Tag Archives: Lesbians Lifestyle

13 Habits To Help You Feel Better About Yourself

I’ve struggled with my self-image and self-esteem for most of my life. For a long time, I was ashamed that I even had these self-image problems, so I kept them to myself in the hopes that no one else would bring them up.

Unfortunately, though, I’d get really insecure if they ever did come up.

In my mind, I falsely associated my own insecurities with other people tearing them down – even though, really, I knew that I was at least partially responsible for how I felt about myself. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until I was already well into my 20s that I started to understand the real ways to fix my self-esteem – and it didn’t involve a bit of pretending.

1. Focus on the here and now.

We spend way too much of our lives thinking about the past and the future. Personally, I’ve had to fight the urge to plan my life months and months ahead of time, because something always comes up. I’d also dwell on the things I’d done wrong in the past. Instead, I’ve learned to simply take things as they come. After all, the only moment in time you have any control over is the one you’re currently in – so make the most of it. Release your hold on the future, and let go of your hold on the past.

2. Take time for yourself, every day.

Much like we spend too much time thinking, we spend too much time doing things for other people. Don’t get me wrong – doing kind things for others is one of the biggest joys in life. But you can’t give to others if you aren’t leaving anything for yourself. Instead, make sure you put yourself first, and fit everything else in around that. Suddenly, you’ll notice that your life has more joy in it – and that’s a great motivator.

3. Make it easier for you to eat healthy.

Many people feel like they “don’t like healthy foods,” or that they have a dependence on junk food. Most of the time, though, it’s just that the junk foods are easier to get to than the healthier foods – so prep something healthy ahead of time, so that it’s easy to grab and go. Your whole body feels better when you put the right things into it.

4. Get moving more, and make it fun.

Even for people who consider themselves “fit”, we’re probably not exercising as much as we should. Most people don’t find most exercise enjoyable, and they think it’s the act of exercising that feels wrong – so they don’t look for an alternative. When you take time to find an exercise routine that’s fun to you, it won’t feel like working out, and you’re more likely to stick with it. Not everyone needs to load up on cardio, and not everyone has to enjoy strength training. Find what works for you – the specific type of exercise matters less than you might think.

5. Meditate or practice mindfulness.

This is one that’s still pretty new to me, but it has made a tremendous difference in my life. I find it easier to focus on my work tasks, which means I get more done and have more work satisfaction. It’s easier to forgive the people who have done me wrong, which brings me peace. And, I’m learning how to appreciate my circumstances, even when they’re unpleasant – which makes life in general a lot more bearable.

6. Allow yourself to forgive others.

Many people think that forgiving someone means that you’re okay with what they did to you. That’s not really it at all, though. True forgiveness is about setting yourself free from the pain you’ve felt in the past. It means acknowledging that it happened, and respecting their choices. It doesn’t mean that you have to take the chance of it happening again – you can forgive someone and still not want them in your life.

7. Accept your own forgiveness, too.

We’re often our own worst critics, and it takes work to move on from the mistakes of our past. Try to think of the things you’ve done to disappoint yourself, and try to empathize with your younger, less-informed self. After all, as long as you learned from it, you’re not the same person anymore.

8. Make plans and set goals – and make them happen.

Goal-setting and goal-achieving is pretty much programmed into our brains as a rewarding activity – but not everyone knows how to harness this inner reward system. Long-term planners and goal setters know the value in working towards something for a long time, and how satisfying it is once you’ve finally got what you wanted. Start with a few short-term, highly-achievable goals to get your momentum going, and go after bigger and bolder things when you feel more confident.

9. Talk to yourself (nicely).

The way you speak to yourself sets the bar for how other people should treat you – are you talking to yourself the way you want to be talked to? It can feel really awkward when you first start trying to speak more positively to yourself, but once you get into the habit of correcting your negative self-talk, you’ll find that it really is easier to be kind.

