Tag Archives: LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX

Forced Out Of The Closet

Dear KitschMix,

I have been dating this girl for 18 months now. We both recently graduated university, and we are both each other’s firsts – relationship, kissing, sex, pretty much everything. I have been out of the closet for probably a year (yay), with no issues from my parents. Recently, her parents (her mother specifically) noticed we were more than just “gal pals”.

She confronted her about it, and she admitted to being bisexual. Her mother was very disappointed, and right around this time her father was admitted into the hospital major heart surgery.

Her mother also told her that she was the cause of some of his heart problems, as they traced a heart attack a few weeks back to when she had mentioned the possibility of her daughter being gay.

Immediately my girlfriend was hurt by this – they are a heavily conservative family, and she hadn’t planned on coming out until she was living on her own and ready to.

I didn’t know what to do, but I offered as much support as I could. It has been about two weeks since this all happened, but I am still unsure what to do next. She asked me to meet with her parents, but I don’t know what will happen? She is having a tough time with it, as she hasn’t been able to really sit down and talk about it with her parents since her father’s hospitalization. Where do we go from here?

Hi reader, and thanks for writing in! It actually breaks my heart that this is still a problem we have in our modern, civilized society. I grew up in a “broken home” myself, with one parent being super gay-friendly (coincidentally the one I’ve recently moved back in with) and one parent who was gay-accepting, but not too fond of me being gay. Thankfully, it still wasn’t a big issue for me, but the reality is that – for some people – it is still actually dangerous to come out.

With your girlfriend, the first thing I’d like to say is that her mom is sort of a jerk. It’s highly unlikely that her “outing” your girlfriend was the cause of his heart problems, and it is entirely unfair of her to say that. Possibly, the stress of his conservative values being challenged was enough to exacerbate an existing condition, but I’m pretty sure no one has ever actually had a heart attack just because their kid ended up being gay/bi/whatever. (Please, if I’m wrong, someone drop a link in the comments and I’ll check it out as soon as possible.)

It sucks being outed against your will. I’ve had it done by coworkers, friends, and one specific cousin. I’ve even done it to someone who was a good friend, when I was in denial about my own sexuality (not something I’m proud of, but I was 13 at the time, and we have since made up). It sucks extra when it’s someone who’s supposed to be there for you no matter what. Even my well-meaning gay-loving parent has outed me on occasion, without meaning any harm at all – in some situations where I kind of wanted to use my invisibility to my advantage. I’ve even had a family member who shamed me into staying in the closet – afraid of how it would reflect on them if the word got out. None of these are right, but once they’re done, there’s not a lot you can do about it.

There’s no way to tell what’s going to happen when you meet with her parents, but I agree with her – you probably should. Sitting down with them both, together, and explaining concisely why her sexuality is not a direct affront to the good conservative values they raised her with might help. Some people actually respond well to logic, and I’ve known a few people who – after an initially bad reaction – have come around to be the most gay-friendly people on the planet. There are no guarantees, but it could help.

Even if it doesn’t work out, you’ll still have the opportunity to explain to them that you love their daughter, and that you supported her decision to remain in the closet. I’d also mention that it’s in poor taste to discuss someone’s sexuality behind their back in a negative way. Some people think that it’s rude to wonder, too, but I personally think it’s OK to make guesses and speculations as long as you’re aware that it’s really none of your business and you have no right to assume anything.

My next question for you is, does she have a safe place she can go, if it comes to that? I wouldn’t necessarily have her move out of her parents’ place right away, unless a need to do so arises, but it might be helpful to start thinking of her options before your sit-down chat – just in case. If you two are interested in living together for reasons other than necessity, this might be the push to do it – but you shouldn’t move in together just to fix a residence issue, trust me. Multiple bad experiences there. (My apologies if I misread this, and you two are already living together – I don’t think you specifically stated.)

I wish you the best of luck with your conversation, and if you need any more advice, please don’t hesitate to write in again! Take care, and give your girlfriend a hug for me!

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How Do I Get Over The Girl I Never Really Had?

Dear KitschMix,

So I work by this coffee shop and there was this hot woman who worked there that I had the hugest crush on. We would always make small talk and she gave me good discounts. Anyways, I started going in everyday and she would sure to keep me in eyesight as she worked. And before I left, she be sure to say goodbye to me.

But me being a huge dork completely missed or brushed off all the signs that she might like me. Even when she told my co-worker I was cute, I just brushed it off.

I thought she was straight for some reason and didn’t want to make things weird. Anyway, one day I go to get my coffee and discover, she’s no longer working there. So me being me, set out to find her on Facebook, to only discover she has a new girlfriend now, and new job on the other side of town.

I feel like I completely screwed myself out of a great girl. I don’t think I’ll ever see her again without looking like a complete weirdo.

Oh, man, I have been in this exact situation a time or two, and it really does suck. It can be hard when you’re dealing with the “invisible lesbians” – we like to make excuses that they’re probably straight, because we’re in a “straight business”, even if all the signs are there that she is definitely not straight. But we’ve been brainwashed to think that our gaydar (not a real thing, by the way) will go off when a woman is actually gay. This, of course, is highly inaccurate, because really we’re just guessing based on the stereotypes that we’re trying so hard to escape from.

I think it would be so much easier if all the homos could just wear a little tag that says they’re gay, but then again there was a pretty big war fought over why making someone wear their identity was a really, really bad thing. So, those of us who are too shy to get when someone is blatantly flirting with us will probably be doomed to stay ignorant forever. Sigh. Maybe someone should create an opt-in tag that says “Gay + Shy – Be direct with your flirting!” or something like that. I don’t know. I’m not good at coming up with slogans.

The fact that you didn’t date her doesn’t make getting over her any easier, and in fact, it probably makes things worse. As humans, we crave closure, which is hard to get in a non-relationship without humiliating yourself. And, since she has a girlfriend, pursuing this closure directly from her would be incredibly disrespectful to her relationship – don’t be that person.

Since you found out about her new job, her new girlfriend, and everything else by Facebook-stalking her (no judgment here – I’ve done it, too), you’re probably right about it being really weird if you “happen” to run into her at her new place. You could swing by, pretend it’s a coincidence, and pretend you know nothing about her new girlfriend until she brings her up – but personally, I think this is a bit tacky. Don’t do it.

Instead, I think the best way to get over this whole situation is to just let it run its course. This is going to be hard, but thankfully, she’s not right in your face – and “out of sight, out of mind” works well for some people. It probably won’t happen overnight, especially if she was as great as you said, but you will get over her. Or, if it’s really meant to be, she’ll know where to find you.

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What Is My sexuality?

Dear KitschMix,

I have always classed myself as a straight female, but I don’t think this is my sexuality. I have been with a woman before, and I really enjoyed kissing, and going down on her, but at the time I ruled this out as a drunken mess-around. However, I always think about being with a woman. I want to have a threesome with my boyfriend and I, but I’m afraid he’ll be more into her than me, and I don’t know any women that would want to hook up with me.

Strange enough, lesbian porn doesn’t turn me on. I watch straight porn, but I find the female attractive most of the time. I love watching woman with big butts ride guys, and have sex. I rarely find the men attractive.

Should I just hook up with a female again? But try it sober? The thought of even being with a woman turns me on. I’ve never spoken about this with my boyfriend, so I think if I’m with a woman, I’m cheating on him.

What do you think?

Hi reader, and thank you for writing in! I think this topic is going to help a lot of people, so I’m glad you had the courage to bring it up. Truthfully, human sexuality is a complicated mess – only a very small portion of the population knows exactly who they’re attracted to and can pin it down to one specific label. I mean, think about your average “straight girl” – chances are, it’s not the same man who turns every one of them on, right? Sure, there might be a few “universals” – I think Johnny Depp is pretty unanimously attractive, as is Ruby Rose, for the majority of the population. Even still, there are bound to be differences.

