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The Lost Art Of Teasing: Why So Many People Find Sex Unsatisfying

Why is it that we find sex less satisfying if the lead-up leaves something to be desired?
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There’s this stigma associated with teasing your partner. Truly, it can be a frustrating experience if you are teased mercilessly without being allowed release, but the truth is, the longer you wait for your orgasm, the more satisfying it will be when you finally get it.

Why is it that we find sex less satisfying if the lead-up leaves something to be desired? Well, there are a number of reasons for this.


Teasing makes us want it more.

It’s a matter of basic human psychology. If you think you can’t have something, you’ll want it more. (Call it reverse psychology, I suppose.) If your partner is big on foreplay – perhaps letting it overshadow the sexual act itself – it can make you beg and squirm for it. Doesn’t that sound fun?


Teasing allows us to focus on our partner more.

When you pay extra attention to the foreplay, you are allowing yourself to explore your partner’s body, perhaps in ways you haven’t explored it before. This lets us get closer and more acquainted with each other, and of course lets us find the little things that turn each other on. In other words, you’ll know your partner better if you try to see what makes her beg.


Teasing takes the focus off the orgasm itself.

While we might like to think of an orgasm as the end-result of sexual activity, the truth is that putting the pressure to “finish” can be damaging. In some situations, if we’re too focused on the idea of getting off, it can make it more difficult to actually do it. Sex is supposed to be a stress reliever – why add extra stress into it?


Teasing feels good.

Let’s be honest. The reason that teasing is so frustrating is because it feels so damn good. So why wouldn’t you want to do it as much as you can? It puts you in a position of control, whether implied or actual, and lets you decide when your partner is ready for more.


Sex without foreplay can hurt.

Depending on the sexual activity you’re participating in, it can be painful to move forward without taking adequate time to get things started. This is especially true with penetrative sex, but it’s also true for clitoral stimulation. If you don’t get it warmed up enough first, it’s not going to feel good.


Sex without foreplay is boring.

Let’s be honest – with the exception of the various positions you can try, the variety involved with sex is pretty limited. When you expand your sexual activities to include more teasing, you’re exponentially increasing the possibilities. After all, you can start teasing anywhere – and then pick up where you left off when it’s more convenient to do so. And that’s really sexy.


Sex without foreplay is too quick.

Hey, don’t get me wrong – sometimes a quickie is just the thing you’re looking for. But if every sexual encounter is over quickly, it gets more and more difficult for us to enjoy it. We start to feel neglected, as if our needs aren’t important to our partner. Too much of this and we may begin to feel that our partner simply doesn’t care, or that they’re rushing things on purpose.


Sex without foreplay is less intimate.

Of course there are ways to be intimate that don’t involve sex at all. But if you feel deeply about your partner, it’s nice to be able to incorporate that intimacy as much as you can – and foreplay is a great way to do it. You can use this time to show your partner how much attention you’ve paid to the things she enjoys, and choose whether you give them to her right away or if you drag it out and make her yearn for it.


Foreplay is an important part of the sexual experience.

Overall, sex isn’t really complete without teasing beforehand. The truth is, the teasing itself can be a wonderful sexual experience even if there is no final release. It brings us closer to each other, and it helps us to explore every part of our partner’s bodies – and it allows us to make the most of every subsequent sexual encounter. If you’re not teasing your partner already, what’s stopping you?


 

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Barbara is a 26-year-old lesbian living in California with her partner (and their “fur babies” - an adorably chubby puppy named Porkchop and a ball python named Ru). In the spare time she pretends to have, she enjoys horror movies, music of all varieties, reading, and complaining about the weather.

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