Tag Archives: lesbian culture

4 Ways We’re Unintentionally Taught That Consent Doesn’t Really Matter

We happen to be living in a time where nearly anything is within the realm of possibility. Technology connects us at a level we’ve never been connected before, and sometimes it seems like the only thing that hasn’t really changed is the innocence of childhood.

Kids will be kids, after all, and whether they’re playing in the mud or frantically tapping at little candies on a screen (and, subsequently, wasting all your lives), they are at an age where the way they view the world for the rest of their lives is being formed – the fundamental things that will make up who they are in the future.

We want the best for the future of these kids, even if they’re not our own. We try to watch our language in front of them, we don’t cigarettes or drink beer or get into fights in front of them because they’re so impressionable, and none of us wants to be the bad role model – we’d rather wait until someone else does that job. (I’m generalizing, of course – I’m well aware that not everyone is so invested in the art of not being the bad guy.)

Sometimes, it seems like the easiest solution is the most prevalent one. I hear a lot in the rape survivor community that we need to create a culture that teaches not to rape – and in some ways, I agree.

However, it’s really not as simple as that. I doubt any parent teaches their kid that rape is okay; it would be unheard of. But we do teach that it’s best to give up our body autonomy when requested – and sadly, that teaching comes at a very young age.


“Just give him/her a kiss!”

I see a lot of people who foster intimacy between kids and their relatives, starting as young as two or three. When that aunt who loves sloppy lipstick kisses comes over, we’re told “Just give her a kiss!”. Or, when a cousin we haven’t seen in a while rushes up to us for a big bear-hug, but we don’t want to be touched, we’re told to “stop being shy”. After all, they’re family, and that stranger danger stuff is supposed to stay with strangers. You should hug and kiss your loved ones, to show them you care.

This sounds innocent enough, and it would be – if it stopped there. But when you teach young children that they’re not allowed to say no to an unwarranted physical contact, these feelings of wrongdoing are likely to last into adulthood, which makes it easier for their future partners to pressure them into romantic and sexual activities that they’re not ready for. The lines between coercion and rape are thinner than they appear, especially when it’s ingrained that you’re not allowed to say no.


“Boys will be boys.”

I’m sure you’ve witnessed this one, even if you haven’t done it yourself: A little boy and a little girl are fighting with one another, usually nothing too worrying. Most of the time, it’s about the boys trying to be as obnoxious as possible – and, often, the play is centered around the boys’ budding curiosity about the human form. Bra-snapping, pantsing, untying swimsuits, peeping… All these things are expected, and in some cases even encouraged. “Boys will be boys,” we may say – or, at least, we’ll hear someone else say it. So what’s wrong with letting boys do what they’re naturally going to do?

Well, for starters, there’s nothing intellectually different between boys and girls. Sure, there are some different hormones floating around, but the core functions of the brain are exactly the same – boys and girls will act the same, when not conditioned to act differently. The gender roles that are prescribed on a certain society are done indirectly by the people, not directly by the body and brain. Encouraging boys (or girls) to treat other human bodies as playthings teaches a sense of entitlement to someone else’s bodily autonomy – and strongly perpetuates rape culture.


“Girls should dress modestly.”

This is one I heard a lot at a young age, and maybe you did, too: “You need to dress like a young lady.” I think my transition toward basketball shorts from frilly skirts came entirely from being worn-out over hearing, “Barbara! Your panties are hanging out! Cover them so no one gets the wrong idea!” I heard it more and more as I grew up, although I never wore anything particularly revealing. “Cover your bra, you don’t want people to think you’re easy.” “Wear tights under your shorts – that’s too much skin.” “Don’t wear so much makeup – you look like a streetwalker.” (Yes, these are all things I’ve heard – and the comment about shorts happened in the last 18 months.)

While modest dressing is all well and good, the implication that girls should be ashamed of any exposed skin – even when it’s hot out – reinforces the idea that it’s more important that we make it easy for others to not sexualize us, than for us to be comfortable in our own skin. I was in my 20s before I was comfortable with wearing “girl shorts” out in public – for fear of what people would think if they were subjected to my thighs. The female body is a meat market and our clothing is merely eye-catching packaging. This is what sexist school dress codes, street harassment, and parents telling their girls they need to “dress modestly” accomplishes.


Denying the existence of rape culture.

