A new study says the key to keeping sexual attraction alive in long-term relationships is being responsive to each others needs outside the bedroom.

American and Israeli scientists found that women reacted more strongly to ‘responsiveness’.

For the study, a hundred couples kept a diary for three weeks and reported on the sexual desire they felt for their partner, in addition to their perceptions of how responsive their partner was.

The results, which found sexual desire increased along with responsiveness, were reported in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

Gurit Birnbaum, a psychology professor at the Interdisciplinary Centre in Herzliya, Israel, who co-authored the paper, explained:

Our research shows that partners who are responsive to each other outside the bedroom are able to maintain their sexual desire.”

Responsive partners – who are aware of their companion’s emotional needs – demonstrate a high level of understanding of their partner and are thought to have deeply invested in a relationship.

‘Being nice’ and things like that are not necessarily based on who the partner is and what the partner really wants. When a mate is truly responsive, the relationship feels special and unique and he or she is perceived as valued and desirable.

Responsiveness, which is a type of intimacy is so important in a relationship because it signals that one is really concerned with the welfare of the other, but in a way that is truly open and informed about what the other cares about and wants.

Sexual desire thrives on increasing intimacy and being responsive is one of the best ways to instil this elusive sensation over time; better than any pyrotechnic sex.”

So, ‘being nice’ doesn’t necessarily work, but being ‘truly responsive’ to your partner’s needs makes your relationship feel ‘special and unique’.

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The timeline that (most) relationships go through is sort of a funny thing. In the beginning of the relationship, most couples are shy and timid, followed by a period where they can’t keep their hands off each other. Things stay pretty heavy for a while, but then, in time, they start to drift back to their previously reserved state. Usually, it’s not intentional – we just start to get preoccupied with other things.

Keeping the romance and magic alive in your long-term relationship is not always easy, but it’s pretty important in maintaining your bond over the years. After all, do you want to be the couple who spends their Wednesday nights eating silently at the same table at 70 years old, or do you want to be the couple who takes trips together, plays like children, and actually has sex after the age of 40? (I’m guessing you’d rather be in that second category.)

The good news is that it doesn’t take a lot of effort to keep your spark alive – just a little bit of initiative. Try these 7 flirty mini-challenges and repeat as often as needed.

1. Massage therapy – it’s a real thing.

Most of the time, the romance starts to fade away when we get too caught up in what we need to do and don’t spend enough time thinking about what we want to do. This leads to a lot of unnecessary stress, not to mention physical pain and exhaustion. A relaxing massage can tackle all three problems without too much effort. And you don’t need to be a certified massage therapist to get these benefits – just look up some massage tips online, and listen to your partner’s body. Chances are, you already know where her most high-stress areas are, as well as her erogenous zones – use these to your advantage as you work out all the knots.

2. She needs a reminder of your love sometimes.

Another one of the biggest reasons we lose our romance is because we take for granted that our partner knows how we feel. We’re comfortable enough with one another that we assume she knows what we’re thinking. It’s important to realize that’s not the case, though, and even the most secure and self-confident women like hearing that they’re loved, respected, and appreciated. (And it wouldn’t hurt to explain the physical and mental attractions, too.) Write your partner a love note and leave it somewhere she’ll find it while she’s going through her day. If you’re a little more ambitious, consider making her a journal of your love – there are numerous prompt books available online, or you can pick up a nice notebook and do it all freehand.

3. Make out like horny teenagers.

In the beginning of the relationship, when you’re still completely infatuated with one another, it’s so easy to make out with one another. After a while, though, it feels like we don’t need to anymore – after all, sex isn’t the most important thing anymore, and what’s the point of making out if not to lead to sex? But thinking like that is part of what helps your romance go away. Because you undervalue the importance of the small romantic (and sensual) gestures, you take away the romantic feelings they bring. Make time to make out with each other on a regular basis, but don’t put any expectations on where things will lead. It’s important to keep some spontaneity!

4. Girlfriend’s choice for dinner.

Sometimes, it really is the simple things that make all the difference. Simply learning how to cook your girlfriend’s favorite meal – or, at the very least, finding a restaurant that has it on the menu – is a sweet way to show her you care, and that you know what she likes. If it’s a family recipe, ask her to share it with you or teach you how to make it. Once you’ve learned all her favorites, consider cooking a few of your own favorites and family traditions.

5. Buy her something she’d never buy for herself (even though she really wants it).

Many women feel guilty about spending money on themselves, and avoid splurges. If your girlfriend has been eyeing that expensive sweater, or disappointed in her usual boxed wine, splurge on her behalf and buy her a treat. This may be something she’s asked for, for a gift, or it could be something she’s been looking at online and keeps taking back out of her cart. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive – she’ll be happy that you thought of her. (Not sure what to get? KitschKandy has a wealth of great gift options!)

6. Get a little nostalgic.

Go back to a spot that has a sentimental significance to your relationship – maybe the place you met, where you had your first date, or the first place you two went on vacation together. Take some time to talk and remember the early days, when your relationship was still full of passion. If you live too far away from your sentimental places now, consider finding some new meaningful places – you can still think back to the good old days.

