Tag Archives: Sex life

Sex is simultaneously one of the most awkward and most enjoyable experiences of our lives. We love sex for all of what it gives us: embarrassing stories to tell our friends, confidence and lots of orgasms (well, hopefully).

The Dos and Don’ts of Using Household Items as Lube

Is DIY lube a realistic idea, or should you stick with the commercial brands?

A simple search for “DIY personal lubricant” shows up about 156,000 results on Google – which admittedly was far more than I had anticipated when I typed it in.

The idea had never really crossed my mind until recently, as I personally have never really needed it. (I’ll spare you the details, but I’ve probably only bought/used lube twice in my life, and the results left something to be desired. Your mileage may vary.)

However, for some women, personal lubricant is a must – even though they’re substantially aroused by their partner, they might not be able to create enough moisture on their own to be effective.

It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, just as it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong if you produce a great deal of moisture.

It can be particularly helpful if you’ve just got off your period and your cervix has been sucked dry by a tampon, or if you’ve recently had surgery or been prescribed medications that dry you up. (That might be TMI, but it’s a fact you’ll likely have to face at least once in your life.)

Additionally, some women need a little extra help if they’re going to be using toys – we may like the feeling of larger toys, but if your vagina isn’t relaxed enough to be accepting, you’ll probably have to help the process along somehow. This is where lubricant comes in.

These days, though, there’s a push to do more things ourselves and rely on mass-produced products. Often they have preservatives and allergens that can irritate the skin – definitely not something you want in your intimate areas!

Other women may be unable to get commercial lubes, whether it’s a financial splurge they can’t afford, the embarrassment of speaking to the cashier, or any number of reasons.

Furthermore, some women may see it as a spur of the moment type thing – you want a new texture to your lovemaking experience tonight, so you go to the fridge to grab something “fun”.

In itself, this isn’t necessarily a bad idea, but there are definitely some things to remember if you’re going to be using anything other than a reputable brand for your playtime.

1. Don’t use oils if you’re using a condom or dental dam.

Most lesbians don’t use condoms with their female partners, but some like the efficiency of clean-up when using a condom over their toys. Additionally, the use of a dental dam is encouraged if you will be participating in oral sex with either the vagina or the anus.

The problem here is that oil can break down the latex in these products and render them basically useless. It won’t eat a visible hole through it, but it will break it down on a molecular level. Unless you’re using the condom or dental dam solely because you like the feel of it (not likely), make sure to avoid oils and instead find a water-based personal lubricant recipe.

2. Do try essential oils (as long as you’re not using latex products).

If you haven’t had the chance to play around with essential oils, you don’t know what you’re missing. They can be great for massages as they often have an aromatherapy effect on the mind and body, but they’ve also each got a special feeling.

Oils such as ginger and black pepper can cause a warming sensation – although I advise against using cinnamon oil. It seems like a good idea, but think about the viral cinnamon challenge for a second. Then, once you’ve got that mental picture in your mind… Picture it on your vagina. Yeah, not pleasant.

If you prefer a cooling sensation instead, you could try spearmint oil – just be careful that you’re diluting it enough to where you won’t freeze your crotch off. Too much of this oil can make it feel like you’ve got toothpaste down there. Some women might be into that, but personally, I’m not.

If you’ve got some irritation down there (and you’ve already determined that it’s not due to an infection that would mean you shouldn’t be having sex), some lavender oil can help to soothe minor irritants. It probably won’t work as well as a cream you get from the doctor’s, but it’s definitely less embarrassing to go to your local craft department than to your gynecologist.

3. Don’t use anything sweetened if you intend to penetrate.

Sugar and other sweeteners are basically the food of choice for yeast – the fungus that’s responsible for an uncomfortable itch and embarrassing odor. Generally speaking, plain old sugar is the staple, but anything that’s sweet or traditionally edible can be consumed by the yeast fungi and cause their growth.

Regardless of whether you use sweeteners or not, you should always try to wash up thoroughly after sex – or at least use the restroom. It won’t prevent every problem, but the chemical makeup of urine actually helps as a disinfectant, because it’s generally sterile.