I’ve spoken to many, many people who deny the fact that rape culture exists, yet still make sure their high-school-aged daughters have access to self-defense classes – or, at the very least, a weapon of some kind. (I used to live in a not-so-great area.) At least this type of situation reaffirms the idea that there may be gaps in the current system, but wouldn’t it be easier to eliminate the problem permanently? Psychologically speaking, rape and almost-rape are both traumatic and potentially permanently painful situations. Why, then, do we teach our children that it’s okay to behave in ways that cause fear to others?

The biggest problem here comes from assuming that rape is only applicable in one specific scenario. That’s not the way it works. There are other ways to violate someone’s body autonomy, and many of them are largely encouraged by our society as a whole. It’s true that a culture dedicated to rape does not exist – but a culture that promotes the idea of forcing your control does exist. When we tell girls that cat-calling is flattering, when we tell boys that exploring the body of others is a necessary part of the adolescent experience, when we continue to tell kids that “no” only means “no” if you’re the one in charge… That’s when we have a problem.

Where Have All The Lesbian Bars Gone? (Video)

San Francisco, New York, Washington DC, and New Orleans are four of the biggest gay party meccas in America, yet the cities’ lesbian bars keep shutting down.

lesbian bar 01

It’s not a situation unique to the US. In towns and cities across the world, lesbian spaces are disappearing at an alarming rate, despite the growing acceptance of non-heterosexual identities.

Why are lesbian bars dying while gay male clubs continue to thrive? Is it because of rising rent prices, the stereotype of lesbians moving in after the first date, the rise of the trans rights movement, or something more complex?

In a new documentary for new Vice channel Broadly, Le Tigre and Men star JD Samson travelled across the US to speak to those who’ve watched the evolution of lesbian culture first hand to find out what’s behind the trend and what, if anything, can be done to stop it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-KU2EDJ2Lk

The Last Lesbian Bars is a brilliant film featuring in depth interviews and archive material that really goes beyond the usual stereotyped explanations of U-Hauling lesbians to really get to the bottom of how the spaces we inhabit have changed, just as we have, in the last 60 years.

Fantastic – Watch Lesbian Comedian Take-down of a Homophobic Heckler

Last week, lesbian comedian Cameron Esposito shared a story of how a man sitting in the front row at one of her recent shows had decided to inform her of his observation about her appearance.

Called ‘the future of comedy’ by none other than Jay Leno, Cameron Esposito is a fast rising Los Angeles-based standup comic, actor and writer.

“You look like a woman who doesn’t sleep with men! He yelled that at me like as if I don’t know… He yelled that at me like it was going to be a surprise, and an insult.

Here’s the thing: I look like a woman who doesn’t sleep with men because I am a lesbian… and that’s one of the biggest parts… of being a lesbian. And if you’re a lesbian, you’re not bummed about it.”

I have a side mullet! I look like most of Portland’s men! This look [gesturing to her outfit], this is on purpose, to attract women.

So if you’re a guy out there, and you’re like “I’m not sure if I’m into that”, to you I say sir, there is no chance that you are less into me than I am into you.”

Cameron Esposito

 

‘The Same Difference’ Documentary Highlights Deep-Rooted Problems Within the Lesbian Community

When you’re part of a marginalised group, ‘there’s a high chance of discrimination’ is almost inked in small print at the bottom of the sign-up sheet, as is the nature of the thing.

It’s something we must strive to espouse through legal means (in helping change laws, for example) or perhaps through voicing opinions and changing viewpoints or by helping encourage and foster diversity amongst the exclusionary straight, white, boys club ranks that the patriarchy kindly laid out for each and everyone of us, with homophobic and racist foundations to boot.

But what happens when what you’re up against is far bigger than you imagined? What happens when they problems you face are not just external, but when the very people who identify as you do turn their backs against you for arbitrary reasons that for some reason are marginalising you even more than society already does?

For many within the lesbian community this happens regularly, which is why one filmmaker has put together ‘The Same Difference’, a documentary to help point it out.

Depicted in the above teaser trailer The Same Difference plans to cover what are arguably some of the biggest social challenges (e.g things outside of legal recognition and same-gender marriage) facing the lesbian community today – within themselves.

Borked mindsets suggest that despite already not conforming to the socially accepted norm (‘heteronormativity’) some lesbian identified women feel that it’s their onus to force each other into these norms, as if lesbians are square pegs to be fit into round holes. That’s obviously not the case, but why should a group further alienate or segregate itself on account of discriminatory ideals that the group doesn’t prescribe to in the first place?