7. Kiss her in public.

Lastly, if you want to bring back the romance and you’re envious of couples who do the whole PDA thing, you’ve got to actually show a little affection. Hold her hand, steal little kisses, and even discretely touch her butt. (Hey – no judgment!) You two get to decide how much PDA you personally feel comfortable with, within any local regulations (and respective of your safety, of course). Don’t be afraid to show her how much you care about her just because there are other people around.

Of all the stereotypes that befall the lesbian community, I think the stereotype about us falling for our (often straight) best friends is probably the most prevalent.

What’s worse is that we aren’t always open about our feelings – eye roll – so it’s entirely possible that we’ll both be crushing on one another and still not even know that the other person feels the same way.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, there’s also the possibility that only one of you is feeling it – which can create a ton of awkwardness, and could possibly rip apart the friendship. (You can’t be friends with someone you’re in love with, so if your crush progresses too far, things get really, really complicated.)

Obviously, we wish that people would just be a little more forthright with their opinions – even if we, ourselves, are not being forthright. But, assuming that’s not going to change any time soon, how can you tell how she’s feeling?

We’ve gathered up 14 clues that she might be into you. You’ll still need to ask her to be sure, but these are some of the most common signs.

1. She goes out of her way to be nice to you.

You might be thinking to yourself that this sounds like a real grey area. After all, you’re supposed to be nice to your besties… Right? But there’s a difference between “being nice” and “going out of your way”. If she’s picking up coffee on her way over to your house, any good friend will pick you up one, too. But if your bestie chooses to go to your favorite coffee shop, the one that’s all the way across town and way out of the way, she might be trying to let you know she’s into you.

2. She makes plans for just the two of you.

This is another area where things can get a little grey. Every set of friends will occasionally hang out one-on-one, and that doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s anything more going on. Usually, though, this happens when plans were made and most of the circle backed out. If your bestie is only inviting you along – and asking you at least a few days in advance – guess what? It’s a date!

3. She does the things she says she’s going to do – always.

This is something that can vary a lot from friend to friend. After all, some friends are reliable to a fault, even without any romantic attachments, and others are completely flaky no matter who they’re dealing with. Chances are, though, if she seems to make an abnormal number of promises – and does everything in her power to keep them – she’s probably feeling you.

4. She initiates conversations with you, even if there are other people around, too.

When you’re hanging out in a group with all your mutual friends, does she make a point to say hello to you – either before or after she says hello to everyone else? These two key shout-out placements both reflect a desire to show you special attention. When she says hello first, she could be communicating that you’re the one she’s most interested in. If she instead says hello to you last, she’s opening the door for a further conversation with you.

5. She asks about (and possibly teases you about) who you’re dating or sleeping with.

Although you may talk about your sexual exploits with all of your friends – or none of them – the friend who has a crush on you is going to inquisitively ask you about what you’ve got going on in your love life. It seems like she’s genuinely interested in offering her opinions, but most likely, she’s trying to gauge if she has a chance with you or not.

6. She sends you texts she’d be embarrassed for your other mutual friends to read.

Whether it’s emoji overdose, cheesy nickname use, or inside jokes galore, a friend who talks noticeably different with you, compared to her other friends, is probably crushing on you. (And, obviously, if she seems like she’s flirting with you in text messages, she most likely is – there’s a little bit of truth behind every “just kidding”.)

7. She compliments you as often as reasonable.

This one requires a little bit of careful deduction. On the days you’re feeling down, your friends are probably going to be there to pick you back up. But those days when you’re all dressed up for a date, and your friend makes a point to tell you how hot you are… It might not just be empty flattery.

8. She texts you for no reason, at odd hours of the day and night.

In our modern society, a text is the new way to call upon your boo – so if she’s texting you for no reason, or at times that aren’t really “reasonable” (such as 4am, or while you’re in the middle of work), she might be angling for something more. (Or, she might just be insomniac – it can go that way, too.)

9. She teases you a lot… But in a sweet way (if that makes any sense at all).

I’m not talking about pulling on your pigtails or making you cry, but she’s definitely going to crack a joke or two to try and make you blush. It’s all pretty harmless – or, at least, it aims to be – but you might feel like she’s picking on you in particular. (She totally is.)

10. She brags about herself to you.

We already discussed how it’s practically your friends’ jobs to compliment you when you’re feeling down – but talking themselves up to you? That’s a pretty sure sign that they’re actually trying to talk themselves up to you! We brag about ourselves in an effort to impress someone else, and to make ourselves look better. If the things she brags about seem to tie in with the things you’re attracted to, it’s probably not a coincidence.

11. She makes dirty jokes at your expense.

Sexual discourse will vary from one person to the next, especially since people fall at all different points on the spectrum from “coy” to “vulgar”. Whether it’s sly innuendo or outright air-humping you, the friend who has feelings for you may start to make sexual jokes with you right at their center. She may also try to pass it off as “just kidding”, but like we said before, there’s a little bit of truth behind every one.

12. She has a habit of “like”-ing every single selfie.

She never gets tired of seeing your face in her news feed or timeline – so she’s going to “like” everyone to make sure you stay there. She wants you to know that she’s digging you, but she doesn’t want to be forthright about it. (Although, you might occasionally catch her accidentally liking an Instagram picture from six months ago – just go with it, and pretend you didn’t catch her stalking you.)