10. Make time for your hobbies and passions.

Many people think that the key to success and happiness is achievement. Unfortunately, “achievement” has a number of broad definitions beyond the normal (financial) measures that come to mind. The most confident people know that all those little milestones they get to enjoy are just as important as any other achievements, even if they don’t make sense to anyone else.

11. Stop competing and comparing.

Most people are far too competitive with one another, often bordering on full-fledged envy. We see the things that other people have, or the talents they possess, and we compare that to where we currently are. However, once you stop looking at these other people as competitors and start looking at them as possible mentors, you might find out a lot more about yourself than you ever knew before – and you may learn a thing or two about success, too.

12. Spend time by yourself.

I’m one of those people who has to take a few hours to recharge in solitude before social settings, so I’ve always put a high value on alone time. But it’s good for people who aren’t so introverted, too – even if they don’t need as much alone time to be happy. Try to take at least a few minutes a week to sit alone, in silence, and just process your life.

13. Spend time with positive, uplifting people.

Finally, if you want to feel better about yourself, you should spend more time with people who feel good about themselves, and (preferably) about you, too. These people can help to build you up, and can help teach you ways to build yourself up. (I bet you didn’t know this, but they struggle with being positive sometimes, too – they’ve just learned how to get around their roadblocks.)

Things I Have Learned And Gained From LGBTQ+ activism

I first started getting educated on social justice online, and I found all the first-hand information, and advice I found on sites like Tumblr really useful. They helped me understand, and gave me impeccable value, as most of it came from people who were educating, talking about and fighting against the very oppression they were facing.

This is why I always deemed online activism extremely important. Phrases like “get off your couch and do something useful” always pissed me off, since online activists do many useful things, the most important of which is educating people they don’t always have to educate, which – trust me – can at times be really hard.

That brings us to:

1 – Online activism is real activism. In fact, everything that everyone can offer may be necessary in  a movement.

This is something that joining “physical” – which means actually taking the metro downtown and attending general assemblies in some basement – activism has taught me, especially when I realized how much online activists had contributed to my debut.

To be an activist you don’t only have to march and make illegal graffiti. By all means yes, this is vital in some parts of a movement, but so is every other small task a member of that movement works hard to complete. Protesting outside enterprises is vital, preparing powerpoint presentations from the safety of your room to share knowledge with other people is vital, raising your voice online and stirring the waters of convention at an injustice is vital, managing the finances or keeping the files of an organization which is already offering plenty to LGBTQ+ youth is just as vital. Every task completes another and no initiative can stand on its own without a multi-dimensional plan that requires all sorts of skills to reach all sorts of people and make all sorts of change.

Besides, keep in mind that not all people are able to march. Which brings us to:

2 – Activism should be inclusive

People with mental illnesses, disabilities, poor people, homeless people, should all have a place in an activism that cannot be elitist, ageist, ableist or racist. Some activist groups end up being too closed and clique-ish, denying people who want to offer the chance to do so. It’s one thing – and a very important one at that – calling out someone on something problematic they said or did, and a completely different one completely denying them the space for mistakes, or the space to voice their identity, needs and priorities differently.

3 – I now know for sure that I have rights and that I can demand their recognition and respect firmly.

When you feel all alone in something, when your identity or parts of it are not always understood or respected, even the most given facts about it, such as that you must demand that people respect your self-identification and don’t say offensive things about it, may end up seeming like a luxury, like something you don’t really deserve and you just think you do because you believe you’re a special little snowflake. Ignorant people will make you think that you have no right to ask what you’re asking for, but getting into activism is sometimes important to validate that you deserve the things that other people already have as given in their lives.

Things/Skills I have gained from LGBTQ+ activism.

1 – The motivation to actually work for something and dedicate my whole self in it.