The examples of this that The Same Difference provides extend to studs being unable to observe traits such as long hair or dresses that are often reserved for femme lesbians. While it also covers the topic of bisexuals within the lesbian community and why some people just don’t understand that a woman who loves another woman should be welcomed into a group of women-loving-women with lady-loving arms rather than being shunned because their place on the Kinsey Scale isn’t quite where some would like it to be.

The Same Difference is inarguably important then, for the topics it sheds much needed light on and you can find more out about it at the link below.

‘Forbidden Love: The Unashamed Stories of Lesbian Lives’ – the Award-winning Canadian Documentary is Re-released

‘Forbidden Love: The Unashamed Stories of Lesbian Lives’ is an award-winning Canadian documentary, which explores the lives of lesbian in the 1940s, 50s and 60s.

First released 20 years ago, the documentary is now celebrating its 20th Anniversary re-release and has been lovingly remastered in HD by the National Film Board of Canada.

Written and directed by Lynne Fernie and Aerlyn Weissman, the film is illustrated using of archival footage and interviews with 10 fascinating women.

Each woman discuss her experience of being attracted to other women, and how they pursued relationships in the repressive society. Their decision to be either butch or femme; the secretive and usually dingy bar scene and the women who frequented them. The women also described the relationships they had, how they began relationships with ex-girlfriends of ex-girlfriends, who in turn lived with each other. The trials of being in an abusive relationship.

These are both candid and riveting stories bring to life what it was like coming out (or being closeted) and finding community amid the homophobic backdrop of the era. Each woman talks about her life with frankness and humor, which is interwoven with this real-life history and dramatised romantic, pulp-novel-inspired tale of star-crossed lovers Beth and Laura.

“Whether they look like truckers or cowboys or sweet-faced grannies, the women seen in Forbidden Love have a shared sense of humor.”

The New York Times

Our Top 10 MUST NOTs When Dating

Our Top 10 MUST NOTs When Dating  – If you truly want to turn me off, then ensure you ignore the following list.

  1. MUST not Play Games

  2. MUST not have really offensive friends

  3. MUST not be addicted to serious drugs

  4. MUST not be obsessed with someone else

  5. MUST not be pushy about your religious views

  6. MUST not boring

  7. MUST not be sexist

  8. MUST not be racist

  9. And ideally, MUST not be a criminal

  10. MUST not be too mushy in bed

 

 

 


 

Gay Kisses in Church Exhibition now in New York

Originally scheduled to show in Rome in 2013, Si, quiero was prevented from being displayed when the Vatican threatened legal action send an injunction and cease and desist letter to the “Opera” gallery in Rome, to shut down the show. Despite the Pope’s openness to tolerance and acceptance of the differences in people’s alternative lifestyles, some things are still too hot for the Church of Rome, which is the reaction Orquin received when depicting gay couples kissing.

However, this has not stopped the work being displayed by other. Leslie-Lohman Museum of Gay and Lesbian Art is currently featuring the photos.

This was a very simple decision for us. We heard that the work, these lovely images of people kissing in beautiful settings, was being denied access and we wanted to do something about it. In part, it is why this Museum exists. We offer opportunities to show work that others won’t, particularly work that speaks to the gay and lesbian community. These photographs present same-sex couples displaying the same rights that should be fundamental and basic to all.”

Hunter O’Hanian, Leslie-Lohman Museum Director

The Installation in the Window Gallery at the Leslie-Lohman Museum of Gay and Lesbian Art recreates Orquin’s photographs featuring same-sex couples kissing in Italian churches and is on view from the Museum’s street level Window Gallery 24 hours-a-day.

It was the goal Orquin (who was originally from Seville, but residing in Rome now for many years), to expose ‘the bigotry of Italians’, and with the help of friends he photographed the couples in Rome’s beautiful Baroque cathedrals at dawn. The images consciously play with the symbolism of marriage – a right still not afforded gay couples in Italy.

“I am Catholic. I believe in God deeply. I think if you look closely at my pictures no one can find blasphemy or sacrilege. A kiss is a gesture of love, of tenderness between human beings. I wanted to show that if God is love (and this I have learned in church), no one can tell us what kind of love is best. I don’t think my love is different than others’ love.”