Let me expand on this a little by saying that the only person who really needs to be comfortable with whatever you decide is you – and honestly, the type of porn you watch has nothing to do with anything. I have an ex-girlfriend who almost exclusively watched gay male porn. I’ve got a cousin who is super straight, but only watches lesbian porn. What we like to watch and what we like to do are not always the same thing. For another example, I like watching women’s beach volleyball, but put me near a net, and I look like a baby giraffe. At its core, porn is just for entertainment. Don’t try to look too far into what your preferences are there.

Next… Men in porn are often not attractive, and it’s quite intentional. This is because heterosexual porn is, generally, catered to the men – and what type of men do you think are watching porn? Not the Adonis types, that’s for sure. Men need to feel that they’re better – and, in porn, this is represented by reasonably-attractive guys getting it on with super-hot females. Men like the confidence boost of knowing, “If this guy can get a woman like that, I can, too.” It’s silly, but their target demographic is the man who needs a confidence boost.

For my next point, I’d like to examine the difference between attractiveness and attraction, because these are different, too. Just because you find someone attractive doesn’t mean you’re attracted to them, and that plays in a lot when you’re confused about your sexuality. I know back when I was questioning myself, I thought I was madly in love with one of my attractive friends. Well, all of my attractive friends. I thought, since they were good looking, and they gave me attention, that meant I wanted them. Right? Well… not exactly. Sometimes, it’s just your brain making things extra complicated for you. It’s not very nice, but it does happen.

As this plays into porn, it’s completely normal if, as a female, you’re rooting for the female to reach orgasm. This is especially true if you’re “looking for yourself” within the character, in a sense. The women you find attractive in the videos – are they doing things that you, yourself, enjoy doing in the bedroom? On the rare occasions that I watch porn, I find myself watching things that I personally enjoy, or that I’m curious about. (Honestly, I’ve got a few .gifs saved from Tumblr that I plan to picture mail to my girlfriend eventually – “Try this, please!”) My girlfriend tends to veer more towards the things that she finds “too weird” to actually do – the things she wouldn’t dream of asking me for. For her, porn fills a fantasy area that I simply can’t tap into – and that’s okay, too.

I think the biggest root of your question, though, is whether or not you should pursue another sexual experience with a female. I’m all for it – but with a few exceptions. I don’t think there is ever any reason to do it behind your significant other’s back. Dishonesty and infidelity are the same whether it’s a man or a woman on the receiving end of your affection. Not all men have a problem with bi girlfriends – in fact, bi women are oversexualized by a good portion of our society – but if you don’t talk to him about what you’re feeling, before you do something with someone else, you are cheating.

Your hesitation about threesomes makes sense, too. It’s a common insecurity among those who have only ever been monogamous, and truthfully it isn’t that much different than infidelity – except that all parties involved know the whole situation, by design. There are a number of websites where you can find someone who’s interested in threesomes, but you must be honest with them when you’re talking to them. Many women don’t want to participate in threesomes, because there is a huge risk of drama and jealousy, no matter which person you are. You need to realize that it’s just as likely that you will like the other woman more than you like your boyfriend. If you two exercise proper precautions (and prepare yourself for possible negative outcomes), you should be able to avoid any major problems.

I actually laid out an action plan for successful threesomes in this post – feel free to check it out when you have the time, it might be helpful. For best results, look it over with your boyfriend, and make sure to talk about any questions that come up during the process. Of course, there is no way to predict and prevent every problem, but honesty and open communication are the best tools to help diffuse (or forgive) a situation gone bad.

In the end, though, what matters is that you are happy with who you are. Many people choose not to assign any label to their sexuality, and this is a perfectly appropriate choice. It’s really no one’s business but your own – if you consider yourself bisexual, you are bisexual. If you consider yourself straight, you are straight (even if there are occasional exceptions). Or, you can just swing wide with the “no labels” label and let nature take its course – there are no right or wrong answers when it comes to your personal identity.

How Do I Deal With My Friend’s Crush On Me?

Hi Barbara,

My friend and I have always been close. She’s straight, and I’m gay, but over the years we’ve built up a great friendship. We’ve partied together, had sleepovers, gone shopping, been each other plus one. It’s always been a platonic friendship; well I thought it was, until my new girlfriend decided it wasn’t. And then everything got weird.

Every woman I have dated has had an issue with our friendship, but my new gf really doesn’t feel comfortable with it. She says my friend has feelings for me, which I dismissed. But she kept pushing until we had a massive bust-up. I turned to my best friend and told her the issue, and she didn’t react the way I thought she would. I thought she’d laugh it off, but she didn’t. She got very serious with me, and asked if I’d ever thought of her as more than just a friend. The truth is I had considered it once but now I only see her as a friend. I told her this. However, she told me she often thought about us together as a couple, and she sometimes wishes we were more. She said she’d even had fantasies about what it would be like to sleep with me.

This has all really thrown me. Now I don’t know what to do. My girlfriend doesn’t trust my friendship, and now I’m not sure I trust it either.

My head is all over the place. I know my friend inside out. I’ve seen her go through different guys, and she seen me with different women. We’ve joked about it, and about the type of sex she enjoys.

She has never hinted at liking women, which makes me wonder why she has had thoughts about me. Am I just a fantasy? It all suddenly feels very messy, and confusing. Help!

Hello reader! Straight girl crushes are pretty much the bane of every lesbian’s existence, but things get even weirder when the straight girl has a crush on you.

Recent research suggests that there’s actually no such thing as a straight girl – and, as a lesbian, I can’t really say that I doubt that idea. Women are just so wonderful! (Although, admittedly, this logic is not much different than straight guys who think that every woman likes men… So I’m not sure if I’m 100% behind the idea.)

I’ve had my fair share of partners who questioned some of my friendships. I’m not a particularly touchy-feely person, in general, but with my best friends, I am. I would never dream of doing anything with any of them, but I’m big on pet names and hugging, which can send the wrong idea. I’m guessing this is probably why your friendship causes questions, too.

First of all, your girlfriend was right about your friend, but that has nothing to do with you, directly. The way I see it, it really doesn’t matter who has feelings for you – you cannot (and should not) be held accountable for other people. If you’re not interested in your friend like that, and you are 100% confident you’d shut it down if she tried anything, then your girlfriend is not being fair. Unless you personally have given her a reason to doubt things, your friend’s feelings are not your fault.

This might be an unpopular opinion, but it’s one I’ll hold firm: Your girlfriend is not allowed to dictate your friends. There are probably some people who you wouldn’t feel comfortable being friends with when you’re in a relationship (for example, I have a hard time staying friends with guys who suddenly take it upon themselves to assume I’m not really gay – uh, bye), but this should be your decision – and your girlfriend should trust you.

Next, about your friend: She probably kept her feelings for you a secret because she figured you didn’t feel the same way. You can’t really fault her for this – confessing feelings always has the potential to make things awkward. Of course, I don’t advise anyone to keep their feelings a secret, but this is pretty much a “do as I say, not as I do” scenario. Most people repress their feelings, at least to a certain degree. We can try to be honest about them but it simply doesn’t come naturally to most people.

Have you considered the possibility that your friend isn’t straight? Human sexuality is a broad spectrum, and I don’t think there are very many people who are strictly one way or the other. Whether your friend is just curious, or if she actually knows she’s bisexual and just isn’t ready to admit it, her feelings are legitimate, and you should try your best not to hurt them more than necessary.

That being said, if you don’t feel the same way, you are going to have to hurt her feelings.

It’s entirely possible that it’s just a fantasy of hers. I’ve known a few female friends who were “100% straight” – but they told me that I’d be their first choice if they did “decide to be gay”. I know, that’s not exactly the same as your situation, but there’s a possibility that the end result is basically the same. She sees you as someone she trusts, and the jokes you two have shared about her sexual preferences (and possibly also yours) can add to the confusion and curiosity.

