Tag Archives: Polyamorous

What is a Polyamorous Family?

Polyamory comes in all shapes and sizes. Some people treat polyamory like an open relationship with a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, while other people give their partners a run-down of the people they’re sleeping with.

Then there are families. Families are for people who like their partners to all know each other and, in some cases, all be sexually involved.

If you’ve read Is Polyamory Right for You and Your Girlfriend? or 15 Signs You Might Be Polyamorous, then you’re probably familiar with the first two scenarios, but what on earth is a family? (And how do you maybe get into one?)

Every poly family is a little bit different.

According to a recent study, 9.8 million Americans have experimented with an open relationship, and 5 percent of Americans (15.9 million people) participate in ethical non-monogamy.

There are as many different ways to do polyamory as there are polyamorous people. Some throuples are comprised of three equal partners, while some families are organized like a family tree, with one couple being primary (most important) and other couples in the tree considered secondary.

In dom-headed families, the family tree gets even more complex. One dom (dominant partner) named Fyre recently broke down her own system of partners. She and her primary partner, Angel, define their relationship as master-slave: Fyre decides everything about Angel’s life, from what Angel eats to what Angel does for a living. Fyre’s secondary partner, Dane, has a little more freedom; Fyre doesn’t control where he works, but she does control all of his sexual activities. Her tertiary partner, Puppy, isn’t a sexual partner; in fact, Puppy has a separate boyfriend but comes to Fyre for power play.

Get ready for rules, lots of rules.

Some people turn to polyamory looking for a sexual free-for-all where they can have sex with anyone they want all the time. That’s not true, especially in families – and yes, you can still cheat even if you’re polyamorous.

In most poly families, every member of the family has to give permission for another member to sleep with someone outside of the family. And many families require new members to provide medical records to prove that they don’t have STDs.

If you enter into a polyamorous family, be ready to live by the rules and engage in open communication.

Some partners aren’t sexual.

Fyre and Puppy don’t have a sexual relationship, which is a core tenet of polyamory: In polyamory, partnership can look like anything, from throuples to queerplatonic relationships.

Just because you’re in a family with someone doesn’t mean that you want to sleep with them. Some family members are just there for companionship or for non-sexual power play. Broaden your idea of what partnership can be.

For more information about poly families, click here.

Watch ‘195 Lewis’, A Queer Polyamorous Web Series

If relationships aren’t easy, then open relationships can be disasters. The new web series 195 Lewis explores the complications of a lesbian couple who decides to try an open relationship. Whether you’re considering polyamory or just enjoy character-driven dramas, give it a try.

The series follows Yuri and Camille as they test the boundaries of their open relationship. Yuri’s growing infatuation with a new lover leaves Camille distressed, which is only amplified by the unexpected arrival of Yuri’s old college friend Kris, who shows up with nowhere else to stay.”

One look at the trailer reveals that this is not your typical melodramatic love triangle or handicam web series. The almost dreamlike storyline is saturated in deep royal purples, making the characters seem larger than life even as they make devastating choices.

Filmmaker Chanelle Aponte Pearson heads up the series. In 2015, she won the prestigious Calvin Klein-sponsored “Live the Dream” grant. A clip from 195 Lewis premiered at International Film Festival Rotterdam to roaring praise.

Pearson sat down with Filmmaker Magazine to talk about the creative process. When discussing why the show was set in Brooklyn, she said, “Brooklyn is constantly changing, and it continues to welcome a host of people from all walks of life. With 195 Lewis, I’m more interested in representing a part of Brooklyn that is specifically Bed-Stuy, Black, queer, and saturated with activists, artists, and other cultural producers that make the borough so inviting in the first place.” She aimed to create an immersive world.

She originally planned 2-5 minute comedic episodes in the same vein as successful series such as The Couple and Awkward Black Girl. However, she focused on the story and the characters; when she was done telling the characters’ stories, she found herself with an eight-part comedy drama longer than a feature film. Although this format is unprecedented for a comedic web series, she believes it will be successful.

She said,

Our core audience (queer women of color) are hungry for a show like 195 Lewis and we’re committed to delivering.”

When not creating web shows, she directs and produces documentaries, manages the Brooklyn-based production company MVMT, and is in post-production on her first feature-length film Elijah.

Trailer link: 195 Lewis – trailer

15 Signs You May Be Polyamorous

You’ve never been good at relationships. You’ve tried, but something about them always felt…off. You can’t put your finger on why. But the thought of being tied to just one person makes your stomach churn.

Maybe you feel guilty or maybe you’re just confused. What the hell is going on? Are you just a horrible person who can’t be faithful?

Maybe you’re polyamorous.

If you’re polyamorous, that means you’re inclined to being romantically or sexually involved with more than one person at the same time.