Once upon a time it was thought that this was only necessary for penetrative sex with a man, but that’s a misguided assumption. Besides, it’s better to be safe than sorry anyway.

4. Do consider why you want to make your own lube.

Your reasons will affect the choices you make when picking your materials – and you should always think them over thoroughly before you settle on something.

For example, if you’re making your own lubricant because you’ve had an allergic reaction to commercially available lubes, you should ensure that you’re not using any of the products that could have caused the reaction.

Usually, the products you have at home won’t have any known allergens, but it’s safest to avoid all ingredients that you’re not 100% sure are safe for you.

If you’re making your own lube because you can’t afford a commercially available one, you probably won’t want to use an expensive product from home.

Sometimes, something as simple as baby oil can work – this is generally a hypoallergenic substance that can be found at your local dollar store. Essential oils, on the other hand, are far more expensive than commercial lubricants and wouldn’t really be saving you any money to use.

If you’re just playing with homemade lubricants to add a little fun and creativity into your sex life, you’ll want to play around with your options. Find materials that are pleasing to your senses – whichever senses you choose to engage – and try new things when you can.

Certainly, there’s a great deal of creativity behind any DIY project – why would this be any different?

5. Don’t neglect your research!

You want to make sure that the recipe you’re following is reputable. Unfortunately, through the internet, this can be hard to verify. It shouldn’t be impossible, though – check the comment section (if there is one) to see how other users have responded to it, and possibly Google the parts of the recipe that concern you. If you can get a link to another internet user that advocates the use of those materials, have at it!

6. Do communicate with your partner.

Whether you’re using the lube on her, or she’s using the lube on you, or you’re both getting drenched in a slippery sexcapade, you should always talk to your partner about what you’re feeling.

This is especially true in any new sexual situations that are unfamiliar to one or both of you. If the material you’re using is causing you discomfort, it’s best to let your partner know immediately so that you can stop and get washed up.

Also, if a partner notices that the lube isn’t performing its required function – for example, it’s getting sticky when you need it to be slick – it’ll have to be washed off as well. If it’s not getting the job done, scrap it and try something else!

7. Don’t be too serious about it.

In most cases, nothing about a healthy sex life is too serious. If you can’t laugh during sex I firmly believe you’re having sex with the wrong person. Especially if you’re going to be trying something wacky like praying a dildo with cooking spray – seriously, if you can’t laugh at that, your sex life is going to be super boring.

8. Do have fun with it.

Your sex life should always be fun for all parties involved. If you’re not having fun, what’s the point?

First Female Viagra Pill Finally Launched

Who’s Willing To Try It?

Viagra has been giving men a lift since 1998. Now there’s a pink tablet for girls: flibanserin, or “pink Viagra”.

The FDA has approved a new drug, and some are saying it’s a breakthrough for women’s sexual health. They’re calling it the female Viagra.

Flibanserin or Addyi works to increase libido in women when taken daily.

However, there could be some side-effects, especially if you consume alcohol. It could severely lower blood pressure and cause fainting. Local doctors say they’re cautiously optimistic about the drug.

Dr. Joe-La Dowdy of UP Health Systems Bell

Although we’re calling it the female viagra, it’s not the equivalent, we’re going to see a modest increase. I don’t think we should expect it be this miracle, I think it’s going to help, I think it’s a step in the right direction but I think we still have some more work to do.”

Those whose job it is to market a new drug often find it helpful to invent either a new condition, or at least a new and impressive-sounding name for an old problem. And so it is with the “discovery” of HSDD (Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder) in women.

The availability of a pretty pink pill must not distract us from the need to assess sexually “hypoactive” women carefully, to identify the cause and extent of their problem.

Some such disorders may indeed be helped by medication, but loss of libido can be due to a wide range of physical medical problems, such as anemia, which need to be recognized and cleared up.

Low libido can also be a side-effect of a number of other drugs, including antidepressants, which affect the levels of serotonin in the brain.

All such problems are however not physical, and a clumsy and a selfish partner, for instance, may also affect a woman’s sex drive.