Plus, with the recent influx of lesbians in the mainstream media, I think it might be making more women curious. (Don’t quote me on this.) After all, how many “straight girls” have you seen confessing their crushes on Ruby Rose? I know probably 90% of my straight female friends have. Thanks, OITNB – you’ve somehow made being gay a little more complicated than it already was. (Not that I’m not a giant fan!)

There is another possibility, too. Sometimes we can misjudge our close friendships as a crush, even though really we only love the person as a friend. But when you’ve shared a number of inappropriate jokes with a person, it’s reasonable that the lines might start to blur. It’s not exactly a full-fledged crush, though. I know I’ve made the mistake of dating a BFF before because “friendly” is almost the same as “flirty”. (Then, once you pursue the relationship, you realize that you really should have just stayed friends.)

In dealing with your friend from here on out, it’s important to remember that – as far as you’ve told me – she did nothing wrong. She knew her feelings could make things awkward, so she didn’t bring them up until you did. This means that you are the one who made things awkward – even though it wasn’t intentional. This doesn’t mean that anything is your fault, but it’s important to remember that it’s not her fault, either.

I usually advise against trying to remain friends with someone you have feelings for, but if the two of you are very close friends, it can be hard to just walk away like you don’t even know each other. If she was the one asking me for advice, I would tell her to try and distance herself until she can get her feelings under control – but if you told her that, without her asking, it would be incredibly rude. You can try distancing yourself, but this will quite possibly hurt her feelings.

I think it might be helpful for you to just let her know, definitively, that you do not have feelings for her. You can choose to tell her that you used to, if you want, but it might be a little softer on her feelings (and less chance of false hopes) if you don’t. If you think you might develop feelings for her again in the future, it’s OK to leave that option open for yourself, but be sure to not play with her emotions.

As far as your girlfriend goes, though, I do believe she’s being unfair to you. What was the inspiration for her telling you about your friend’s feelings for you – and what did she hope to accomplish by saying something? Unless your friend was overstepping the proper boundaries of your relationship, it shouldn’t matter that she had feelings for you.

I would recommend that you tell your girlfriend that her jealousy is unfounded, and that you wouldn’t dream of disrespecting her by pursuing something with your friend. You can also explain to her that your friend’s feelings are not returned by you. (I assume that you’ve probably already done this.)

I’ve been in the situation where my girlfriend doubted the platonic nature of my friendships, and it’s really frustrating, especially in situations where you weren’t even aware of the feelings until they were brought up by someone else. It’s not fair to you, and her insecurities are probably more a reflection of her than they are of your friend. The relationship isn’t doomed, but you will need to talk to her about how things actually are. If she cares about you, she’ll try to control her insecurities – but you might need to reassure her more than once.

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How Do I Let My Current Girlfriend Know About My Submissive Side?

Dear KitschMix,

In the bedroom (and past relationships) I’ve liked to be dominated, but I’ve met a woman who is quite the opposite. She is very kind in nature. She is gentle and soft, which I adore (and need). In the past I have dated women very different. Tougher and dominant, which I have enjoyed, especially in the bedroom, but not always in the relationship. I enjoy taking a submissive role, and want to be dominated during sex, but my new lady isn’t into roleplaying (or hasn’t really experimented with this side). At the moment, I’ve not pushed, because I’m still getting to know her, but I’m not sure how bring it up. I don’t want to introduce my previous sex-life as way of explanation, but also feel shy about bring it up with her. I don’t want to scare her off, but this is a side of me I want her to experience too.

Hello reader! The subjects of dominance and submission are often complicated, and your situation is no exception. Personally, I’m a bit shy about the subject of sex (probably hard to believe, but it’s true!) and I have a really hard time discussing what I want in the bedroom unless my partner brings it up, or we’re in the middle of the act.

In your case, I think it might be helpful to know that your girlfriend might be exactly the same. Who someone is in the bedroom is not necessarily who they are in the relationship. I had an ex who was totally dominant in our relationship – like almost to the point of being abusive – but when it came to our sex life, I was totally the one in charge. Generally speaking, I like to switch it up, depending on my mood at the time, and I think most women are like this.

It’s very likely that your girlfriend is the same way. Of course, it’s not guaranteed, but realistically, you won’t know until you ask.

That’s not to say that it’ll be easy to bring up. I don’t think you necessarily have to “role play” to play around with these roles, though. Like I said, many women aren’t the same in the bedroom as they are outside of the bedroom. Most who do have a preference can be swayed in the other direction, at least occasionally, as long as you’re willing to compromise.

Have the two of you already had sex? If you haven’t, the conversation will probably be a little more awkward, but her response might surprise you. (Even if you have had sex, you might not know the full story of her sexual preferences – like you said, you’re still getting to know each other.)

Since she is kind and gentle, I understand why you’d think that this is who she wants to be in your sexual activities. But this actually makes it a little more likely that she’ll want to please you in the bedroom – I really don’t think there’s any problem with two submissive women being together, as long as they’re both willing to try something different every now and then.

My current girlfriend, for example, generally takes a dominant role… but on occasion, I’ve taken control of the situation, and it hasn’t been a problem. Almost everyone is willing to try new things in the bedroom, and it’s really good for your relationship when you do.

There are a few different ways you can try bringing it up to her.

1. Be direct.

Ask her straight out to take control of you in the bedroom. Tell her that it would turn you on to be slammed down on the bed and “conquered”. Chances are, hearing that you want to be ravaged will be enough to motivate her to do just that. (At least, that has been my experience any time I’ve ever asked someone.) There’s just something unexplainably sexy about someone saying “Take me – now!”

Of course, not everyone responds well to direct sexy talk, so if you’re worried about taking this approach, there are other options.

2. Be indirect.

If telling her straight-out what you want is too much for you, you can try opening the door by asking her what she likes. Sometimes, that’s easier than telling what you want – and you might even find out that you two are actually pretty in sync. You never know until you ask!

3. Surprise her.

One thing that’s always worked for me is the “naked man” trick. (If you’re unfamiliar with the term, that’s where you wait for your partner, 100% naked – it’s got a pretty high success rate as long as the other person is interested in you.) One slight change to the traditional way this works is that, if you’re seeking to be dominated, you’ll want to somehow bind your hands, wear a blindfold, etc. – something that makes it obvious that you want to be “vulnerable”.

Please note that, if she really isn’t into being the dominant one, this isn’t going to work, at all.

4. Compromise!

If neither of the above approaches really works for you, consider bringing up the idea of sharing roles. Like previously mentioned, even the most dominant/most submissive partners are willing to try something else if it’ll make their partner happy – and if she isn’t willing to compromise, the two of you probably just aren’t sexually compatible. That doesn’t mean you can’t find a girl who’s soft and gentle in love, and rough and hard in the sack. It just means that it’s not her.

You’re right to not want to bring up your past sexual experiences to explain your preferences. Generally speaking, talking about your sex life before your current girlfriend is going to cause some insecurities for most women, especially if it’s presented in a way that sounds like this is why I liked sex with my ex more than sex with you. It probably won’t sound like that to you when you say it, but many women will hear it that way.

If the sex you want is that important to you, you will need to get over your shyness, somehow. For me, it’s definitely easier if I’m actually having sex at the time, but your experience may vary. Play around with the idea – even write yourself a script if you need to! Consider each of these options in your head, and find one that works right for you. Just remember that the sex is really only as important as you allow it to be.

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9 Things Lesbians Should Stop Making a Big Deal About

This has been a year full of a number of monumental “firsts” in the gay community. With all these firsts, it doesn’t make sense to me that there are things that we are still (collectively) getting up in arms about. Sure, sometimes people are out against us – but does that really mean that everyone is out against us, always?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for crying out in the face of oppression, and in standing up against those who try to keep us down. But most of the time, we’re not actually the victims we want to think we are.

