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How Losing Your Spark Gives Your Relationship a Chance to Grow

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In almost every relationship, there’s going to come a time when your sex life just isn’t like it used to be. Maybe your schedules have gotten too busy, or one of you is going through a stressful time, or… Okay, there are a million possibilities – it’s not hard to find one that could happen to you.

Aside from all the unpleasantness that’s associated with a dry spell, the truth is that occasionally abstaining from sex is actually good for your mind. It helps you refocus and clarify your thoughts, and it helps you wind down from any confusion over whether you really love her, or you just love parts of her (if you catch my drift).

Aside from that, there are numerous reasons why an occasional dip in the frequency and/or intensity of your sex can be a good thing. We’ve gathered a few answers – can you think of any other benefits?


It guarantees you’re in it for the right reasons.

If your relationship can survive a lack of sex, it’s built on a solid foundation of love and respect. Although you can love and respect a person while still really wanting to be in their pants (or to have them in yours), taking sex out of the equation helps to solidify the idea. Simply put, it gives you time to think everything through. If you care enough to make sure the rest of your relationship is on track, it’s actually scientifically proven to increase the likelihood of sex between you and your partner.


It gives everything a chance to calm down.

I’m not usually a highly sexual person, but I do have my moments where I go all out. It can be very easy to get caught up in the idea of sex for sex’s own sake and become desensitized to the whole process. It takes more and more work to get the same satisfaction out of your sexual encounters. The only way to fix this is by taking a step back. By the time you two are wanting it bad enough to consciously end the drought, you’re going to be more responsive to the little things, because it’s been so long since you’ve experienced them.


It teaches you to appreciate each other.

When it seems like you’ve lost your spark, your mind is being nostalgic to “the good old days”. Whether from a sexual standpoint or a romantic one, it’s easy to start taking advantage of each other after a while. Eventually, either the neglectful partner(s) will realize that they haven’t connected in a while and work to change it, or the neglected partner will get fed up and say something. And, contrary to what you might think – venting our frustrations is an important part of maintaining a healthy relationship (especially when it gets results).


It proves you don’t need sex to have love.

Sometimes, we get so wrapped up in the idea of having sex at regular intervals that we might begin to think that our partner doesn’t love us if she’s not willing to “put out”. But dry spells reassure you that you love her even if you’re not having sex. (Even if you really want to.) It reminds us that sex isn’t as important as we’d like to make it seem, and the only thing wrong with a lack of sex is when it presents an obstacle to the couple’s happiness.

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If only the world was as “open-minded” as us… Alas, matters of sexual identity and equal love, often cause so much friction in the rest of the world. Here, find an open dialogue on the issues facing our LGBT community.

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