13. She geeks out with you over shared interests.

Obviously, you’re friends because you’ve got something in common – but she might be paying extra special attention talking about your shared interests, or things that are similar but not the same thing (this will be her trying to recommend you other things she thinks you’ll like it – check them out, even if you’re not into her).

14. She spends (unnecessary) money on you.

Just like we said all the way back in #1, all friends are going to spend money on each other if they’ve been friends for long enough – it’s just how these things work. But if she seems to regularly spend her money on you, without you asking or reciprocating, 1) she probably has a thing for you, and 2) you probably owe her a couple thank-you’s, regardless of whether you’re interested or not. It doesn’t mean you have to date her – but you do have to be gracious with your rejection if you decide to take that route.

New relationships can be exciting. Whether you’ve known each other forever and finally decided to pursue something, or you just met a few days ago and can’t imagine how you got by without her before, those early-stage butterflies can be pretty intense. But how do you tell the difference between “infatuated” and “in love”? Everyone always says “You’ll know it when you feel it” – but what if you don’t?

Thankfully, the signs that you’re in love are pretty unanimous. If you find yourself checking off at least most of the following signs, you might just be in love for real – let me be the first to congratulate you!

You see her in your future.

While our future plans are definitely subject to change at any time, due to factors within and outside of our control, there’s a strong connection between what you think about and what you really want. If your future plans happen to include her – whether next month or five years from now – chances are, you’re in love with her.

You enjoy spending time with her.

Truthfully, this is one of the areas where loving someone and being infatuated with them get a little blurred together, since you’ll probably want to spend time with her either way. But if it doesn’t matter what you’re doing, as long as you’re together, you might just be in love.

You like the things she can’t stand about herself.

One of the truest measures of your love is your ability to accept the other person’s perceived flaws. If she hates her weird toes and you can’t get enough of them, or you enjoy brushing her hard-to-manage curly hair, it might be your little way of helping complete them.

You’ve stopped caring about your past relationships.

Almost as if by magic, your past relationships suddenly don’t matter anymore. The urge to check up on your ex on Facebook is gone. You unfollow that hot girl you were Insta-crushing on. You even start to lose touch with some friends who seem to have sketchy intentions – you’re all about your partner and don’t want to let anyone come in between.

You naturally assume you’re going to grow old together.

Even though, statistically, it might not happen, you don’t care. Your relationship makes you feel like you can beat all the odds. You can’t even think about what would happen if things go bad, because it just doesn’t make sense to think like that.

You’re mentally and physically attracted to her.

When we’re infatuated with someone, it usually stems from either a mental or a physical level. When you’re truly in love with someone, the chemistry is going to be there in both areas. You’re equally happy having passionate sex as you are having a deep, meaningful conversation.

You talk to her about everything.

You’re not worried about being judged when you tell her the things that worry you, or the things that make you happy, or the things pressing against your mind. You’re not even worried about telling her the embarrassing things – like when you bruised your labia climbing the cemetery fence, or when you fell off your surf board and ate a mouthful of sand.

You can’t help but tell people about her.

Talking to other people reminds you of this funny thing that your girlfriend said the other day. Or, a song you hear at the club reminds you of her, so you tell your friends. Basically, any excuse you can find to bring her up, you probably will – but it’s all positive things, of course.

Your partner starts to be a priority in your life.

When you’re infatuated with someone, you’ll want to make a date with them whenever you start to have free time. But when you really love someone, you don’t consider dates a “free time” activity anymore – she’s a part of your regular routine now.

You miss her when you’re apart.

It seems so obvious – after all, we miss people we care about, even if we’re not in love with them. But when you’re in love with someone, you start to miss her right away. Even if you’re seriously irritated with her. And it might be confusing sometimes, because you may have even told her to leave you alone, but as soon as she’s gone, you can’t help but keep thinking about her.

You see reminders of your love everywhere.

As cheesy as it makes you feel, love songs totally make you thinking of her. So does a warm breeze, or a flower on the sidewalk, or your morning coffee…

You get mad at her, but can’t seem to stay mad at her.

Forgiveness comes naturally when you’re in love with someone, and even when she screws up royally, you’re willing to talk it out and make things work. When the love is real, you can’t just walk away over silly little things – you’re in it for the long haul.

You want to be a better person because of her.

When you’re truly in love, you’re going to feel like your partner is way out of your league – and if she’s in it for the right reasons, she’ll feel the same way about you. This inspires both of you to improve yourselves, making your future that much brighter because you’re building it together.

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If there’s one thing that most relationships have in common, it’s that we could all use a little more romance. Even those of us who pretend we don’t have any emotions secretly yearn for someone to sweep us off our feet… Especially if it’s been a while since we really felt that spark.

While we tend to think of anniversaries and Valentine’s day for our big romantic affairs, why not celebrate the smaller milestones and events, too? It’s always a good time to have a great time. These 14 date ideas are sure to bring you closer together and spark the magic all over again.

1. Ride in a hot air balloon.

It might not be the easiest to arrange, but it’s sure to stay on her mind for a long time to come. Plus, it’s just about as close to a magic carpet ride as most people ever get.