1. Straight girls “acting gay”.

It’s pretty much become a common belief that sexuality is pretty fluid. Why, then, do we assume that a “straight girl is acting gay” when it’s entirely likely that she is genuinely questioning her sexuality? Think of when you first came out – most of us weren’t 100% sure right away. Instead of assuming that girl is just vying for attention, try giving her a chance. She might surprise you.

2. Straight girls wearing gay clothes.

Once upon a time, lesbians were the ones guilty of claiming clothes that “didn’t belong to us”. Lesbians used to face discrimination for appropriating the fashion choices of men, and now we take it upon ourselves to “own” these clothes (and of course, flannel) and we are disappointed when we see a straight woman wearing them. Lighten up! Clothes are clothes, and they belong to everyone.

3. Labels.

So you’ve always been super feminine, but lately you want to dress more masculine. Or maybe you’ve always been more dominant, and now you’re curious about being more submissive. Ladies, if your personal style no longer matches how you feel – why do you have to conform to the label you previously chose for yourself? Sometimes these labels may be 10, 20, even 30 years old. There’s no rule that says you have to stay the same.

4. Bisexual girls.

It’s amazing to me that, in this day and age, there are still so many people put off by bi girls. When we think of the individual components that make up our hesitation, it’s obvious that they don’t make a lot of sense – but still many of us choose to specify that we won’t date a bi girl. The truth is, a bisexual woman is no more likely to cheat on you than anyone else. A difference in sexuality does not mean that the other person is a pervert – remember it used to be the gays that had to prove that?

5. Allies who aren’t perfect.

I have seen a multitude of posts on social media lately about “shitty allies”. What in the world makes an ally bad? Just because the person asks a million questions that you don’t want to answer, doesn’t mean that they mean any harm. Of course, you should let your allies know if they are asking questions that make you uncomfortable, but generally if they are asking questions, it means they want to understand. Lighten up!

6. Lesbians who aren’t lesbians anymore.

Unless the change happened while you were dating her, it’s really none of your business. And, honestly, even if you were with her when the change happened – it’s not really her fault. As we’ve said previously, sexuality is fluid. Certainly not for everyone, but for enough people that you can’t really hold it against them.

7. Bad portrayals of lesbians in the media.

Okay – this one is probably going to get me a lot of backlash. But let me explain something to you: Complaining doesn’t accomplish anything unless you’re actually willing to do the work to change things. Not everyone is cut out for acting, or singing, or any one specific outlet, but if you’re not working to change things, you’re indirectly part of the problem.

8. Every little thing that could be homophobic.

I get it – sometimes, people are homophobic. But that doesn’t mean that everything that happens to you is a result of someone being homophobic. I see so many examples on social media of people who feel that they were slighted because of their sexuality, when there’s really no way that the person who did the offending had any idea that they were gay. Not everything is about gay versus straight, and to keep assuming that everything is just makes the rest of us look bad.

9. Being friend zoned.

The whole notion of being “friend zoned” is sort of ridiculous. Just because you do nice things for someone does not entitle you to sleep with them – no matter how much you want to. We remember these things when it comes to someone hitting on us, but sometimes we forget when it comes to us hitting on someone else. Be realistic!

16 Things Only Lesbians Know

Ladies, let’s face it. Being gay is like being a member in a top-secret society that everyone knows about, but nobody understands. In some ways, it’s even more difficult now that we’re gaining more visibility in the mainstream media – because a lot of the things that are associated with us simply aren’t real!

Here are 16 things that all lesbians know without even thinking about it:

16. Long fingernails = bad sex.

Most of the time, when you watch a lesbian porn, these women have super long acrylic fingernails. It can be a huge turn-on for some people, but as lesbians we know there’s no way in hell those fingernails are going inside of us.

15. Tongue rings are NOT magic.

For a long time, tongue rings have been associated with incredible oral sex. As lesbians, we know that the incredible oral sex has very little to do with the piercing. (wink wink)

14. Scissoring is not like in porn.

A huge number of lesbian porn features scissoring – but most lesbians who got the idea from a porno are not likely to find enjoyment from it. (It can be an incredibly satisfying experience when done right, but most porn actresses definitely do not do it right.)

13. Most gay bars suck for women.

Most gay bars cater towards gay men, not to lesbians. I’m not really sure why that is, and hopefully your local hotspot isn’t like that – but probably 75% of the gay bars I’ve been to were mainly gay guys and straight women with their gay best friends.

12. Lesbians are crazy.

Okay, this isn’t strictly a lesbian thing, and it’s not even all lesbians. But if you think of every lesbian you’ve ever been with, chances are, there’s at least one crazy one. (And if there’s not, maybe it’s you!)

11. Gay ladies are hard to find.

Unless you’re attracted primarily to butch women, it can be pretty tough to find a girlfriend in the “real world”. Most likely, you’ve looked online, or hit up gay bars (only to find that they were mostly dudes… what’s up with that?). Even among other lesbians, femmes are pretty invisible.

10. Not all lesbians are vegetarians.

I really have no idea how this stereotype started. I guess since we don’t like “sausage”, we can’t like any meat… Right? But seriously, lesbians are no more likely to be vegetarians than anyone else.

9. Drag is hard for us.

It’s fun to play around in drag every now and then, but drag kings have it much harder than drag queens do. After all, it’s easy to tuck something between your legs and add a little padding – binding your chest and your hips takes a lot of skill.

8. Lesbians will pretty much watch anything with lesbians in it.

Even if it’s terrible. (Especially if it’s terrible.) We eat it up, and then complain about the way they portrayed us. It’s part of our nature.

7. You will get asked for threesomes… Regularly.

Even the least-conventionally-attracted lesbians will hear that they should join some guy and his girlfriend, or some girl and her boyfriend. We are sexualized to the point where a 6 in the “straight world” somehow gets bumped to a “10” in the “lesbian world”. And if you are conventionally attractive? That 10 turns into a 20 (and they think you’re not really gay anyway).

6. Gaydar is not real.

Especially with straight girls stealing our fashion (I know, I know, fashion belongs to everyone), just because we think someone is gay doesn’t mean she really is. A lot of the time, it’s just wishful thinking.

5. Your exes are going to hook up with each other.

Since the lesbian dating pool is relatively small, and a lot of women limit their choices even further by rejecting bisexual women (tsk, tsk)… At least once in your life, one of your exes will have sex with (at least) one of your other exes. I’ve got an ex who has slept with three of my exes, that I know of – after a while it’s not even weird anymore.

4. (Some) straight girls assume you’re flirting – always.

What’s even worse is when they get offended when you set the record straight!

3. Some straight girls will hit on you.

Not sure if they think it’s funny, if they’re questioning themselves, or what, but there’s always gotta be that one straight girl that messes with your emotions…

2. People will ask why you don’t give guys a chance.

Sometimes it’s your family members. Sometimes it’s a well-intentioned friend who thinks your life would be easier if you’re straight. A lot of times it’ll be straight men who think they can turn you. And, occasionally, it could even be your gynecologist. (Seriously… Happened to my girlfriend one time. Akward!)

Finally, NO, we don’t all know each other!

We probably want to, but no, not all lesbians know all other lesbians. That would be so weird – can you imagine if we were all telepathically linked? Think of all the things we could accomplish!

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The 10 Best Things About Being a Lesbian That No One Tells You

1. Kissing a girl is totally amazing. Its so much softer, sexier and lovelier than kissing a guy.

2. You get to snuggle with someone who’s not covered in body hair.

3. Watching The L-word with your girlfriend

4. You don’t wake up to a boner sticking into your back.

5. Women smell a lot better than men.

6. Women have boobs, which you get to touch.

7. You never ever have to experience pregnancy scares.

8. Another woman knows exactly how to touch you and at what speed.

9. When you move in with your girlfriend, your wardrobe literally doubles.

10. The sex is better, which has actually been proven by science.

BONUS Thing. You get to break all societies patriarchal rules!

