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The Honeymoon Is Over: How To Keep Enjoying Your “Routine” Relationships

Just because you’ve fallen into a rut doesn’t mean you have to be bored.
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I used to be a bit of a free spirit. (Okay, that’s a bit of an understatement – I was a “very free spirit” before, and I’m “a bit of a free spirit” now.) I used to resent the idea of settling down with someone, as it seemed like it was going to be the same boring thing, every day.

However, things happen as we grow up, and now I can’t picture myself without a partner. Not just any partner like when I was younger – this partner.

A lot of the time, we do the same things. I go to work, she goes to school, we both take care of the house, and then we lay in bed and watch movies. Some nights we have sex, and some nights we don’t.

It doesn’t mean I’m bored, though. We keep things alive in our own way – and at KitschMix, we think you should, too!


Being with the same person doesn’t have to mean doing the same things.

Find hobbies to participate in! Sometimes these hobbies will be shared between the two of you, and sometimes these hobbies will be separate. It’s important that we allow ourselves balance between the two categories. This balance isn’t always 50/50 (in fact, it rarely is) – you’ll have to find the balance that works best for you.


Allow yourself to keep some mystery.

One of the hard parts about a long-term relationship is that we become comfortable with each other. This comfort isn’t automatically bad, but once we’re completely comfortable with someone, we may find it hard to find them attractive. Our mind starts to see them as someone we know inside out – someone we don’t have to learn anything else about – and this is dangerous territory. If we don’t have anything else to learn about our partner, what are we going to talk to them about?


Make time for “dates”.

Even if you’re married (or similarly committed), having an occasional date night is important to keeping your relationship young. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy – my girlfriend and I used to go to Denny’s every pay day. It wasn’t much, but it was the thing we did that was just for the two of us. Of course, it can help keep it exciting if you don’t do the same thing every single time. Throw some surprises in there – it’ll add to the mystery!


Get each other gifts, just because.

These gifts don’t have to be anything fancy and expensive. They don’t have to be the latest technology or the sparkliest watch. They just need to be something simple to show your lady that you were thinking of her when you saw it. As long as it’s not something that she’ll be offended by the association toward, she will likely be happy that you were thinking of her.


Talk sexy to each other.

I know some people are dirty talkers, and some people aren’t. I never used to be until I got with the woman I’m with now. It can feel weird when you first start doing it – especially if you’re shy or easily embarrassed (or all of the above, like me!). This simple step can help add a spark into your relationship that may have been lacking.


Talk sweet to each other.

This is just as important in a happy relationship. Even if you don’t have a particularly “sweet” relationship, chances are you at least have nicknames for each other. I affectionately refer to my partner as “Butthole”, and she calls me “Vavosa” – your “sweet words” don’t necessarily have to be “nice words”, as long as you and your partner understand they’re said with love.


Don’t forget the foreplay.

If we’ve been with someone for a long time, we might eventually start to gloss over the foreplay in the bedroom – and then we wonder why our sex lives start to dwindle. Foreplay is just as important after five years as it was the first time you had sex – maybe even more so now!

The main thing to remember is that your relationship only dies if you let it die. Without growth, anything will eventually start to deteriorate. Get to know your partner again every chance you get, in every way you can – but don’t give away every answer, either. Decide what things you will keep for yourself, without keeping any “secrets” from her, and your relationship is sure to thrive for years to come.


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Author
Barbara is a 26-year-old lesbian living in California with her partner (and their “fur babies” - an adorably chubby puppy named Porkchop and a ball python named Ru). In the spare time she pretends to have, she enjoys horror movies, music of all varieties, reading, and complaining about the weather.

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