Often it is the partner who needs to learn how to get her “in the mood”, instead of artificially trying get her more excited than the situation deserves.

HSDD could be used by either sex as an excuse for a suboptimal sex life, rather than tackling the real issues.

It is important that the availability of a profitable pill doesn’t discourage attention to stumbling blocks in relationships. Medicalising a problem whose causes and cures may lie elsewhere might not, in the long run, benefit women.

Two previous attempts to get the drug registered with the FDA failed because the evidence suggested only moderate effectiveness, coupled with unromantic side-effects like sleepiness, nausea, and dizziness.

In 2010, the panel considered it no more useful than a placebo (and an independent panel of experts unanimously advised that it should not be approved), and in 2013 the FDA asked for more safety data.

In a smart marketing move, the manufacturers then enlisted the support of some women’s groups, complaining of sexism in the FDA, “which has approved 25 drugs for male impotence since Viagra, but none for women”.

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They started an online petition “Even the Score”, with a slogan “Women have waited long enough”, which gathered an unremarkable 40,000 signatures.

Of course it would be far more dangerously sexist to rush to approve a drug for women, irrespective of whether it is truly effective and safe, but that was apparently not what was foremost on their minds.

We must, of course, not lose sight of the fact that a “female Viagra” would be a goldmine for any pharmaceutical company, and that they’d be very tempted to “push” it, regardless of any reservations.

These campaigns are full of clever exaggerations, and, in fact, the active ingredient of Viagra (phosphodiesterase-5 [PDE-5] inhibitors) does not affect sexual desire in men.

Viagra is not a treatment for low desire; it merely improves the blood flow to the penis, and hence a man’s ability to have an erection.

There have been previous failed attempts at producing sex-enhancing drugs for women.

Pfizer, who introduced Viagra, tried it in women back in 2004, but without any success. Other companies tried a testosterone skin patch and gel, again without success.

It’s also interesting that the American Psychiatric Association doesn’t list hypoactive sexual desire in its manual of significant disorders, viewing it, rather, in combination with low arousal – indicating once again that the problem with low sex drive in women may have more to do with lack of appropriate stimulation than anything medical.

How safe is flibanserin?

There are reasons for concern about potential interactions between Flibanserin and alcohol, which may lead to low blood pressure and fainting.

In August, the FDA approved the marketing and use of the drug, available under the odd name Addyi, and it has recently gone on sale in America. One hopes that the safety concerns that have been raised won’t turn out to be serious, as this is one of the first cases where a drug has been approved due in significant part to a powerfully funded PR campaign.

HSDD in women is a complicated issue. The basic problem is that sexual desire has been lost, impacting on the relationship. Diagnosing HSDD can be severely distressing, but untreated, it may continue for years. And if the cause of HSDD is physical, it is easy for both partners to mistake the biological loss of libido for a loss of love itself.

Precisely how flibanserin works is not clear. What I do know, though, is that, unlike Viagra, it works on neurotransmitters in the brain. It decreases serotonin activity, indirectly increasing available dopamine and noradrenaline, thereby reducing inhibition of libido, as well as stimulating it by other means. It shows its effects gradually over a period of up to 8 weeks.

We must hope that no unexpected harmful effects emerge. The main side-effects, as mentioned have been nausea, sedation and dizziness, and these are reduced by taking the daily dose at bedtime. Most of those experiencing benefits are able to remain on the drug as needed.

As the companies profiting from its sale gained approval by a sly PR campaign, we can expect an extensive ad campaign to sell HSDD, and to persuade women worried about libido issues to go to their doctor and discuss the matter. Already a primitive screening questionnaire on sexual desire is being promoted, though I have doubts about its accuracy and validity, as it seems likely to over-encourage the making of the diagnosis.

Although the results reported may be primarily placebo effect, patients may be satisfied and even happy with the effects. It seems likely to be effective in about half of the women taking it, so some who start may later choose to stop.

If this product is successful, it may encourage further research into understanding problems relating to female libido and better ways of treating them.

Maybe they can adopt the song from the Audrey Hepburn movie, Funny Face: “Think Pink!”