I’m In A Relationship, But I Have Major Crush On Another Woman – Help! | We Answer Your Questions

We aim to get to the heart of your sex and relationship problems, so if you need advice, please contact us.

Q: In A Relationship, But I Have Major Crush On Another Woman

Dear KitschMix,

My SO and I have been together for 2.5 years. I love her more than anything and we both want to spend the rest of our lives together. She makes me incredibly happy! We’re so comfortable with each other, tell each other EVERYTHING, and there’s never a time when our conversation feels “dead”. Point being, we’re madly in love.

But… We’ve been doing long distance the past month, and I developed a crush on a girl with whom I work. I told this to my SO, and she said that if the occasion arises, I should not feel bad about kissing said crush.

Part of me is conflicted. Why am I feeling the need to kiss someone else? I was immediately attracted to my crush the moment I saw her. We’ve flirted, sent texts, pictures, etc, but nothing beyond that. (And yes, I showed my SO the pictures and texts). Crush has a boyfriend, but the flirtation from her end was insane. Selfies, innuendos, emojis… She’s calmed down her flirting, but I told my SO that I do miss it a little.

Anyway, it felt good to get that off my chest. SO has been very supportive, and I thank Raptor that she’s in my life!!

Dear Reader,

It seems like you’re in a complicated position right now – but also that you have a very supportive girlfriend. Not everyone is able to support an “open” relationship. It certainly doesn’t work for everyone, but if it works for you – I know many people who are quite in love inside of their polyamorous relationships.

In my opinion, you should discuss with this other girl whether or not her boyfriend is aware of her flirtation with you. As I’ve said, there are a great deal of people who get along wonderfully inside of an open relationship – but if it’s not built on honesty, it’s dangerous territory. If her boyfriend knows and is OK with the situation, and your girlfriend also doesn’t mind, I don’t really see a problem in pursuing it.

You should be aware that there is always a potential for these things to go sour, though. There’s a chance that your girlfriend starts out OK with it and a later point decides she isn’t, at which point you’ll have to choose between the two women. Often, if your true feelings lie with your girlfriend, the choice may be easy and you’ve already “got it out of your system” with the other girl.

Other times, however, this won’t be the case. There is a potential that you will develop deeper feelings for this other girl. This can be difficult emotionally on everyone involved, but I am a firm believer that “what will be, will be” and eventually you will arrive at the right decision for you.

Of course, the main point of all of this is that there should be complete honesty between everyone involved. Make sure you communicate the situation at every step of the way, to avoid as much hurt as possible. There is no such thing as a perfect shot, but if the lines of communication stay fully open (ideally between all of you) your chances are as good as they can be.

Best of luck!

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From The Famous Women We Love, All The Dating Advice You’ll Ever Need

There’s nothing quite like watching an empowered woman walk onto a stage, flip caution the bird and spout a hilarious one-liner about sex.

Here are our favourite bits of advice dished out…

1. Ellen DeGeneres – “Find that person that gets you, wants to take care of you, wants the best for you.”

2. Margaret Cho – “Find out how to share that desire with a partner.”

3. Chelsea Handler – “Take your socks off.”

4. Wanda Sykes – “It’s all about compromise.”

5. Tina Fey – “Talent is not sexually transmittable.”

6. Lena Dunham – “You have to love yourself.”

7. Amy Poehler – “Vulnerability is the key to happiness.”

8. Sarah Silverman – “Just be in love every day.”

The Perfect Pre-Sex Diet: 10 Awesome Ingredients That Will Improve Your Sex Life

Lets be honest, when most us decide to start eating right, it has at least something to do with getting in naked shape. Hey, we all want to look good in bed.

But, it turns out, what you eat can do more than make you look good in bed. It can actually make the sex better!

The right foods can up your sex drive, performance, and pleasure.

So here’s what you should be eating to be better in bed

1. Chocolate – hell yeah!

Chocolate is a good sex enhancer because of two particular ingredients it contains, phenylethylamine and methylxanthines. Methylxanthines are stimulants that increase the body’s sensitivity to touch, always a good thing during sex.

Phenylethylamine is a chemical that causes the body to release the same endorphins that the body releases during sex, giving you a slight high. Mix chocolate and sex and the effect is compounded!

2. Fatty Fish

Fatty fish are high in healthy omega-3 fatty acids DHA and EPA, which raise the levels of dopamine in the brain, which in turn raises the levels of sexual arousal. Fish also contains L-arginine, an amino acid that stimulates the body to release a growth hormone, which is then converted into nitric oxide that’s necessary for erections and is also improves blood flow to female sexual organs. Try out these fatty fish:

3. Oysters

We’ve all probably heard that oysters are an aphrodisiac, and it is actually true. Oysters have one of the highest levels of libido-boosting zinc of any food. If you can, try sucking down about six of the slippery suckers to get twice the recommended daily dose of zinc.

4. Celery

Celery seems like a boring and unsexy food, but it can actually help you attract the ladies. Celery contains the pheromones androstenone and androstenol, which can do two important things: Arouse the you when you eat it, and cause you to send out scent signals to the ladies around you that make you a hot commodity!

5. Seeds and Nuts

Seeds and nuts contain monounsaturated fats, which our bodies convert into the good type of cholesterol that our sex hormones need to work properly. Almonds are a particularly good choice because they are also high in zinc, selenium and Vitamin E, which are all important for sexual health. Zinc also increases your libido.

6. Sorry Vegies, but Steak is on the list

Steak is good for your sex life for two reasons; the protein boosts dopamine and norepinephrine, which heightens sensitivity during sex. Steak is high in zinc, which boosts libido.

So next time you are deciding where to take a hot date out to dinner, consider a steak house!

7. Watermelon

Studies have shown that watermelon may be a natural Viagra. It contains the nutrients lycopene, beta carotene and citrulline, all of which are good for sex. Citrulline is the particularly important one. When we ingest citrulline, the body converts it into the amino acid arginine, which boosts production of nitric oxide. Nitric oxide relaxes blood vessels (pretty much the same thing that Viagra does), so eating watermelon can treat erectile dysfunction and maybe even prevent it.

8. Spinach

Spinach is high in magnesium, which dilates blood vessels; and better blood flow to the genitals equals better sex. Also, the trace minerals found in dark, leafy greens, like arugula, have been shown to keep us from absorbing many of the environmental contaminants that can be responsible for a lower libido.

9. Fortified cereals and breads

Fortified cereals and breads have many vitamins and minerals we need to be healthy, but they contain three things in particular that are good for better sex: thiamin, riboflavin and niacin.

Thiamin and riboflavin are needed for a functioning nervous system, in turn leading to more stimulation and pleasure during sex. Niacin is a vitamin that is necessary to create histamine, a chemical the body uses to trigger more explosive orgasms.

10. Eggs

Eggs are high in B vitamins. Vitamins B5 and B6 help reduce stress and balance out hormone levels, both of which are good for a healthy libido. Have a big night coming up? Start the day off with eggs for breakfast!

Queer Urban Talk | The Truth About Strap-Ons (Video)

So you’ve now got this appendage that you’ve never used before. It’s attached to your hips, which is unlike any other appendage you have, and it requires a specific muscle set to be able to control it the way you really want… Ah strap-ons.

Watch and be prepared to laugh.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3Bl26lCH3c

13 Wonderful Erogenous Zones Your Girlfriend Should Be Paying Attention To

As we unearth our sexuality; and we learn more and more about what give us pleasure.

We discover it’s not always the most obvious places – namely, our genitals – that just turn us on.

We have these wonderful erogenous zones. These secret places that remain hidden, until one day we notice them when someone actually starts touching us there – stimulating a previously uncovered zone that’s starts to burt with new, erotic energy.

Here are 13 of those mysterious, sexually enchanting erogenous zones.

