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An Open Letter To Anyone Who’s Heartbroken

Dear heartbroken women, I have a few words for you…
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Dear Heartbroken Women,

I know you probably haven’t heard enough positive things about yourself lately, even if it’s only because you can’t hear them right now. I promise you, just because your heart is broken right now doesn’t mean that you aren’t worthy of love. Just because this one wasn’t the right one doesn’t mean that the right one isn’t out there. One day, you will fall in beautiful, hopeless love with someone who feels the same way – and you will breathe a sigh of relief.

I know this hurts right now, and I promise you, it will pass. I know it doesn’t feel like it will, but it will – and probably sooner than you think. Even the most violent storms will someday end, and your pain will someday subside. It probably won’t be today, and probably not even tomorrow. But you will get over the pain.

I know it feels like torture, but I promise you, you won’t die from a broken heart. The pain you feel is very real, but it’s not as bad as it seems. What you feel is your heart growing stronger, and helping to make you a better person. Sometimes, this can be hard to remember, but please, do remember it.

I know you’re feeling rejected right now, but I promise you, whatever negative things your ex said about you in the fight were just a product of the fight. Sure, maybe there are some things you could work on – as well you should. But just because you’re not perfect, doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. No one is perfect, and expecting yourself to be is setting yourself up for failure.

I know you feel low, but I promise you, you are gorgeous – or beautiful, or handsome, or whatever adjective you want to be. No one has the perfect body that you wish you had. Even if your ideal body actually belongs to a real person, there are things that go into making it look perfect – and there are often more problems than solutions when you go looking into changes. Trust me – learn to love the body you have.

I know you think you want to be friends with your ex – but I promise you, that’s a bad idea, at least for now. Be strong. There’s a reason you broke up, and it certainly wasn’t so you could spend more time together with less personal responsibility. Being friends with someone who’s broken your heart is not only difficult, it’s damn-near impossible.

I know you think she was the one, and I promise you “the one” really does exist. But I also promise you that you won’t get it right the first time around. Our first love almost always presents themselves as “the one” – whether on purpose or not – but that’s rarely the case in real life. Your first love is probably not your true love. Just because you love(d) her does not mean you can’t love someone else better, deeper, and more.

I know it feels like a flash flood right now, and I promise that’s normal. You’ve lost a part of yourself and you have to take the time to learn that piece wasn’t all of you. Someday, the rain is going to stop, and a gorgeous rainbow is going to shine through. Wait for this day. Some people say it’s better to learn to dance in the rain – but I think that comes from a society that’s trying to keep us ashamed of our emotions.

I know you’re lonely, but I promise that doesn’t mean you’re alone. Your friends and family (most likely) love you dearly and would do whatever it takes to see you smile. And, in the off chance that your friends and family are complete jerks, I’m always here to listen. I’m always ready to help navigate the rocky waters. I’m always here.

Friends, I know what it’s like to have my heart broken. I know the struggle of trying to put it exactly into words (and, in fact, it’s tough to talk about, even now that I’m not really heartbroken). I’ve been there before, and I’m actually pretty sure I’ll be there again, at some point in my life. (I’m hoping it won’t happen, but statistically speaking, I’ve got a few more people to fall in love with before I really settle down – we’ll see!)

I know that, when you’re feeling heartbroken, it can consume almost all of you. It sucks, pretty bad sometimes, actually. But you are stronger than the pain. You are stronger because you are distancing yourself from the person who caused the pain, whether they meant to or not. If the distance wasn’t your choice, you are still strong. You don’t have to be a soldier to be strong, just like you don’t have to be a clown to be funny. One little ounce of strength is sometimes all you have – and sometimes that means watching the other person walk away and doing nothing to stop her.

I know you have questions, and I promise there are answers.

I know you want closure, and I promise one day you won’t need it.

I know you want her back, and I promise you that you don’t need her to be happy.

You’ll get through this – I promise.


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Author

Barbara is a 26-year-old lesbian living in California with her partner (and their “fur babies” – an adorably chubby puppy named Porkchop and a ball python named Ru). In the spare time she pretends to have, she enjoys horror movies, music of all varieties, reading, and complaining about the weather.

3 Comments

  • xenagirl845 says:

    Not all heartache is from a breakup. I found that true love. Was so happy. Then cancer decided to take her. Now that’s a heart broken worse then any breakup.

  • Barbara Ward Barbara Ward says:

    Hi xenagirl! I am sorry for your loss. I agree – that is definitely a worse kind of heartbreak, and one that I have not personally experienced. I do wish you the best in moving on, and I know she will always hold a special place in your heart.

  • Francis says:

    Yes, I know exactly how it is. I’ve been through it 5 years ago and up to now I still don’t understand it at all, it still aches .The worse is not to have the chance to look in her eyes and to have a last talk about everything. The worst is to be left without explanation, without a chance to talk to eachother, to understand it and without finish the relationship in a proper way. Something we can’t finish aches forever! I almost (really) almost died at that time, I believed I wouldn’t survive that heartbroken pain, in one week I lost 10 pounds in weight and after more weeks I lost 10 ponds more. I know that we don’t die of it but the heart will never be the same again, we can try to glue it together but it will never be the same and I don’t think that I could love in the same way again. I hope, before I die, to have the opportunity to look in her yes, just once more, and to ask why! Thanks for sharing.

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