2. Bake for a fundraiser together.

Couples who enjoy cooking or giving back to the community will love spending the day together baking sweets and breads for charity fundraisers and food drives. You get to bring joy to others, and remind yourselves of the joy you share together.

3. Sunbathe on the beach or lakeshore together.

It’s scientifically proven that spending time in the sunshine makes you happier – so get out there and soak up that Vitamin D! Just make sure you’re using adequate sun protection – skin damage is no laughing matter.

4. Go on a cruise together.

If you’ve never experienced the luxury of a cruise on the water, it’s definitely something you should look into. And the prices aren’t as bad as you might think – consider a sightseeing cruise or a dinner cruise if you’re on a strict budget, or opt for a vacation cruise if you can afford it.

5. Go out to a rooftop club or bar.

There’s something magical about looking out over an entire city while you sip champagne and imported beer. You may need to travel a bit to find one, but a bar with a great view and plenty of air flow will make it more than just a night out drinking.

6. Take dance or cooking lessons together.

For the couples who love learning new things and expanding their cultural horizons, enrolling in a class together gives you a dedicated date night and a great learning opportunity. The couple that grows together, stays together!

7. Book a night in a honeymoon suite.

It might seem a bit cheesy to stay in a honeymoon suite if you’re not really newlyweds, but – believe it or not – there’s not usually a stipulation that says you have to be on your honeymoon to stay in the honeymoon suite. Just make sure to book far in advance for the best rates and most availability.

8. Visit a museum or art gallery together.

Whether you’re looking to learn something or you’re looking to be totally blown away by the beauty around you, museums and art galleries let you soak in the collective feeling of the exhibits – and visiting an outdoor exhibit at night has even more pronounced romance.

9. Get take-out and eat at the drive-in.

If you’re going to do dinner and a movie, grab take-out and take it to your nearest drive-in theater. There aren’t too many of them around these days, but if you’re lucky enough to live close to one, there’s a reason they’ve been the go-to make-out spot for the last 50 years.

10. Book a couple’s massage or spa day.

Hey, every now and then, we all need a little pampering. While happy relationships usually involve the partners giving each other massages every now and then, there’s something extra special about paying a professional to do it every now and then!

11. Watch the sunrise together.

It doesn’t matter if you stay up all night and watch the sun rise in the morning, or if you set an alarm to wake up extra early. The colors of the morning rays are sure to bring delight, and the crisp morning air is perfect for kissing and cuddling.

12. Go see a live indie band perform.

I can’t stress enough the importance of supporting your local music scene, so if you’ve got a venue near you that books local talent, get out there and support it!

13. Cozy up and read a book together by the fire.

If you have an outdoor fire pit, either in your yard or somewhere in your town, bring a book and a cozy blanket and spend some time together basking in the glow.

14. Camp out in your own back yard.

Sleeping under the stars is a one-of-a-kind experience, so take advantage of a clear night sky and snuggle up in the back yard. For extra fun, try to spot the constellations or planets – and maybe even the star you named in her honor. (Please note that the International Star Registry is just for novelty – they don’t actually have any involvement with the scientific community.)

Competition is, simultaneously, the bane of my existence and also my guilty pleasure. Competing against others is largely a waste of time. Sure, it might motivate you to improve yourself, but if you’re always comparing yourself to other people, you’re never really going to be satisfied with yourself.

But, that’s not to say that having a competitive streak has never done any good for anyone. In fact, when you make a point to compete with yourself, you tend to find yourself inspired to try more new things, make more positive changes, and generally just live a more fulfilled life. Bringing your partner in on your team is even better, because the two of you can team up to take on all your goals – and when one of you wins, you both win.

If you and your partner are looking to get on the path to self-improvement together, why not start with a 30-day relationship challenge? Each day of this challenge is meant to bring you closer together, without straying too far out of your comfort zone. Give it a try today and see how your relationship blossoms! (Feel free to mix up the order so it fits with your schedule – just make sure you hit all the right stops eventually!)

Day One: Learn something new.

Ideally, you should kick off your challenge by signing up for a class. Your local community center may offer one-day workshops that teach you how to make a dish, how to shape pottery, or something else. If your area doesn’t offer classes like this, find a video course or tutorial online and put your new knowledge to the test!

Day Two: Switch it up.

Start your “bedroom adventures” in another room in your house – somewhere you’ve never had sex with her before. If you’ve already had sex in every room of your house, consider a (fenced) back yard or screened-in patio.

Day Three: Watch a sunset.

Go for a walk or a drive without a destination in mind. Once you’ve found the perfect spot, pull over, lay out a blanket, and watch the sun go down from the comfort of your love’s arms.

Day Four: Get fancy.

It’s time to get dressed up for that fancy restaurant you’ve been dying to go to! Pull out your most dazzling outfit, get all dolled up, and go out. If your area doesn’t have any fancy restaurants (or if you can’t fit it in the budget), opt for a supercharged night on the town instead.

Day Five: Write it down.

Write your partner a quick note telling her how you feel about her – whether it’s sweet or sexy. Leave this note somewhere she’ll find it through the course of her day. (Extra points if you make each other blush!)

Day Six: Head start.

Start your day in the fieriest way possible: With steamy morning sex. If you’re not feeling your freshest, consider morning sex in the shower. (After a little coffee, of course – shower sex injuries are real, you know.)