1. Your lips

Yes, it’s true. If she knows how to manipulate your lips just right through kissing, licking, sucking and biting, it is very possible that a kiss will lead to a lot more than that.

2. You inner thighs

Oh yes. This spot will get anyone in the mood fast, mainly because it’s torturously close to our genitals.

3. The backs of your knees

The backs of the knees are very sensitive to touch. There are a bundle of nerve ending theres, which respond well to being lightly touched or massaged.

4. Your nose

Did you know your nose contains the most nerve endings out of all parts on your face (next to your lips, that is)? And it’s a surprising erogenous zone for both you and your partner. This is how the classic “Eskimo kiss” came to be.

5. Your nipples

For many women, nipples are key stimulation spots. And yes, nipple orgasms are a real thing.

6. Your belly button

If you put your finger in your own belly button, you can sometimes feel the sensation in your clit. It can feel like you have to pee or like you’re being tickled. That’s because the belly button and the clitoris grew from the same tissue at birth, so they’re neurologically connected.

7. Your toes

Ever wondered where the term “toe-curling orgasm” comes from? According to science, there are clear links between toes and your vagina, which cause your toes to reflexively curl when you reach climax. So when they’re touched, this will stimulate certain feelings.

8. Small of the your back

The sacral nerves, which are a cluster of nerves located in the small of your back, shoot right to your vagina, and are a great source of pleasure.

9. Ears

The ears and the ear lobs are massive erogenous zone, so have her nibble them.

10. Nape of neck

The back of your neck is a great spot. It’s a very sensual part of your body. To activate this area, your girlfriend can massage or rub your shoulders and seductively make a trail of soft kisses from your hairline to the base of your neck. This combination should really hit the spot.

11. Your lower abs

Some women have actually been able to achieve orgasm through core exercises (yes, “coregasms”), so activating this area during sex is a good call.

12. Your scalp

The scalp is a wonderful place for stimulation. Scalp massage releases the stress hormone oxytocin, which calms us while simultaneously increasing arousal.

13. You mind

Ah, yes — the mind is one of the greatest pleasure points out there. Try to connect with your partner on a deeper, more intellectual level. After all, if you can stimulate with your mind, stimulating with your hands will be that much better.

Study Shows Your Biggest Regret in Life Will Be a Failed Relationship

That’s right, I’m talking about the one that got away. That missed connection. The almost-love match… If you’ve ever experienced romantic regret, you have a whole lot of company.

According to the New York Times, researchers at the Northwestern University and the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign recently surveyed 370 American adults, ages 19 to 103, about their biggest regrets in life. What did the participants most wish for? A love do-over.

Relationship regrets scored the highest marks, especially among women. Nearly half of all ladies polled, 44 percent, had romantic regrets, with only 19 percent of men claiming the same.

Also, single women tended to dwell on their past heartaches more than those who had moved on to new, committed relationships.

Those who discussed their lost loves focused on that age-old topic: The one that got away.

Interestingly, those surveyed were equally split between regret for situations where they took action, versus regret for scenarios where they failed to act.

Those who felt remorse for not having worked harder to save their lost love tended to harbour the regret for significantly longer than those who regretted actions taken.

The longer-ago regrets tend to focus on lost opportunities, things you could have done or should have done different.

More recent regrets tend to focus on things you did do that you wish you could take back.”

Psychologist and professor at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern Neal J. Roese, said

Regret feels bad, but on average, regret is a helpful emotion. The most helpful way to experience regret is to feel it deeply, get over it quickly and move on and use it to push you to new behaviours that are going to be helpful.”

Use each romantic entanglement as a learning experience. Then, move on.

“The one that got away” really means “The one that wasn’t meant to be.”

And hey—that just means there’s someone better out there.

5 ‘Perfectly Okay’ Reasons To Have Sex On The First Date

The problem with first dates is they can be awkward.

They usually involve some kind of drink or meal, and there’s always that hesitant question at the forefront of both your minds: Are we going to have sex later?

First-date sex has become a topic of controversy, with many of us still believing in the shameful stigma attached to it.

Despite our generally enlightened attitudes in this new-age hook-up culture, we’re still viewing sex on the first date as a make-or-break moment, leaving most of us to agonise over what the right move is.

But, having sex on the first date shouldn’t negatively impact your chances of a long-term relationship.

If you’re feeling hot and you want it, then you should have absolutely no qualms about going for it.

Here are 5 reasons why you totally have sex on the first date.

1. It cuts the sexual tension

If you don’t have sex early on, the pressure to have it builds up. Each subsequent date becomes a constant mind-game of “Should I keep waiting? We’ve been on three dates, should I just do it?

And because we become wary about when to move the relationship into the bedroom it makes us more prudish when we finally get down to it. We become more awkward and over-analytical about why it’s not happening.

2. You’ll hopeful want her coming back for more

Having sex on the first date actually benefits you and increases your chances of a second meeting.

3. Chemistry is chemistry

If there’s chemistry, there’s chemistry. And it doesn’t really matter if we hook up on date one or date seven. You don’t need to turn sex on the first date into this momentous decision. If you both are into each other, then there’s no good reason not to enjoy each other more.

4. Its not just, they may want it too

So don’t be hesitant on her behalf. Chances are she wants it just as badly as you do, and she isn’t condemning the act either.

5. You find out if you’re really connected

Sexual compatibility is important part of a relationship. By having sex on the first date, you get to establish that special connection early on. And if it’s enjoyable, it’ll only increase your attraction to one another.

What we all have to remember is what matters is how much you like each other and are attracted to each other. This will determine how many dates they have, and whether she calls you back.

It appears that the first-date-sex couples usually don’t last because people don’t know each other very well on first dates and they have a high rate of failure regardless of sex.

Why Its Not Just in Your Head – 11 Signs She’s Emotional Cheating on You

An intimate lesbian relationship consists of a framework of emotional connections that create a bond between two women.

Its not just a physical romance (sex, kissing, and hugging), but an emotionally one.

You share stories, offer emotional support, provide loving words, nurture and support. You are attentive to you girlfriend in more ways than one.

It’s a mix of both aspects — physical and emotional — is important to a healthy relationship.

But when one piece goes missing, the intimate bond begins to deteriorate.

Emotional cheating is often far more destructive to a lesbian relationship than physical infidelity. It can go much further before it is acknowledged, because the line between “friendship” and “emotionally intimate relationship” is often blurred.

There isn’t just one act that points to cheating.

Physical cheating is easy to define for most people — it’s a specific sexual act.

But what constitutes emotional cheating?

1. She starts to disconnect from you. When she gets attention and emotional reinforcement from someone else, she may start detaching from you. She’ll stop discussing problems or bad days with you, because this need is being met outside of your relationship.

2. She spends more time connecting – be it talking on the phone, texting or spending time together – than she does with you.

3. She doesn’t want to be intimate with you. When people become connected to the fantasy of another person. This can included an imagined sexual relationship, and therefore intimacy with you feels like an emotional betrayal to the other woman.

4. She seeks and gives a majority of her emotional support to this other woman.

5. She’s constantly checking out her Facebook profile. Once an emotional affair is in place, Facebook often becomes a primary way they communicate. They also make the relationship easier to hide.

6. She depends on someone other than you (her significant other) to meet her needs – to feel loved, connected and feel significant.

7. Someone else distracts her when she should be present in your relationship.

8. You catch her saying “we’re just friends” way too often. Those words are usually said to rationalise something we know is wrong.

9. She starts to keep secrets. If your girlfriend is trying to hide something from you, you’re probably going to notice, especially if you live together. She might start taking her phone into the bathroom or will stop texting the moment when you walk into the room.

10. She becomes more critical of you In addition to pulling away emotionally or physically, your partner might also put you down. Why, one reason is because she’s starting to compare you to the fantasy of the other person. The other is guilt.

