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Not the End of the World: A Lesbian’s Guide to Surviving a Breakup

A Lesbians Guide to Surviving a Break-Up – Breaking up is never easy, whether you’re gay, straight or lesbian. Sometimes you’ll feel so terrible that you’ll never want to see anyone else again for as long as you live. But there’s always light at the end of the tunnel. Here’s how you can find it:

  1. Accept what has happened – The first reaction people have to the end of a relationship is ‘Oh my God, how could this have happened?’ Denial is a natural response but it isn’t very healthy. Once you start to accept the reality of the end of your relationship the healing process will begin.
  2. You might be angry – This too is a natural next step on the road of grieving. At this stage you’ll probably want to get some distance on your partner. It will probably be sensible to move out of the house you were sharing or to spend time with other friends.
  3. Don’t be scared to ask for help – Get in touch with your friends, but not the friends you share with your ex. You need someone who will listen to you and take you seriously, without judging you.
  4. Mourn – but not for too long – Again, feeling maudlin is perfectly normal in this situation. There will be a long period of feeling sorry for yourself and there’s nothing wrong with that. After a while though, you may start feeling like you are wallowing in the pain when what you really need to do is pick yourself up and get on with your life. You can’t let this bad experience destroy you.
  5. Achieve closure – Make sure you say what you need to say to her and then leave it at that. If you can’t do that face to face then do it by phone or email. You need to be able to feel like you said and did everything you could and that now it is over, the matter is closed.
  6. Don’t be tempted by a rebound – It can be attractive to some to run into the arms of the nearest person offering comfort and love. This may not be wise as your healing process will almost certainly be continuing. It may not be fair either on yourself or the rebound.
  7. Don’t keep it all bottled out – There’s nothing wrong with crying and displaying your emotions. However, you may find it more productive to work through your feelings doing creative activities such as painting, music or writing. Best not to turn to drugs and alcohol to dull the pain – your mental and physical health will pay for it and it will not be the fix you really need.

 

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