Day Seven: Catch up.

Stay up late talking about the things you haven’t had time to talk about lately. Whether it’s the things that have been distracting you from work, the things she did that you’re grateful for, or the things you want for the future, really take this time to get to know each other. (Try to make sure you get at least 6 hours of sleep after, though.)

Day Eight: Go out – again!

Find a local concert, show, or even karaoke night and go enjoy the cadence of other people singing. If you enjoy karaoke, feel free to join in, too – but make sure you’re giving your partner most of your attention on date night.

Day Nine: Photo shoot.

Spend the afternoon taking pictures together. You can take pictures of her, she can take pictures of you, or you can have a stranger take pictures of the two of you together. It doesn’t really matter – as long as you’re documenting how happy you feel when you’re together.

Day Ten: Road trip.

Spend the day driving around and singing along with the radio. Leave the GPS turned off (unless you get seriously lost and have to work in the morning) and just take in the scenery and the beauty of each other.

Day Eleven: Stay in.

Rent a movie (or decide on one from your streaming service) and cuddle up on the couch to watch it. If you don’t subscribe to any renting or streaming programs, get two copies of the same book – or check out KitschMix.TV for some great lesbian web shows.

Day Twelve: Surprise each other.

Each of you should do something spontaneous for the other. It’s up to you whether you choose something your partner’s been begging for in the bedroom, a spectacular night on the town, or dinner at her favorite restaurant.

Day Thirteen: Send positive vibes.

Send her happy thoughts, compliments, and sexy texts while you two are apart. Really try to reign in on what makes her smile.

Day Fourteen: PDA.

Go out somewhere specifically with the intention of showing some PDA. It doesn’t have to be anything too risqué, and if you’re worried about outing yourself, it can be somewhere away from home. Just take a few hours to soak in the thrills of being unapologetically in love.

Day Fifteen: Chef’s surprise.

Whip up something in the kitchen – without any prepared foods. Follow a recipe and try something new together, that neither of you has ever tried before!

Day Sixteen: Get clean.

Take a shower or bath together. Pay close attention to each other’s bodies, and help each other get clean. Then, if the mood strikes you, feel free to follow it up in the bedroom!

Day Seventeen: Game on.

Play a board or card game together, or challenge each other in a tournament. Just remember to keep the competition friendly!

Day Eighteen: New moves.

Look up and try a new sex position that neither of you has attempted before – the dirtier the better!

Day Nineteen: Double date.

Go on a “couple’s date” with friends. If you don’t have any couple friends, try to meet some. Get out and socialize with some people you both like – it’s worth it!

Day Twenty: Strip tease.

Now’s your chance to show off the body your partner loves! If you’re into lingerie, get something new and model it for her. If you’re more the boxers-and-sports-bra type, dress up in something spiffy and do a little dance for her.

Day Twenty-One: Get away.

Rent a hotel room or a camping space for the night, just to get away from your everyday routine. If money is tight, backyard camping is also an acceptable option. Sleep somewhere new and fresh, and don’t let your inhibitions get in the way!

Day Twenty-Two: Gratitude.

Make a list of all the reasons you love, respect, and are grateful for each other, and then share it. If you’re the artsy type, decorating and framing it is definitely an option!

Day Twenty-Three: Unplug.

Make a commitment to stay away from screens for an entire day, in favor of spending time together instead. No phones, no TV, and no computers – can you do it?

Day Twenty-Four: Reminisce and reflect.

Look through old pictures of the two of you when you first met, or bust out the childhood pictures. Let the pictures remind you of stories to tell, and spend some time being nostalgic.

Day Twenty-Five: Get active.

Find some physical activity that you both enjoy (or at least don’t totally hate) and do it together. Running, walking, tennis, and yoga are all excellent choices.

Day Twenty-Six: New-age mix tape.

Spend a little time crafting a playlist for each other, using songs that remind you of them and songs that remind you of how you feel. If you’ve got a little more time, you can also create a playlist of “your songs” – the ones that were meaningful to both of you!

Day Twenty-Seven: Give back.

Find a volunteering opportunity in your local area, and give back to your community together. (Don’t just donate money – you should be actively helping, if you can.)

Day Twenty-Eight: De-stress.

Have your own couple’s spa day – either in the comfort of your own home, or at a spa or salon. Massages, manicures, blow-outs, or facials – as long as you’re relaxing together, you’re doing great!

Day Twenty-Nine: Clean house.

Pick a room in your house and completely change it up. Rearrange the furniture, paint the walls, or just thoroughly clean up – anything that gives it a new feeling.

Day Thirty: Slow dance.

You’ve completed the 30-day relationship challenge – congratulations! Now put on some nice soft music and dance together.

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Have you already found that person you just can’t live without? If so, then you probably know these 22 things to be true:

1. You can communicate telepathically.

Maybe not literally, but there’s definitely some things that don’t need to be said.

2. You can’t remember what life what life was like before her.

Not that you care, though – meeting her was the new start you always needed.

3. She challenges you.

Not because she thinks you’re wrong – because she knows you’re capable of so much more.

4. She knows the secret switches.

Whether you’re stressed out, pissed off, or super depressed about your favorite OTP breaking up, she knows how to make things better.