11. She gets defensive if you happen to criticise the object of her affection, she gets extremely defensive if anything even slightly negative is say about the person she likes.

Emotional cheating is very real thing. In fact, over half of all emotional affairs start out innocently as online friendships. More than 70% of those friendships or flirtations will end up as real time affairs.

Does Your Cheating Girlfriend Deserve a Second Chance?

Is cheating worth breaking up over?

We all know someone who has been in a rotten relationship, where their pattern cheats or lies to them. Yet, no matter what they are willing to give that someone a second chance.

But, does anyone really deserve a second chance?

Should we simply move on the first time that we break up? When and how does someone deserve a second chance?

The biggest issues are always cheating and trust. (Usually in that order.)

If someone cheats on you (or has an affair, whatever terminology you prefer) does she deserve a second chance? Should you break it off?

Well, you know as well as I do that if you discover that your lover is a cheater – you will end up having trust issues and no matter how hard you try, what you do, or your individual situation: you’ll have a hard time trusting your partner again (if you ever trust them again).

You know that as soon you have the slightest suspicion that they’re up to no good; you’ll obsess. You’ll question, And you’ll suspect, and soon the question of whether or not your partner is being faithful will consume majority of your thoughts.

So, what if you discover your girlfriend is cheating or has cheated – What do?

In the past, I’ve gone both ways on this subject. I’ve handed out second chances like they were candy on Halloween, and I’ve also cut my losses and moved on.

The woman I continued to let come back (and yes, it happened more than once) eventually showed that she was never going to change, so I cut her loose. She and I had dated on and off for 2.5 years. She’s married now (surprisingly) and still calls from time to time wanting to know if we can “get together”, which I know means more than a simple coffee date

It also shows me that she hasn’t changed. Three years after our break up and she’s still the same.

So, what would you do in the event you uncovered an affair?

13 Facts About Kissing Women You Definitely Need To Know

The word “kiss” needs no introduction. An neither does it need any description. But I am pretty sure none of you know these crazy facts about kissing.

Read on to know some pretty awesome stuff:

1. One kiss requires the coordination of a total of 146 muscles

This includes 34 facial muscles and 112 postural muscles. That is quite a serious workout!

2. Kissing burns 2 to 6 calories per minute

3. It is possible for a woman to reach an orgasm through kissing

4. It can boost your mood instantly

The levels of dopamine- one of the most important neurotransmitters, spike during kissing, leading to a rush of elation and craving and can also result in the obsessive thoughts that many of us experience with a new romance – almost like an addiction.

5. Our love for kissing comes from… rats?

An ancient rat-like creature called Eomaia Scansoria, which lived sometime between 75 and 125 million years ago, is the common ancestor for both mice and humans. Kazushige Touhara and colleagues at the University of Tokyo believe that our affinity for kisses descends from this ancient rat. The science team theorizes that this creature would rub noses with a mate to sample his or her pheromones and signal desire.

6. Origin of the word “kiss”

The word “kiss” comes from the Old English word cyssan, which technically means “to kiss.” No one is completely positive where cyssan comes from, but it is thought that it represented the sound people make when they kiss.

7. You can have a career in kissing

The study of kissing is called Philematology, and someone who studies’ kissing is called an Osculologist.

8. 10% of the world doesn’t kiss

Would you believe me if I told you that there existed people who did not know about kissing? Mangaia Island, which is about 18 million years old, is the oldest island in the Pacific Ocean. The people here had never heard of kissing until the English introduced them to the practice in the 1700s.

Although as of today, 90% of the world enjoys the art of kissing, the rest 10% does not do so. For example, certain areas in Sudan believe that the mouth is the window to the soul, and they fear that it can be stolen by mouth-to-mouth contact.

9. On average, two-thirds of people tip their heads to the right when they pucker up.

A German researcher observed over 100 couples and noted that two-thirds of them tilted their heads to the right, too. Experts think this instinct originates from the womb when we naturally tilted our heads to the right.

10. In Nevada, it is illegal to kiss with a moustache

11. Kissing is good for your health

Kissing has long been thought to be a way to pass along bugs and thus strengthen the body’s defenses. Scientific research also says that kissing increases the levels of oxytocin, the body’s natural calming chemical and also increases endorphins, the body’s feel-good chemicals.

12. Lips are 100 times more sensitive than the tips of the fingers. Not even genitals have as much sensitivity as lips.

13. Kissing is all about exchanging information

The exchange of saliva allows us to figure out information about our partner on a subconscious level. A kiss can convey the genetic compatibility of a mate, the condition of their immune system and how willing they are to raise children. Even if you’ve paired off with a perfect match from a shared interest dating site, you have lots in common and their kissing technique is good, on a subconscious level you may reject them because of how your body has responded to this exchange of information.

According to Science the Longer You Wait, Statistically Determines the Longer You Date

Humans are not know for their patience. In fact, the entire evolution of modern technology has pretty much revolved around one main premise: eliminate waiting time.

We live in a era of instant gratification. However, patience is still, and will always be, a virtue. And just because certain things may come to you quicker, it doesn’t always translate positively to quality.

According to Jeanna Bryner of LiveScience, “delaying sex makes better relationships,” as studies show.

Couples who had sex the earliest – such as after the first date or within the first month of dating – had the worst relationship outcomes,”

Results of one study conducted by researcher Dean Busby and his colleagues at Brigham Young University’s School of Family Life, concluded the reasoning behind this belief is once sex is introduced in the early stages of a relationship.

… [this] rewarding area of the relationship overwhelms good decision-making and keeps couples in a relationship that might not be the best for them in the long run.”

Sex early in relationships, as Bryner writes, skews focus away from vital aspects such as communication and commitment, due to the instant pleasure that comes with sex.

Susanne Alexander, a relationship coach, told WebMD,

It becomes much more difficult to objectively see each other’s character traits [when sex is introduced early].”

The sex might be the driving force behind the first few months of your relationship, but when you actually start to discover the more nonsexual aspects of your significant other, you may realize this person is not who you thought she was.

According to Bryner research,

Relationships fared better and better the longer a person waited to have sex, up until marriage, with those hitting the sack before a month showing the worst outcomes.”

Statistics showed when compared to the “early” group, those who waited until marriage rated:

Relationship stability 22% higher.
Relationship satisfaction 20% higher.
Sexual quality 15% better.
Communication 12% better.

Busby reported while 40% of couples are “essentially sexual” within the first two dates, when individually asked if they could trust their significant others with their pets for the weekend, “many could not answer this in the affirmative.”

This shows the lack of true trust between a great deal of sexual partners, today.

Of course, waiting until marriage is a bit extreme, but still, these statistics do present a strong case for waiting — however long you choose to — instead of rushing right into sex. Ultimately, sex requires maturity, as do relationships.

Part of maturity is knowing what’s best for the big picture, regardless of impulsive desires.

The Rise of Casual Sex Between Women

New York Magazine recently reported that Americans are now more OK with casual sex than they were in the 90s.

According to the data from the nationally representative General Social Survey of 33,380 Americans over 18, 37% have had casual sex in the past year, compared to 32% in the 90s.

In addition, Americans have had more sexual partners over the course of their adult lifetime now than they did in the 90s.

There are a lot of reasons these more relaxed attitudes exist.

The media are more open about same-sex relationships.

There has never been more sex in mass media than there is now — and that’s a good thing because we are no longer viewing sex as a something shameful, secretive or taboo.

Sex has always been a normal part of everyday life, but now that normality is reflected in the media, too.

Even more so, being confronted with these images of sex and sexuality in the media forces us to have conversations about them.

Also read: The 10 Best Things About Being a Lesbian That No One Tells You

Feminism gives women more choices, especially when it comes to sex.

For women, the most important component about modern-day feminism is choice.

Thanks to feminism, we can choose our careers, our motherhood status and our skirt length. Most importantly, we can choose how much sex we want to (or don’t want to) have.

