To Top

I Keep Thinking About Having Sex With Other Women

We aim to get to the heart of your sex and relationship problems, so if you need advice, please contact us.

Q: I Keep Thinking About Having Sex With Other Women

Hi Kitsch Mix,

I’m 25 years old, and have a very strong libido. I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for over 2 years.

She is a really nice woman and we love each other a lot. Our sex varies, (as expected) it is mostly amazing, and sometimes it’s good, and sometimes just fun. We usually do it every 2 days or so. She isn’t boring either – she is keen to try new things.

I care about her and I always want her to enjoy it so I will do things differently for her. Make it nicer for her, etc.

Also, she is the only person I’ve had sex with. I’ve had one or two gfs but not had sex with them.

She however, has had sex with other women and men before we met. She said she was in a mess emotionally at the time because of problems at home. She didn’t enjoy her life style and I think it’s kinda messed her up a bit. It took me ages to repair her and get her to relax during sex. We have our ups and downs, but in general she is good.

But, basically, within the past year I’ve been thinking about other women. Whenever a woman walks past, I see if she is pretty and if she is I think about what she would be like in bed, etc.

Inside, I just want to have sex with other women. The feeling is very strong. Now, I’m just thinking about it all the time, all day every day.

I told my gf and asked her for help but she wasn’t happy with me lol. If she told me the same thing, I wouldn’t be happy with her either.

I somehow try to justify it to myself by saying, ‘Well she has done someone else’ so why cant I at least match it?

So to summarise, there’s not really anything major wrong with our relationship but I find myself wanting more. I really can’t help it either and sometimes it makes me feel disloyal.

Is there something wrong with me? Is there a fix? Is this to be expected? What the hell is going on?!?!

Well, reader, your situation is a complicated one, and I think it’s best if I take this apart piece by piece to help you resolve it. Let’s start with this: There is nothing wrong with you. It’s completely natural to fantasize about other people, especially if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, or if your current sexual partner is your first sexual partner. Since both are true in your case, it can be especially tough to keep your mind from wandering. Thankfully, as long as it’s only your mind wandering – there’s nothing to worry about.

My next note is the idea that you tell yourself, She’s had sex with someone else, so why shouldn’t I? The main flaw with this argument is that, I’m assuming, she had sex with these people when she wasn’t dating you. There’s a big difference between experimenting and infidelity. If she was single, or dating them at the time, there is legitimately nothing you can say. If it was before she met you, it’s her past and it needs to stay there.

I understand why your girlfriend was upset with you for your confession – but I also applaud you for opening up to her. Too many people are afraid to communicate their innermost desires with their partner, and it can have serious consequences on your relationship. She might not have been happy with what you told her, but I can guarantee she’s happy that you told her instead of stepping out.

To know where to go from here, you’ll have to think about what’s inspiring you to have these thoughts about other women. Is it just curiosity because of your limited experience? Is it a genuine attraction to these women in particular? Is it boredom with your lady? None of these questions has a “right” or “wrong” answer, as long as you’re honest with yourself. If you’re just curious about any women, and you’re not bored with your lady, it probably doesn’t need to be fixed. You can try taking a break, but not everyone is able to recover after the time apart, so choose wisely.

If you find yourself attracted to particular women, the situation is a little more complicated. Then you have to think about whether they remind you of your lady, or if they have anything in common, or if you’re having these thoughts more on days when you haven’t gotten any action… You know, days that you’re “due” to get some. Believe it or not, that can make a difference. Your eyes always wander more when you are in need of sexual release.

I think my biggest advice to you right now is the same thing I tell my partner often: If there’s nothing to worry about, don’t bring it up. Obviously if you’re actually tempted to cheat, your partner deserves to know, even if she gets mad about it. But if it was just a passing thought and your faithfulness is not in question, there’s no reason to upset her with something that will make her jealous unnecessarily.

Not all women mind the idea of an open relationship, but if I had to guess based on what you’ve told me, your girlfriend is not interested. I wouldn’t recommend pushing it in this situation unless you feel that it’s necessary for your own happiness – in which case she may be the wrong woman for you.

Good luck, reader, and please don’t hesitate to write back in if you need further help!

Leave a Reply

More in Dating

  • 8 Tips For The Most Perfect Date Ever

    Have you ever been on a date that was… Not so great, to say the least? You accidentally knocked your wine...

    Barbara WardDecember 24, 2017
  • 17 Ways to Make the Most Out Of Your Long-Term Relationship

    Getting ready to enter a long-distance relationship? Make sure you’re remembering these 17 tips first. 1. See it as an opportunity....

    Barbara WardDecember 23, 2017
  • 9 Things You Lose When You Say Sorry

    Human communication is a crazy thing. The entire planet has had thousands upon thousands of years to get it all right…...

    Barbara WardDecember 22, 2017
  • 9 Unavoidable Truths About Long-Distance Relationships

    Long-distance relationships are a lot harder than other relationships. That’s not to say they aren’t worth it – for the right...

    Barbara WardDecember 13, 2017
  • How Shakespeare Can Teach You To Pick Up Girls

    When it came to being a playboy, Shakespeare was worse than Shane from the L Word. Hard to believe, right? How...

    J MarieJune 12, 2017
  • Here’s Why You Should Embrace That Time Apart From Your Girlfriend

    Fall into a routine of taking things and people for granted is something we’re all guilty of. But alone time is... StaffJune 8, 2017
  • 12 Simple Things Your GF Does That’ll Make You Realise She’s ‘The One’

    She laughs at your jokes. She looks equally incredible in a suit or a t-shirt. She’s witty, intelligent, fun to be... StaffJune 8, 2017
  • 11 Things Single Lesbians Wish People Would Stop Assuming About Their Love Lives

    I think I’ve heard just about every singleness cliche under the sun, notably coming from both single friends and married friends, gay and... StaffJune 7, 2017
  • 5 Things To Consider Before You Start Dating Your Best Friend

    True story; You meet a girl, befriend her, grow close to her over a period of time, become best friends and...

    Suzie CarterJune 6, 2017
  • Is It Ever OK To Look At Your Partner’s Phone?

    My girlfriend leaves her phone hanging around all the time. Every time I see it when she’s out of the room,...

    Suzie CarterJune 5, 2017

A dedicated website for Lesbians, Bi, Trans, and Gay women; offering posts on lesbian lifestyle, LGBTQ news, lesbian film rental, health advice, lesbian dating and more...

Latest News

  • Gillian Anderson: ‘I Could Be Dating A Woman Next Year’

  • Watch: Rachel McAdams, Rachel Weisz Spark Forbidden Passion In ‘Disobedience’

  • Ellen DeGeneres Moved To Tears By Wife Portia De Rossi’s Birthday Gift

  • Coronation Street Actress Discusses Playing Soap’s First Lesbian Muslim Character

  • 10 Valentine’s Day Sex Positions For An Unforgettably Romantic Night

Most Shared Posts

  • Science Proves That Homophobia Means You’re (Probably) Gay...
    According to a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, homophobes are “more lik
  • The Queer Muslim Movement Is Growing...
    In America, Muslims are often depicted as intolerant and bigoted. However, more and more Muslims are
  • 31 Beautiful Lesbian Wedding Photos That Prove Two Brides Are Better T...
    We’re feeling the love here at KitschMix HQ. These stunning photos celebrate the love and joy that