, for while she’s home alone, and take her on a road trip or a night on the town. On the days she doesn’t feel like doing much, binge-watch your favorite show together, or have your own private movie marathon.
Pamper her.
When you’re just getting out of a relationship, your personal style can start to take a bit of a hit. Taking her to get her hair or nails done, or a trip to go clothes shopping, can help bring her self-image back up and make it a little easier to work through the pain. This might be particularly important if her ex was abusive, narcissistic, or otherwise a jerk (but let’s be real – everyone feels better when they feel good about themselves). Then, once she’s gotten all snazzy, take her out to a nice dinner. If the breakup was particularly rough, she might not be eating right, and malnourishment can definitely increase the effects of depression. Sweet treats can also help some, in moderation, so feel free to opt for ice cream, too.
Watch her health.
Breakups can make a huge impact on someone’s physical and mental health, so make sure you’re checking in with her from time to time. Physical activities, such as dancing and hiking, or fitness classes at your local gym, can all help push the blues away while also helping her meet her exercise needs. Some people have a hard time remembering to eat when they’re depressed, so bring her food when you can.
It might help if you create a miniature “survival kit” for her, too, with some of her favorite things, as well as a small notebook to write angry letters to the ex, or document other things she’s feeling. Then, once she’s past the worst pain, ceremonially dispose of the notebook in a way that keeps her from drudging up those ugly memories – such as at a bonfire, in a paper shredder, or simply burying it in the back yard. There’s something very therapeutic about metaphorically getting rid of the bad thoughts – it doesn’t hurt to try!
Be a little extra positive.
If she’s having a particularly rough time of it, it might be helpful to send a little extra encouragement her way. Write her a hand-written letter full of the things you love about her, or send her a charming card. If you can afford to have flowers sent to her, make sure you don’t send them from a secret admirer – this can just add to the hurt if she thinks they might be from her ex. Instead, attach a message that you think will make her laugh, and sign your name proudly. You do deserve the credit for being as awesome of a friend as you are.
Be there for her.
Even though much of the healing process centers around moving forward, it is important to take time to process the past and the present. She needs someone who’s going to listen to what she has to say and not make it about themselves. Try to resist the urge to give advice or personal stories, unless she asks for them. She’s hurting right now and there’s a chance she may lash out at you. Try not to take it too personally. She will move past this, eventually, and she’ll be grateful that you were there to support her.
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