The drug is manufactured by Sprout Pharmaceuticals. It’s scheduled for release later this month.

When Do Women Decide To Have Sex?

There are a lot of different reasons why we decided to have sex. The ‘how’ and the ‘when’ don’t really matter as much as the ‘why’. Its often the chemistry and curiosity that shape our decision process… right?!

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14 Reasons Why Morning Sex Is the Best Sex

You can get it on almost any time of day, but we’re pretty sure the morning is the absolute best. Why?

In the morning haze, when you’re at your most vulnerable and still easing into the day, nothing beats the feeling of having someone next to you wrap her arms around you and make you feel wanted.

Morning sex is like eating chocolate cake for breakfast – it’s decadent, indulgent and comforting. Plus, who doesn’t want to linger in bed just a little longer?

The benefits extend to more than just being uncharacteristically nice to everyone for the rest of the day. Multiple studies have shown that individuals who engage in morning sex are healthier and happier people.

Your post-coital glow that others are noticing isn’t totally bogus.

And waking up to an eager partner sure as hell beats waking up to an alarm clock.

So, here are all the reasons morning sex is the best sex.

1. You’re guaranteed to wake up on the right side of the bed.

2. You should be well rested.

3. The bedroom workout means you can skip the gym.

4. Who doesn’t want to begin the day with an orgasm?

5. Because your clothes are already off.

6. You can travel to work together after.

7. It’s more intimate.

8. It affirms that you two are still interested in each other sober.

9. Because you love an excuse to gloat at work.

10. It’s a better replacement for coffee.

11. It puts you in a good mood all day

12. You and your partner will fight less

13. If gives you a reason to shower together

14. Because you’ll actually remember it.

7 Signs You Are About To Get Dumped

Top on the list of the most frustrating things is not knowing if your girlfriend wants to call it quits or not.

Girlfriends often leave subtle hints that they are looking to move on without necessarily saying it.

So, be on the lookout for these signs if you have doubts.

1. The fighting stops

She does not want to fight anymore. There is no more make up sex.

It just “What ever”; “It’s not you, it’s me”; “Nothing’s wrong” – these are the kind of utterances she resorts to whenever you get into a disagreement.

She has given up on you.

2. Her friends give you the cold shoulder

Your once pleasant relationship with her friends is no more, all you get is an evil eye.

They know something you don’t.

3. She doesn’t call

Regular calls are a sign of a healthy relationship. The opposite is true, if she rarely calls you, then something is up.

Maybe she has someone more interesting to talk to.

4. She is critical

She doesn’t like your style anymore. Nothing you do pleases her. Your job is a “waste of time”, your friends “good for nothing” and your grooming “outdated”.

You haven’t changed, she has.

5. Uninspired sex

She just lays there expecting you to do everything. She is often tired or has a headache.

You are the cause of her headache.

6. She starts talking about ‘friendship’

Can it get any clearer than this? If she starts referring to you as good friend, and how you’d work so much better if you’d kept things to friendship, she’s already demoted you to such in her head.

Prepare yourself for the worst.

7. No future plans

She does not want to book or order anything for next month. She cringes if you mention some upcoming future event.

No, she is not superstitious; she is not planning on being here when the opera comes to town in two months’ time.

15 Problems Women Who Sleep With Other Women Will Understand

15 problems only gay women will understand about sleeping with other women

1. When she has the same name as you, it gets very confusing and pretty weird.

2. When you sit talking for hours about the world, and then end up feeling like all you want to do is fuck.

3. Will you still sleep with her even though she’s slept with one of your friends?

4. Stubble rash…. it happens

5. Not knowing whether you actually want to sleep with her or just be her friend?

6. Apprehension about having a long nailed woman near your vagina.

7. The assumption that because she has a vagina; she’ll know how to touch yours…

8. Or visa versa

9. She’s a Virgo, which is super weird because you’re an Aquarius. Are these two signs compatible in bed? Quick google.

10. Is her cat going to watch you have sex the whole time?

11. “Hold on, I have hair in my mouth” said by every longhaired lesbian.