Working voluntarily is weird. You may not be able to bring yourself to work hard for an essay that’s actually gonna give you a good mark, or for a job that gives you actual money, but with volunteering and activism it somehow still works, and  it’s different. Of course you get tired and burned out and there are times that you want to give up or just lay on the couch with a bucket of ice cream and Carmilla, and turn off all notifications in the world ever, but you still know that you’ve chosen this yourself, and it’s something extremely important for you to do, without waiting for something in return. You finally know how to push yourself to do something that you know is more important than many other things in your life. The chance to apply what you’re best at to what you love the most is a truly amazing feeling.

2 – Responsibility when it comes to deadlines, courage when it comes to phone calls I wouldn’t otherwise make or emails I wouldn’t otherwise reply to.

Which, not really. Emails still scare me. But you get the point. Apart from the occasional pro(cat)stination incident, of course. Which is very rare an occurrence and all. Ahem.

3 – Practical life skills.

Presentation skills, project management skills, time management skills, a knowledge of how to share knowledge with other people.

4 – A community.

Wonderful friends who, like few others, formed a family-like circle around me. Nothing is better than meeting people who have been through similar things to your own experiences, people who understand and you know that with the first words and smiles, a place where you can feel safe to freely express yourself. Most of anything else, we’re a community, and what brings us together is often much bigger than our differences.

5 – The actual chance to make a change that will alter my life and the lives of people I care for, for the better.

Activism is not impersonal. What I fight for is not just an abstract idea; it has names. Names of my loved ones, of people I care for the most and of parts of my own identity, experiences and everyday life. The things that truly matter are finally something I can cater to, something I can give my best to shelter. And that’s not something I could achieve on my own.

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6 – Cats.

No, really. That’s a real pro. I’ve met so many furry allies during this journey. Everyone – or nearly everyone – who is into LGBTQ+ activism has cats and/or adores cats and/or is an actual cat.

And if they don’t, they’re dogs.

The Undeclared Debate – Lesbians Explain Butts Vs. Boobs

There’s an undeclared debate among those turned on by female parts and it goes something like this: “Are you a boobs or a butt, guy/girl/person?”

Does society like boobs or butts?

Now, while we clearly stand firm that someone shouldn’t be defined by their body parts, a recent graphic by none other than porn sites PornHub and YouPorn, in partnership with Swiss newspaper 20 Minuten, found that the world is clearly divided on the issue.

boobs-butt-01

The findings suggest that some countries and states are lusting more over certain bits of human anatomy than others. People up north seem to go for boobs while those down south like their butts. The exceptions are Southeast Asia, Australia, India and Argentina, where busty searches are more common.

What Lesbians Say vs. What They Really Mean

Queer women can be a confusing and complex lot. No, we’re not trying to perpetuate a stereotype or make a mockery, it’s just sometimes true.

Human beings in general are complex creatures, and the sooner we accept this, the sooner we can learn to laugh at ourselves and move on.

We often hide behind sarcastic phrases and straight up lies in hopes of improving our reverse psychology skills, tricking people into believing what we want them to believe.

We say we’re fine when we are not, and we tell people we want to be friends, when really we want to be lovers. We have all been guilty of hiding behind claims and false expressions, hoping whomever we’re talking to can read our minds, or at least be tricked by our statements.

What Lesbians Say vs. What They Really Mean

UK’s Equalities Minister Asks Foreign Governments To Clarify Rights Of British Gays and Lesbians Working & Travelling Abroad

The UK’s equalities minister, Jo Swinson, has written to the authorities in more than 70 countries and foreign jurisdictions in an attempt to clarify the rights of gay and lesbian people who are working or travelling abroad.

The main question asked is does their national and regional governments recognise British civil partnerships and marriages between same-sex couples, and what rights gay people can expect when they travel.

Swinson has also urged those countries that need to make legislative changes to reflect recent developments in British law around equal marriage to do so.

“One of the things we committed to do in the coalition agreement is recognising that for gay people who are in a civil partnership or now have got married, and who are travelling, working or studying abroad, for them to know what their rights are in that country and ideally to have their partnership or marriage recognised would make a big difference.”

