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How Do You Know If She’s Gay?

Gaydar letting you down? Here are some tips on working out if a woman is a lesbian.
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Sussing out if that hot chick you’ve got your eye on is gay or not is not as difficult as it sounds. Sometimes it’s easy enough to tell. Like she’s sporting a rainbow tattoo or dresses in the kind of way that you just know she’s gay. But not all women wear their sexuality, as such. I’m always getting told I don’t look like a lesbian. I dress quite femme, wear make-up and have long hair. But so do many other lesbian’s, right? The same can be said for straight women that have short buzzcuts and dresses quite tomboyish. It doesn’t mean they are gay either.

That famous thing called our gaydar doesn’t always work, does it? In fact, I’m not even sure that all queers even have a gaydar. My girlfriend can never tell if a woman is a lez. If I introduce her to a new friend I’ve made and I ask her later if she thinks she’s a lesbian she gets it wrong nearly all the time, so much so that now she won’t play and even take a guess! My gaydar is not too bad on the whole, but, that could just be because I’m naturally flirty and I soon suss out if a woman is gay or not depending on whether she harmlessly flirts back or not. Straight women don’t usually flirt with lez’s as a rule. Well, unless they’ve had a few too many G & T’s and their curious side is taking over!

So how can you tell then? Well, believe it or not, there are some clues to look out for.


Trust your gut reaction

Sometimes our instincts just tell us if someone is gay or not. It’s not the same as a gaydar, where you can tell automatically, but if you are eying a woman up and smiling at her and she responds and your instinct is saying ‘she’s sooooo gay’ trust in it. What’s the worst that can happen? Well, OK, you could get knocked back and be so embarrassed you don’t want to leave the house again, but that’s not very likely if she’s eyeballing you back and your guts tells you she’s a lez. The next time this happens, just go for it.


But, don’t jump to conclusions

This is so important. As I mentioned before a femme looking woman isn’t necessarily straight and a butch looking woman isn’t necessarily gay.  If you automatically assume someone’s sexuality just by what they are wearing you could end up missing out on something great, so, go back to clue one and try some eye contact, a sexy smile and some good old flirting and see what happens.


Look how she reacts around men

A big indicator girls. Does she flirt around men, touch their hand or shoulder, laugh at their jokes, give girlie pouts when men are talking to her? If yes, she’s probably straight. Take it from a flirt extraordinaire, I never flirt with men in the same way I flirt with women. I have quite a few straight male friends and we have our own ‘type’ of friendly flirting between us, but that’s not how I flirt with women at all. So spend a bit of time watching how she behaves around men and women. If she flirts the same with both she could be bi. But if she doesn’t flirt at all with women but goes a bit giggly or doey eyed around men, she’s a hetro.


Ask her outright

Shock, horror, ASK her? Yep, ask her. It’s not as hard as it seems, honestly. You could simply ask her if she fancies going for a drink with you one night, or catching a movie together. Word it so it’s obvious that you are asking her on a date. Those kind of questions are not what we normally say when we make a new friend. Or you could simply ask her if she likes women. Most women won’t take offence at this in any way. In fact, a few weeks ago one of my friends asked a woman outright if she liked women and she replied ‘no, but I’m flattered you think I’m attractive.’ The worst thing that could happen is you make a straight woman’s day and there’s nothing wrong with that, is there?


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I'm a writer, film maker, producer and a self believer. I live with my girlfriend and two children in Valencia, Spain and I write as I live my life. With passion, honesty and full of fun.

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