12. How long the sex will last, and how you always end up hungry and thirsty at the end of it.

13. Is it weird that you both kind of look and dress alike?

14. Am I the pillow princess or is she…

15. She smells like your ex, cos they wear the same freakin perfume.

6 Steamy Ways to Make Things Better in Bed With Your Girlfriend

It might seem like asking your girlfriend to do things differently in bed is a dig at her sexual prowess, but it isn’t.

Any woman who is really good in bed will appreciate the input. So, here are some sexy ways to help her improve.

1. Have her watch you masturbate — and make yourself come.

It’ll show her just what you’re like right when you’re on the edge and also hopefully clue her into all your “tells” when you’re enjoying something. If she knows what you’re like when you really orgasm, she’ll try and replicate that on her own.

2. Bring a vibrator into it.

Try to find something relatively inconspicuous (bullet vibrators are nice and small) and show her how to work it on your clit during sex. Or just place it there and sandwich it between your bodies so it works for both of you.

3. Propose a little BDSM where you’re in control.

If she’s into it, tie her up and tell her exactly what you want her to do to you. She won’t think twice about your instructions if it’s part of a sexy game.

4. Take her hand and guide her.

Show, don’t tell. It’s true of storytelling and also sex. Actively helping her feels sexy, as opposed to awkwardly trying to tell her what to do with bad dirty talk.

5. Watch a sexy lesbian film together (and make sure to queue up a few clips of things you want to try).

Say something like “I’d love you to touch me like that” while the two of you watch a scene together is always a hot way to request trying something different.

6. Bring her into a different room for sex.

She has her go-to bedroom sex moves down, but if you’re in a new environment, you’re going to have to get creative. Use it as an opportunity to try new positions (doggy-style bent over the kitchen counter?) or angles that work better for you.

Pay Attention: 9 Tips For A Better Orgasm With Your Girlfriend

Lesbian Author, Jenny Block is a lifestyle writer and the author of O Wow: Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm, so we decided to ask her for some top tips.

1. Tell you partner what works for you.

You don’t have to be bossy. You don’t have to be mean or tell her that she’s doing something wrong. Just say, “I love it when you…” Or I sure would like it if you’d…” Your partner wants to please you. Give her the chance.

2. Breathe.

It can be very tempting to hold your breath when you’re turned on. But breathing will make your orgasm that much deeper and stronger. Your muscles need oxygen for exercise and sex is definitely a physical pursuit.

3. Let go.

Forgot about the time. Forget about the laundry. Forget about what you look like naked. There’s plenty of time. The laundry can wait. And you look incredibly sexy – otherwise there wouldn’t be someone waiting to devour you.

4. Forget everything you know.

Sticking to an old script can mean missing out on all kinds of new sensations. So let go of what you know – or what you think you know – and use pleasure as your only guide. If it feels good (and it involves enthusiastically consenting adults of course) go for it.

5. Move.

It’s ok to move your body. In fact it’s great! And – trust me – your partner will love it because it shows you’re enjoying what she’s doing. So lift your hips, rock your pelvis, get to moving around. Don’t miss out on anything that enhances the fun.

6. Make noise.

Sex feels good. It should any way. And when we experience a sensual pleasure, our inclination is to make noise. So give in and sigh, moan, pant, scream, whisper, talk dirty, whatever the moment inspires. Just like when you move, making noise tells your partner she’s got all the right moves.

7. Love your body.

You only get one and it’s your home. So love it. Thank it for gifting you with the only organ in the universe created solely for pleasure – the almighty clit. Loving your body will inspire your partner to love yours – and hers – as well.

8. All hail the clit.

It’s likely no mystery to you that the clit is it. But keep in mind that the external bud you see on the outside is literally just the tip of the iceberg. The rest is nestled inside, including long legs that rival the average penis in length. So rub and press and penetrate and play in any and every way to get the most bang out of your orgasm.

9. Go blended.

For most women, the blended orgasm is their ultimate orgasm. So don’t be afraid to really get in there and go for the blended. A blended orgasm involves vaginal penetration, clitoral stimulation, and a little back door play, if you’re game! Get all three going at once – using a combination of mouth, hands, and toys – and you’ll be seriously seeing stars.