Jo Swinson

However, she acknowledged that the list of jurisdictions contacted was limited and included many whose marriages and civil partnerships are recognised by the UK.

At present the Government Equalities Office has no plans to contact all countries to urge them to recognise UK gay marriages and partnerships, though Swinson said the Foreign Office had encouraged British diplomats to raise the issue.

“They obviously make a degree of local judgment about when is the right time to raise these issues. Sad to say, there are plenty of countries where LGBT [lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender] rights are in a dreadful state and the people in those countries themselves suffer greatly, and I’m not going to have rose-tinted specs to think that those countries are going to rush to recognise our same-sex marriages.

But there are plenty of countries that do have a much more positive approach, and there’s no reason why they shouldn’t recognise our partnerships.”

Jo Swinson

Following the implementation last year of the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Act and Marriage and Civil Partnership (Scotland) Act, same-sex couples in England, Wales and Scotland can choose to enter into marriages or civil partnerships, which give the same legal rights. Northern Ireland law permits civil partnerships, but does not allow same-sex marriage.

Ruth Hunt, chief executive of the charity Stonewall, said the government move was encouraging

“It’s also important to remember the bigger and more complex picture of international rights for lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans people. There are still 77 countries where same-sex relations are illegal. Five of these countries impose the death penalty for being gay. There’s still so much left to do to create a safer environment for lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans people – both here and abroad.

Stonewall worked with human rights defenders from over 30 countries in 2014, and we hope to continue sharing our knowledge and experience with these groups to ensure they know how to campaign in their countries most effectively for change.”

Ruth Hunt

The UK recognises gay marriages in the 19 countries that allow them, while same-sex partnerships in 54 other countries and territories are recognised as civil partnerships in Britain.

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Countries and territories that recognise UK same-sex marriages and civil partnerships

Argentina, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, Finland, France, Germany, Hungary, Ireland, Iceland, Isle of Man, Jersey, Luxembourg, Malta, Mexico, Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, Slovenia, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland
(Source: UK government Equalities Office)

Countries and jurisdictions contacted by government to clarify their position on recognising UK same-sex marriages and civil partnerships

Andorra, Australia, Austria, Bermuda, Chile, Costa Rica, Croatia, Czech Republic, Denmark, Ecuador, Estonia, Falklands, Greenland, Israel, Italy, Liechtenstein, New Zealand, Nepal, South Africa, Thailand, Uruguay, US (50 states, plus District of Columbia, and five overseas territories = 56 jurisdictions)
(Source: UK government Equalities Office)

Countries in which homosexual acts are illegal

Africa
Algeria, Angola, Botswana, Burundi, Cameroon, Central African Republic, Comoros, Egypt, Eritrea, Ethiopia, Ghana, Guinea, Kenya, Lesotho, Liberia, Libya, Malawi, Mauritania, Mauritius, Morocco, Mozambique, Namibia, Nigeria, Senegal, Seychelles, Sierra Leone, Somalia, South Sudan, Sudan, Swaziland, Tanzania, The Gambia, Togo, Tunisia, Uganda, Zambia, Zimbabwe

Asia
Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Bhutan, Brunei Darussalam, Burma, India, Iran, Kuwait, Lebanon, Malaysia, Maldives, Oman, Pakistan, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Singapore, Sri Lanka, Syria, Turkmenistan, United Arab Emirates, Uzbekistan, Yemen

Latin America & Caribbean
Antigua and Barbuda, Barbados, Belize, Dominica, Grenada, Guyana, Jamaica, St Kitts & Nevis, St Lucia, St Vincent & the Grenadines, Trinidad and Tobago.

Oceania
Kiribati, Nauru, Papua New Guinea, Samoa, Solomon Islands, Tonga, Tuvalu

Entities
Cook Islands (New Zealand), Gaza (in the Occupied Palestinian Territory), South Sumatra and Aceh province (Indonesia)

Countries in which the legal status of homosexual acts is unclear or uncertain

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