No longer are women expected to remain virgins until marriage. No longer does the number of people they’ve slept with define them.

The Madonna-whore complex has been rendered bullsh*t, and the reclaiming of the words “slut” and “whore” has given women freedoms they’d never before experienced.

Today, when it comes to sex, anything goes.

The Western World is less religious.

Religion might be great for a lot of things, but sex-positivity is not one of them.

According to data from the Pew Research Center, 20% of Americans are not religious.

With religion comes a perspective on sex that’s generally of the more conservative variety.

The fact that Americans are less religious means they aren’t adhering to beliefs that cast sexuality in a shameful light.

When you don’t affiliate yourself with a religion, you’re free to make your own decisions about your sex life without any reservations or guilt.

The boom of the Internet makes sex-related information more accessible.

With the rise of the Internet in the past decade, it’s never been easier to search for anything sex related, including how-tos, advice and, yes, visual stimulation. And by visual stimulation, I mean porn.

Statistics over the years have exaggerated exactly how much porn is on the Internet, but that doesn’t discredit porn’s effect.

Out of the top one million most popular websites on the Internet, about 4% are sex related.

Information about sex on the Internet may not always be reliable, but this doesn’t stop people from seeking it out anyway.

Also read: 5 Common Misconceptions About Lesbians

Dating apps make it easy to find sex.

Tinder, GayDar Girls, Her – if you think of a word and awkwardly tweak the spelling, there’s probably a casual sex app with that name.

Thanks to these dating apps, we now treat sexual prospects like we treat weekly food shop.

Much like you’d browse through veg at supermarket, you can browse through prospects in your bedroom, on the train, at the club, on the toilet — literally anywhere.

Seeking out sex has never been easier or more convenient, which further normalises it.

Instead of the “walk of shame,” it’s called the “stride of pride.”

A one-night stand is officially no longer a “walk of shame.” Now, it’s a “stride of pride,” which gives casual sex a whole new positive meaning.

We no longer live in a world in which you should feel guilty for engaging in sex with another women. You get it. Just let your freak flag fly.

Same-Sex Relations to be De-Criminalised in Mozambique

The Mozambique, situated in southern Africa, will officially be added to the list of countries with no law against same-sex relations as from 29th June this year.

Legislators specifically revised the penal code that allowed ‘security measures’ to be taken against people ‘who habitually engage in vices against nature’. A clause used to discriminate against and prosecute LGBTI people. Punishment could have been up to 3 years in ta workhouse. However, officials say this was done rarely it was considered by many to be a meaningless clause in the statute books.

Agencia de Informacao de Mocambique said:

The new Penal Code sweeps away a great deal of the musty colonial legacy, including the mention of “vices against nature” Now not even the most contorted of arguments could claim that acts of gay sex between consenting adults are somehow illegal.”

Lambda, the country’s LGBTI rights group, has pushed for the government to fully recognize same-sex relationships. While gay sex may be legal come the end of June, this does not mean LGBTI people are guaranteed equality.

Our primary interest is to precipitate a change in society so that it becomes more favourable to the free expression of sexual orientation and gender identity. The silence of the Mozambican state legitimises discrimination and strengthens the stigma to which LGBT people are subject in the communities, workplaces, schools, etc.

Above all, it perpetuates the idea that LGBTI citizens are less important than all other Mozambicans, thus placing them in a situation of inferiority, disadvantage and inequality.”

In the past, Joaquim Chissano, president of Mozambique, has pleaded for African leaders to be respectful of the human rights of sexual minorities and move away from discriminating against them.

Chissano, the current co-chair of the High-Level Task Force for the International Conference on Population and Development (ICPD) made the comments in an open letter published by The Africa Report as African leaders finalise a document that will replace the United Nations Millennium Development Goals for Africa after 2015.

The Worlds Most Sexually Satisfied Countries

Is it time to move? Maybe so if you live in the UK or USA, as they do not even feature in a new list of the most sexually satisfied countries.

According to a Durex global survey of 26,000 people, aged 16 and older, across 26 countries, only 44 per cent of people are fully satisfied with their sex lives.

If people are in good mental and physical health; free from stress and sexual dysfunction; and have frequent sex and foreplay, then they are more likely to be satisfied.

Also read: What to do When You’re Bored with Sex?

According to Durex:

Achieving orgasm is a key driver of sexual satisfaction. Just 48 per cent of us said that they usually orgasm.”

Here are the top most sexually satisfied countries

Switzerland
Spain
Italy
Brazil
Greece
The Netherlands
Mexico
India
Australia
Nigeria
Germany
China

What to do When You’re Bored with Sex?

When it comes to long term relationships it’s easy to turn on the auto pilot switch and neglect each other.

You have your life with your friends and family and she has her life. You are living in the same house leading parallel lives with very little interaction.

Both of you have the need for intimacy and connection, and neither knows how to bridge the gap to find the spark you once had. So what do you do?

Also read: 5 Ways to Electrify Your Sex Life

15 Thoughts You Have When She is Taking to Long

We have all been there: that moment when your lady is taking way too long to get to that point. Your jaw is getting stiff, your tongue can’t keep to that set speed much longer, your wrist is cramping, and you just need your sleep, as you’re in work in 4 hours.

Your mind is wondering… its going to place it shouldn’t, especially considering your meant to be in the throes of passion.

1. Like, I thought you said you were close… like 15 minutes ago.

2. I wonder if there are any good movies out right now…

3. I must remember to email my [insert colleagues names] when I get into work.

4. Ouch, my jaw is starting to hurt. In fact I think it may have locked.

5. I really don’t understand…Am I doing it wrong?

6. Is she enjoying this?

7. I need the bathroom, but when she’s finished she’ll want to cuddle. Will it be rude for me to just get up and use the loo?

8. Yes! I think she’s there.

9. No. False alarm.

10. My last GF didn’t take this long.

11. Should I speed up or slow down? Communicate women!

12. Why is she so quiet?

13. God, I just want her to finish so I can go to sleep.

14. I’m starting to get sore.

15. Seriously women, WTF is taking you so long?

Are Rigid (Lesbian) Stereotypes Limiting Our Sex Life? Moushumi Ghose & Jenoa Harlow Discuss

Moushumi Ghose and Jenoa Harlow are hosts of The Sex Talk, a web-series focusing on sex education, relationship and dating advice, which hopes to raise awareness, and promote healthy positive attitudes about sex and sexuality.

Moushumi Ghose is a sex therapist. Jenoa Harlow is an out actress sex enthusiast.

In this episode Mou and Jenoa discuss how rigid stereotypes, labels, roles, or having a ‘type’ that you are into might limit you from meeting someone really special.

According to New Research, Lesbians Have Better Sex

It’s official, Lesbians have better sex – well thats according to researches at Indiana University. Women in lesbian relationships are more likely to reach orgasm during sex than straight or even bisexual women. They are also likely to have orgasms with more variety.

The study has found men reach orgasm an average 85% of the time when they have sex with a familiar partner, compared to 63% on average for straight women. That figure rose to 75% for lesbians but dropped to 58% for bisexual women.

Researchers have suggested same-sex female sex ‘lasts longer’. Gay women are also ‘more comfortable with the female body’.

‘One possible explanation is that…lesbian women are more comfortable and familiar with the female body and thus, on average, are better able to induce orgasm in their female partners,’ the Journal of Sexual Medicine study said.

Findings from this large dataset of US singles suggest that women, regardless of sexual orientation, have less predictable, more varied orgasm experiences than do men and that for women, but not men, the likelihood of orgasm varies with sexual orientation.

These findings demonstrate the need for further investigations into the comparative sexual experiences and sexual health outcomes of sexual minorities.’

Indiana University

More than 6,500 men and women between 21 years old and 65 years old in America took part in the study led by Indiana University.