Gonzalo Orquin

Queer Fashion | Welcome to the Boys’ Club – How to Wear a Youthful Spin on Androgyny

Androgyny and high fashion have long been the best of friends—think all the way back to boyish haircuts and shapeless dresses of the 1920s. Fashion refuses to conform to the heternormative roles of society, and this rejection is damn exciting. It’s too bad that the general public is too busy dragging its feet in judgment to catch up.

This year, androgyny is hitting the runways in a major way, but it’s breaking away from sources of inspiration we’ve seen in recent years, like military jackets and lumberjack plaids. Instead, 2014 is ageing in reverse by way of Benjamin Button; it’s more boyish than masculine.

This season’s androgynous trends are heavy with a youthful, devil-may-care attitude. The slouchy, oversized pieces are for creating outfits that are both effortless and cool.  Designers are taking us back to secondary school, but this time, we’re leaving the insecurities behind and embracing the easygoing confidence that we wish we had in our adolescent years.

To pull off this year’s androgynous style, go for baggy silhouettes that obscure any defining masculinity or femininity. Remember those calf-skimming cropped trousers called culottes that made in appearance circa mid-2000s? Well, they’ve made something of a comeback this year, which is a great trend for the more daring. If you’ve sworn off culottes after experimenting with them in 2004, no worries! Wide-leg trousers are laid back this year, which makes the easy and relaxed rather than stuffy.

For tops, consider slouchy and relaxed layers. Keep jackets unzipped over oversized tees as spring turns into summer, or layer oversized vests and unbuttoned shirts. Keep tops untucked, or consider tucking them in the front of your trousers to give your outfit that “can’t be bothered” touch. Don’t overdo the layers, though; minimalism balances the baggy shape of the clothes.  Put the finishing touch on your outfit with masculine shoes, either with sporty trainers or lived-in Oxfords, loafers, or biker boots.

Once your outfit is complete, take a look at yourself in the mirror. Dude. You look good.

Image source –

From Butch to Femme – Coco Layne Transformation to Secure a Job

How far would you go to get the perfect job? When artist Coco Layne was interviewing for a job that would require her to look “conservative,” she realised how slight changes in her look affected how people treated her. This thought inspired ‘Warpaint’ – a project that explores the gender presentation within the masculine and feminine spectrum – going from a tomboy to a lipstick-wearing lady.

Coco started her photo series wearing a striped button-up shirt, jeans, boots, no make-up and combed her bleached blonde hair back to reveal the shaved sides of her head. Gradually she adopted a more feminine pose in each frame, softening her hairstyle, adding eye liner, mascara, blush, bright red lip colour, jewellery and high heels topped off with a skirt and floaty blouse. The final shot shows her seductively pouting at the camera.

‘The project was a reflection of my existing style choices regarding gender presentation from day to day. Although my physical appearance may fluctuate, there’s never any behavioural shift with me. Warpaint comes from the perspective a cis-gendered queer woman of colour, so it reflects my own unique experience and isn’t meant to speak for other queer people, although our experiences may intersect in some ways. It’s important to open up this conversation about gender presentation because its often confused and read as gender identity. Gender presentation is not about sexual orientation at all! Playing around with gender expression is strictly an avenue to explore my identity as a queer person not my sexual identity. Some days I’ll feel like wearing a lot of make-up and heels, while other days I’ll just do my eyebrows and dress down. I’m always still the same person.’

Coco Layne 

 

Butch Women Of San Francisco

Photographer Meg Allen celebrates “those who choose to exist and identify outside the gender binary” through a series of stunning portraits of Butch Women of San Francisco

“It is an homage to the bull-daggers and female husbands before me, and to the young studs, gender queers, and bois who continue to bloom into the present.”

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Synopsis

BUTCH is a documentary portrait project and exploration of the butch aesthetic, identity and presentation of female masculinity as it stands in 2013-14. It is a celebration of those who choose to exist and identify outside of the binary; who still get he’d and she’d differently throughout the day; who get called-out in bathrooms and eyed suspiciously at the airport; who have invented names for themselves as parents because “Mom” nor “Dad” feels quite right; and who will generally expect that stare from the gender police trying to figure out if they are “a boy or a girl”. It is an homage to the bull-daggers and female husbands before me, and to the young studs, gender queers, and bois who continue to bloom into the present.