5. She knows the things that tick you off, and tries not to do them.

Of course she’s going to screw up every now and then – but she tries as hard as she can to keep your heart in one piece.

6. You have kept the chemistry alive for years.

There may have been a few bumps in the road, but she’d never even threaten to go anywhere.

7. You’re completely comfortable around each other.

You appreciate the glorious and the gross things about each other.

8. You genuinely miss each other after a few days apart.

She can’t wait to tell you what happened while she was away, and you stay up late to catch up.

9. It feels like you’ve been together a lot longer.

When it’s real, it’ll feel like she’s always been a part of your life.

10. You don’t always agree, but you agree on the things that matter.

You both know that fighting about the silly little things is just pointless.

11. Your families have merged.

Her family feels like your family, and vice versa. (Extra credit if they all get along!)

12. You don’t really even notice anyone else.

You don’t feel the need to look for someone new, because you’re happy with what you have.

13. You’re empathetic of each other’s feelings.

When she’s happy, you smile too. When she’s hurting, you feel the pain, too.

14. She’s in all the stories you tell.

In the beginning, your friends are probably going to be a little bugged about it – but eventually they’ll feel like they know her just as well as you do.

15. She thinks your quirks are adorable.

She loves your weird sneezes and the way you snore. You love her crooked fingers and her scary-loud burps. You just get each other.

16. She makes you want to be a better person.

Whether you’ve actually made changes in your life or not, she inspires you to be the very best.

17. She supports your dreams.

Even if she doesn’t fully understand why you want to travel the country in an RV, she’s totally on board with the idea.

18. She’s your partner in crime.

Whatever you do, you do it with the confidence that your partner supports you.

19. She makes you feel safe.

You feel protected and secure, and you can’t imagine how you ever got by without her on your team.

20.You feel like you’re home when you’re with her.

For the first time in your life, home feels like a person, instead of a place.

21. You feel like you’ve become the same person.

And it’s not weird, like stalker-y, but sort of nice – like you don’t really have to try so hard.

22. You are your most authentic self in front of her.

You are your best and worst when you’re with her, and she loves all of it.

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I’m not very good at “casual” relationships. I’ve tried, but I just can’t date someone just on a whim. If I’m in it, I’m in it for real. Sometimes, that’s led others to push me to be a little less serious about the person I was with (okay, maybe that’s just because I used to have pretty horrible taste in women). “Why don’t you just… Explore your other options?” they’d ask me, with a smile on their faces as if they were giving me helpful advice.

While dating around works well for some, and some women have a strong need to stay single, I don’t regret the committed life I live, and here’s 24 reasons why.

1. You can still do the “single person stuff” you want to do.

My girlfriend and I can go to the bar together, or hang out with our own friends, or do our own thing. If I stay at home on a Friday night, it’s because I want to, not because she told me to.

2. You’ve already found what other people are searching for.

I didn’t go on some epic journey to find someone who understands me – she just happened to enter my life when I was still young. There’s nothing wrong with being picky and waiting a little longer – but why make yourself wait just for the sake of waiting?

3. You get to grow and learn together.

My girlfriend and I are going to be starting college together in a month and a half, and – honestly – I am so excited. I know that there’s still time to achieve our goals – I’m not stuck searching for someone who already has it all together.

4. The sex is better in a committed relationship than a casual one.

When your partner actually knows you, inside and out, the sex is better. This is proven by tons of scientific studies.

5. She’s like your own personal cheerleader.

Sure, sometimes she’s cheering you on for something she wants you to do, but most of the time, she’s reaffirming the things you’re not so confident about, and that feels amazing.

6. You already know what’s important to you.

Where other people my age might be trying to figure out what their type is, or what sort of person they’re attracted to, or how to handle their emotions, I’ve already got it all figured out. I’m the master of my own happiness, at a relatively young age.

7. You have someone to figure life out with.

Your 20s are basically a time to screw things up royally while you’re figuring out how to not screw things up royally. Being in a serious relationship while I face these new adulting challenges means I’ve got someone in my corner to keep me accountable.

8. You have someone to come home to.

At the end of the day, I know there’s going to be someone there for me to cuddle up next to. If we’re apart for whatever reason, she’s just a phone call away.

9. You don’t have to deal with dating scene drama.

Every time I listen to my friends complaining about the creeps they met on MeetMe or OKCupid or whatever site the kids are using these days, I look to my girlfriend and just breathe a sigh of relief.

10. You don’t have to have the awkward STD talk nearly as often.

Because, as we all know, if you’re not comfortable having the conversation, you’re not ready to have sex – pure and simple.

11. You get little reminders of the things that are awesome about you.

Because, let’s face it – 20-somethings aren’t always the masters of self-confidence. But when you’ve found someone who truly loves and cares about you, she’s going to remind you how great you are as often as she can. (And not to get laid, but because she thinks you should know.)

12. You get to teach each other new things and go on adventures together.

We’re not bogged down with exhausting jobs or family commitments, nor are we too shy to be ourselves around each other. Together, we can take on the world.

13. You don’t have to rush into marriage.

Once you turn 30, there seems to be this push to either get married, or swear off the idea of marriage altogether. In your 20s, everyone is pushing you not to get married yet – so we’ve got more time to get everything sorted out first.