Famous polyamorous people include Margaret Cho, Larry King, Myq Kaplan, Ayn Rand, Will Smith and every literally every man in the Old Testament.

You might be polyamorous if…

You believe that you have a lot of love to give, and that love should be spread out among multiple people.
You often have feelings for more than one person at a time.
You believe that loving one person doesn’t diminish the love you have for another person.
The idea of your partner with someone else doesn’t make you jealous.
In fact, maybe it turns you on.
You have trouble committing. You bristle at the thought of being tied down.
You believe that one person cannot meet all of your physical and emotional needs, and that they shouldn’t have to try.
You’ve tried monogamous relationships. When in a monogamous relationship, you felt trapped, you resented your partner, or you cheated.
You’ve had open relationships in the past, and they were amazing.
You believe that you have a lot to offer potential partners. You’re so amazing that it would be selfish to keep you all to yourself!
You love getting to know lots of new people. Life is about making deep soul-to-soul connections with people you never expected.
When you think about your future, you don’t envision marriage to one person. You hate the thought of a “normal” relationship that lasts until you die.
You are willing to be communicative and honest with your partner.
You are willing to take chances. You are willing to get hurt.
Your tattoo says, “The more the merrier.”

If several of those apply to you, then you may be polyamorous. Now what?

Read the polyamorous bible, The Ethical Slut, cover to cover.

Educate yourself by reading Polyamorous Lesbian Relationship Myths Busted.

Talk to your partner after reading Is Polyamory Right For You and Your Girlfriend?

Play devil’s advocate with Why Polyamory Won’t Work for You.

Check out the polyamorous meet-ups in your area.

And then take a chance!

Polyamorous Lesbian Relationship Myths Busted

If you find that your own lesbian relationship lies outside the ‘traditional monogamous couple’ model, you’re definitely not alone. Their are many multifaceted and multifarious love relationships to choose from.

Increasingly, people are opting out of the traditional structure of monogamous partnership or marriage, and choosing polyamory or open marriage/partnership as viable alternatives.

So what is a polyamorous relationship? There is a common misconception that a polyamorous relationship is really no different from an open-relationship agreement: one committed couple, with some lighthearted fun on the side. But the word “polyamory,” by definition, means loving more than one.

In an open-relationship, there is still a central, committed couple, who allow one another to engage in purely sexual (or at least quite casual) outside relationships. Generally, any discussion about the benefits of such practice revolves around how it strengthens and/or reinvigorates the central couples relationship. For those of us living in polyamorous families this is not the case. Most polyamorous units have deeply committed relationships with more than one partner, with no hierarchy among them and no core ‘couple’ at the heart of it all.

Lesbian Polyamory Myths Busted

Ask A Polyamorous Person

Polyamorous Love Story Film ‘Twice’ Seeks Funding

If there’s one thing that queer people are collectively fed up with it’s seeing the same old stories time and time again. Representation is nice, yes, but does it always have to be a case of ‘two same sex people meet each other, one realises they aren’t straight and ditches their opposite sex partner’? We’ve seen that time and time again.

And queer media isn’t the only place we’re assaulted with trope-y love triangles either. Take the entirety of the Twilight franchise, for example, or even The Hunger Games. It’s always the same thing – someone taken falls in love with somebody new and then they’re forced to choose.

But it doesn’t have to be like that. Some people aren’t about that choose-y life; why sacrifice one loving relationship just so that you can begin another? Some people are polyamorous and have multiple partners, loving them equally. That’s not talked about very often and there’s a misunderstanding and a stigma surrounding the polyamorous identity but polyamorous love story film ‘Twice’ would like to change that.

Twice focuses on two people, a man and a woman, who experience a polyamorous love story from two very different viewpoints. One of the leads, named Woman, is polyamorous and one of her partners, Man, grows uncomfortable with her identity and her idea of the magic number (the idea that because there are more people involved in a relationship it doesn’t mean that you’ll love each of them any less) and so he breaks up with her.

The film is described by its creators as being “about second chances, actively loving, being honest, coming out, heartbreak, recovery and the power that exists within the everyday story you tell yourself.” That certainly sounds like it’ll hit all of the right notes to be a soppy, popcorn fest and even if it isn’t explicitly queer it certainly appeals to a queer audience who that’s looking for something more than a woman torn between two tedious men.

Furthermore, should Twice prove successful, who knows what sort of stories we’ll get about queer characters in future? Say, an alternative where Brittany on Glee can love Artie and Santana rather than breaking one or both of their hearts.

Half of Twice has been filmed and its creators are looking for $25,000 to finish the rest of the movie. Check it out on Kickstarter here.

Tag Archives: Polyamorous

What is a Polyamorous Family?