Lets set the scene. You’re sipping a glass of beer, on a date with someone new. You’re talking, looking into one another’s eyes, and then it suddenly hits you: “Good gods, this is the most mind-numbingly boring date I’ve ever been on. I’ve got to get out of here.”

It’s the time for an exit plan. A strategy that could include faking an illness; food poisoning and migraines are quite popular. Or staging a phone call crisis.

But the problem with these excuses is that everyone knows them and can see through them. So scrap those plans; it’s time to take those methods up a notch, get creative, and plan your exit strategy as obsessively as you plan your weekend getaways.

Here are some ideas to get you started, but be warned—some of them need great acting skills and cooperation from people you know. Click on an idea to read more about it or simply read on.

---

Become the dating weirdo

This takes a wee bit of practice and a willingness to humiliate yourself. But that’s not a problem if you don’t plan on your date ever seeing you again, right? You’re going to have to keep bumping up the crazy level, because you’re not sure yet what your date counts as weird.

---

Become obnoxious date

Think back on all the terrible dates you’ve been on and throw the most repugnant habits and behaviour of your once-and-never-ever-again dates into the mix.

---

Become the psycho ex

Burst into tears. Tell your date that the place reminds you so much of your ex. Hurtle down memory lane and share a long and detailed history of your last failed relationship. Give scary examples of how you showed your love to your ex but was ultimately rejected (“I sat in my car outside of her house all night long and asked my friends and her friends to tell me what she was up to when I wasn’t around. I just wanted to know she was always okay, was that so wroooong?!”). Be inconsolable and excuse yourself for the rest of the evening.

---

Become the clumsy date

Spill something on yourself – great new outfit be damned. Don’t go for something as lame as water; a bowl of creamy soup, the kind that can really leave a huge stain. Make sure your date definitely can’t say that the stain will be gone in an hour or so.

---

Become crisis solver

This is an upgrade to the phone call crisis, and involves a loyal and loving friend. Your friend should rush up to you and yell, “Oh my god, where have you been? I’ve been looking all over for you! I called your roommate and she said I’d find you here. You’ve got to come with me, we’ve got a problem.” Ta-da, exit this away!

---

Become overly committed date

Talk at length about how you’re ready for marriage and kids. Make jokes about how you’ve already picked out a wedding and reception venue, the names of your kids, and a good honeymoon spot. After a while, stand up dramatically and ask your date, “I just want to get this straight. Do you see a future with me or not? I’m not about to waste my time on anyone.” Flounce off in a huff, but make sure you’ve planned your hiding place in case your date comes after you.

---

Become the commitment-phoebe

Have a friend call you and pretend that she is your next date for the night, then tell the person you’re with that you have to run to meet up with someone else. This is ideal for dates that are so openly scamming on other potentials in the room.

---

… Or simply be honest (my pick)

We all tend to rein in what’s really on our minds, so give yourself a chance to be honest by telling your date goodbye before you waste the rest of the evening—and maybe even a few years of your life – if you keep on being too polite – to say that you’re just not interested.

After a breakup of a great relationship, often tell the world you’re free, happy, and all that, but that’s usually far from the truth.

In this new hook-up era, its often cool to been seen as single rather than tied-up in a relationship. And while that may remain true to some, it’s not always the case – especially if the relationship was great.

After all, it’s human nature to want to love and be loved.

---

Phase 1: I’m not crying:

Well actually, it’s healthy to cry. Anyone who calls that “wallowing” has forgotten what breaking up with someone is like.

---

Phase 2: Her loss.

It is incredibly easy to lie to yourself repeatedly about being over them.  We’d rather make ourselves believe that the breakup was less of a loss for us. We’ll go tell our friends that we’re “fine” just so we’ll feel happier for the mean time. On the contrary, however, we’re not, and only a few of our closest friends know that.

---

Phase 3: Socialising.

It’s only logical to think that if something you lost makes you unhappy, replace it so you can be happy again. This is why most lesbians would talk to other women straight after a break up. We don’t have those constant conversations on the phone every night or random text messaging when we’re bored. So we tend to look for it in other people. Other forms of socialising may be excessively tweeting, re-tweeting, or clicking favourite on cryptic tweets, if we have no one to talk to.

---

Phase 4: Depression.

Even if we converse with several people through our phones or social media most of the time, at the end of the day, we’ll always end up feeling lonely. There’s always that nagging feeling that something is missing, especially if the breakup is pretty recent. Of course, we try to put up our poker faces in front of our friends, but when we’re alone, it’s all we can think about.

---

Phase 5: Stalking The Ex.

Yes, we stalk our ex. Most lesbian wouldn’t admit to this, but with the presence of mutual friends and the availability of this sort of technology, it’s most likely been done by every lesbian out there. Even if your ex’s accounts are private and we’ve been blocked, we’ll always find a way to at least get a hint of what she’s up to. I mean, sometimes, we’re just get curious.

---

Phase 6: Exploring the ocean.

Yes, our friends would constantly tell us, “Don’t worry, there are other fish in the sea.” So, we go ahead and try fishing. Now this could either go one of two ways. One, we get to find a really decent woman whom we’re willing to date. Or two, we discover we’re just not over The Ex. It really depends on the time when this happens.

---

Phase 7: Begging for a second chance.

If there’s one thing we’ve learned from watching tearjerkers with The Ex, it’s that there can always be a second chance. This phase is more an internal debate phase, on whether or not we should go back and ask her for another shot. This is coupled with a few conversations with our closest friends too. How it plays out really can’t be predicted, but if we decide to go for a second chance and she accepts, we’re more likely to do better this time. If not, then there’s the next phase.

---

Phase 8: Getting over her.

Honestly, getting over a relationship isn’t easy. We make it seem like we’re so happy after a breakup just so we won’t appear vulnerable. As I said, it’s the ego. However, after a certain amount of time in reflection and the company of good friends, we’ll eventually get over it.