14. You don’t feel rushed into having kids, yet, either.

We’ve been together for years and our families just started asking about grandkids. Compared to our older siblings, who already had kids at our age, we feel confident that we’ll be better prepared.

15. It’s easier to start as friends.

It’s a really sad fact that you’re better at making friends when you’re younger. Think about it: Your average three-year-old probably has at least a dozen “best friends”, while your average 40-year-old probably only has one or two. At a time when you have more friends, based on statistics, it’s even more likely that one of them is meant to be something more.

16. You’ve got someone “safe” to gossip with.

We all know that we shouldn’t discuss other people’s business, but I don’t think there’s a single person who has honestly never indulged in gossip. When you only share gossip with the person who’d carry your secrets to the grave, you can gossip without all the guilt!

17. You have someone to bring to awkward family gatherings.

Especially if you’re not actually “out” yet – your average casual hook-up probably isn’t going to come play bestie at your family’s barbecue. Your love, on the other hand, will gladly tag along, just to get a peek at the rest of your life, because she wants to be in the picture long-term.

18. You don’t have to choose between your love life and your career.

Since you found your match before you got too deep into your search for income, you have that much more time to focus on making your dreams happen. And, let me tell you, I’m glad I’m going to reach my dreams before I’m 30.

19. You have more practice being good partners, compared to people who date around.

Again, there’s nothing wrong with dating around. But by the time our less-serious friends are starting to get ready to settle, we’ve already been settled. We already know how to be a good partner, because we’ve been a good partner for so long.

20. Adulting is so much more fun with someone else.

Folding laundry magically turns into time to catch up on your favorite shows. Grocery shopping turns into a scavenger hunt challenge. Doing the dishes can easily turn into a water fight. I’m sure you get the idea.

21. You’ve got a support system when your friends are too busy.

As much as your older relatives might joke that the hard part of life has just begun, there’s no denying that your 20s are a time of major stress and depression for hundreds of millions of people worldwide. And, thankfully, your girlfriend will be there to help pick you up when you get a little crazy.

22. You save money, because you don’t feel pressured to go out all the time.

I mean, obviously, you’re down to meet friends – but you don’t feel the need to go out of your way for it anymore. Maybe you’ve settled, but it’s better on your bank account.

23. You help push each other to be better people.

Instead of changing each other to fit a predefined mold, we can urge them to be their own best version of themselves. It’s not about impressing each other, it’s about building an empire together.

24. You feel totally blessed because you have a partner.

No matter what happens in life, or how independent you may be, you get the comfort of knowing there will always be someone in your corner. That’s magical. She’s there to love, encourage, and support you, and all she asks in exchange is that you do the same for her. Who else is going to give you that?

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Maintaining regular date nights after you and your partner live together is hard, to say the least. There’s a level of comfort that you might never have felt with anyone else, or at least there’s a level of intimacy that you’re not getting with anyone else in your life. Yet, you need to keep the romance alive, or else you’ll start to drift apart. What do you do?

There’s a common misconception that your date nights have to be all-out, magical experiences. Sure, it’s a good idea to have a magical date every now and then – but all you really need to do is show her that you care, on a regular basis.

Looking for some date ideas you can throw together at the last minute, without losing their charm? We’ve got you covered!

1. Have a coffee or tea date on the front porch (or similar location).

All you need for this date is a coffee maker or tea kettle, some nice cups, and a porch, balcony, or sun room. Spend the better part of the morning catching up on the small talk, the workplace gossip, or whatever else you’ve been too busy to tell each other.

2. Go for a long walk at your local park or outdoor market.

If you live somewhere with good weather (or can get somewhere with more pleasant weather in a quick time), you can arrange to go for a walk together. Make sure you have appropriate clothing and plenty of time to wander around and take in the beauty. As an added bonus, getting physically active together is a great habit to get into.

3. Have a picnic out in nature.

I’m not suggesting you go camping (because I personally hate camping), but having a picnic in the woods is romantic, relaxing, and unique. Just make sure to stock up on bug spray!

4. Go to the club and order drinks you’ve never tried.

In general, it’s probably best to stick with one new drink per night (unless you’re going with unfamiliar beers), but use your own judgment. Mix things up by ordering for each other – and don’t forget the appetizers!

5. Spend the day at the library together.

Most of us don’t spend nearly as much time reading as we should – so spend a day signing up for library cards and picking out books for one another. Try to keep your partner’s interests in mind when you choose, but toss in a few of your personal favorites, too. It’s a strange way to bond, but it’s sure to make lasting memories.

6. Go for a hike within your city.

Whether you live in the rural outskirts or a thriving metropolis, there’s sure to be places you can access only by foot – so seek them out! If you’re short on ideas, try downloading a geocaching app and see what other local users recommend.

7. Have a personal cocktail party.

Who says drinking alone has to be boring? When your party revolves around you and your partner, there’s no one else to screw things up and get in your way. As long as you clearly define your intentions beforehand, feel free to release your inhibitions.

8. Write love notes for one another, and spend the day reading them together.

Whether it’s a simple “I love you” on a sticky note or a four-page letter sealed with a kiss, try to put your feelings into words – and then take charge and read them out loud. It’s a new way to challenge your comfort with one another while bringing your relationship closer.

9. Make beautiful things together.

Many community centers offer painting, pottery, or calligraphy classes – look into the classes offered in your area and pick one to attend together. If you’re looking for something a little more last-minute, go to your local art supply store and pick up some canvas and paint and spend the day doing portraits of each other!

10. Bring in a little green.

There’s a strong connection between taking care of plants and your overall happiness – and it doesn’t matter if you don’t have a yard. Go to your local garden department and find some cool-looking plants to spruce up your place. If neither of you has a green thumb, consider succulents – they’ve got the hardiness of cacti, without the sharp edges.

11. Make breakfast in bed.

One of the greatest meals ever is homemade breakfast in bed, and thankfully breakfast foods require very little culinary skill (usually). For those who really can’t cook, picking up coffee and take-out is almost as good.

12. Hit the road – and flex those muscles.

Bike rides can be a great way to get physically fit while having a good time, and adding a little bit of friendly competition to the equation can make it even more interesting.

13. Get dressed up and book a last-minute reservation.

You might need to call a few places to find open tables, but you might get to try something you’ve never tried before. It’s worth exploring your local cuisine – you don’t need an excuse!

14. Take photos – with real film – of each other.

Get a disposable camera or a Polaroid camera and get shutter-happy. Polaroids are great because you’ll instantly have the memory in your hand, but disposables are great because the pictures can come as a surprise later. Try both and see which you prefer!

15. Have food delivered – no cooking, no dishes, no distractions.

Check out your local apps to see what you can have delivered to you. Different areas specialize in different types of food, but you might be able to spend a little more and get an out-of-town delivery if options are limited. (Don’t forget to tip extra if they had to drive a bit to get to you.)

16. Order a movie and watch it in bed.

If you subscribe to cable, chances are, there are tons of paid movies just sitting there, waiting to be watched. Be aware of the prices, as some can be ridiculously high, but order one of those movies you’ve been wanting to see – you deserve it!

17. Explore your own city as if you were a tourist.

Chances are, there are parts of your town that you’ve completely missed, or maybe even taken for granted. Leave the maps at home and the GPS off, and rely on helpful strangers to find your way around. You’ll never know what you could be missing!

18. Watch the sunset together.

It takes no time at all to grab a blanket and go outside just before dark – so why not cuddle up to your love outside tonight? If you don’t have a yard (or it’s not safe after dark in your area), pull up chairs to the window and play some soft music. Let yourself get lost in the moment!

19. Have a game night – either just the two of you, or with other couples.

We underestimate the value of friendly competition – and your partner (and your mutual friends) are some of the best people to encourage a healthy level of challenge. Whether you like cards, chutes and ladders, or Monopoly, game nights bring us closer together. What’s not to love?

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As women who are interested in other women, we’re stuck at a particularly confusing vertex of girl crushes. We’ve got our platonic bestie crushes – those women who we aspire to be like. We’ve also got our OMG-breathless-crushes – those women whose pants we want to be all over. Lastly, we’ve got our soulmate crushes – the women who have completely changed how we feel about life. Sometimes the lines between them are pretty blurry, too. How can you decode your feelings and figure out what’s really going on?

We’ve gathered 5 signs that your girl crush is more than a crush – the signs that say you should definitely pursue this woman and see where it leads. Are you prepared to take the next step?

Sign #1: She’s the first thing you think of in the morning.

From a psychological standpoint, the first thing you think of in the morning is probably going to be the last thing you thought of the night before – and generally, the things we think before bed are the same things we thought about all throughout the day. If you wake up thinking about her, you probably spend most of your time thinking of her.

If you absolutely can’t get her off your mind, it might be more than just the butterflies.

Sign #2: She texts you “good morning”.

To be clear, there is a chance that she’s just being friendly – I used to mass-text my entire contacts list when I was walking to work in the mornings – but, most likely, if she’s texting you first thing in the morning, that means that you’re in her wake-up thoughts. Like we discussed in #1, that quite possibly means she was thinking about you all day.

If she seems to feel the same way as you do, it’s worth exploring those feelings.

Sign #3: You seem to spend a lot of time together, or talking to each other, when you don’t necessarily “have to”.

When we really like someone, we try to spend as much time around each other as possible. Sometimes, it gets obsessive and creepy and stalker-ish – make sure you don’t let it go there, please – but, usually, it’s because the two of you have a lot of similar interests, or at least you’re pretending to, in order get to know each other better.

If you’re spending all your time together anyway, there might be a reason – look into it!

Sign #4: You swear you shared “a moment”.

It’s hard to have that “special moment” feeling if the other person isn’t feeling it, too. Humans are pre-programmed to read certain body language cues certain ways by the time they reach dating age, so if you think you had a moment, she probably thinks so, too.

If you felt a spark, might as well check to see if there’s a fire.

Sign #5: You’re afraid of what will happen if you don’t explore your feelings.

If the idea of not telling her how you feel is enough to make you nauseous or anxious, you should tell her how you feel. Even if it’s not love, it’s best if you understand your feelings – especially if you’ll be seeing each other on a regular basis. You can’t be friends with someone you have unresolved feelings for. Your heart won’t let you.

If you feel like you need to tell her how you feel, you do. It’s that simple.

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