You can purchase Jenny Block’s book here.

Photo source: Steph Grant – www.stephgrantphotography.com

Why Lesbian Sex Is Better…

Ummm hello!! Do we really need explain why lesbian sex is better?

Because you do know scientist have already ascertained the sex between two women generates much better orgasms.

So merry early Christmas lesbians!

Researchers at the Kinsey Institute surveyed over 6,000 men and women about their sex lives and, boo-yah, the lesbians were revealed to be quite good at coming.

Watch the video below, as Arielle Scarcella breaks down why The Gay Ladies get to have better sex.

Queer Urban Talk | The Truth About Strap-Ons (Video)

So you’ve now got this appendage that you’ve never used before. It’s attached to your hips, which is unlike any other appendage you have, and it requires a specific muscle set to be able to control it the way you really want… Ah strap-ons.

Watch and be prepared to laugh.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3Bl26lCH3c

13 Wonderful Erogenous Zones Your Girlfriend Should Be Paying Attention To

As we unearth our sexuality; and we learn more and more about what give us pleasure.

We discover it’s not always the most obvious places – namely, our genitals – that just turn us on.

We have these wonderful erogenous zones. These secret places that remain hidden, until one day we notice them when someone actually starts touching us there – stimulating a previously uncovered zone that’s starts to burt with new, erotic energy.

Here are 13 of those mysterious, sexually enchanting erogenous zones.

1. Your lips

Yes, it’s true. If she knows how to manipulate your lips just right through kissing, licking, sucking and biting, it is very possible that a kiss will lead to a lot more than that.

2. You inner thighs

Oh yes. This spot will get anyone in the mood fast, mainly because it’s torturously close to our genitals.

3. The backs of your knees

The backs of the knees are very sensitive to touch. There are a bundle of nerve ending theres, which respond well to being lightly touched or massaged.

4. Your nose

Did you know your nose contains the most nerve endings out of all parts on your face (next to your lips, that is)? And it’s a surprising erogenous zone for both you and your partner. This is how the classic “Eskimo kiss” came to be.

5. Your nipples

For many women, nipples are key stimulation spots. And yes, nipple orgasms are a real thing.

6. Your belly button

If you put your finger in your own belly button, you can sometimes feel the sensation in your clit. It can feel like you have to pee or like you’re being tickled. That’s because the belly button and the clitoris grew from the same tissue at birth, so they’re neurologically connected.

7. Your toes

Ever wondered where the term “toe-curling orgasm” comes from? According to science, there are clear links between toes and your vagina, which cause your toes to reflexively curl when you reach climax. So when they’re touched, this will stimulate certain feelings.

8. Small of the your back

The sacral nerves, which are a cluster of nerves located in the small of your back, shoot right to your vagina, and are a great source of pleasure.

9. Ears

The ears and the ear lobs are massive erogenous zone, so have her nibble them.

10. Nape of neck

The back of your neck is a great spot. It’s a very sensual part of your body. To activate this area, your girlfriend can massage or rub your shoulders and seductively make a trail of soft kisses from your hairline to the base of your neck. This combination should really hit the spot.

11. Your lower abs

Some women have actually been able to achieve orgasm through core exercises (yes, “coregasms”), so activating this area during sex is a good call.

12. Your scalp

The scalp is a wonderful place for stimulation. Scalp massage releases the stress hormone oxytocin, which calms us while simultaneously increasing arousal.

13. You mind

Ah, yes — the mind is one of the greatest pleasure points out there. Try to connect with your partner on a deeper, more intellectual level. After all, if you can stimulate with your mind, stimulating with your hands will be that much better.

Study Shows Your Biggest Regret in Life Will Be a Failed Relationship

That’s right, I’m talking about the one that got away. That missed connection. The almost-love match… If you’ve ever experienced romantic regret, you have a whole lot of company.

According to the New York Times, researchers at the Northwestern University and the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign recently surveyed 370 American adults, ages 19 to 103, about their biggest regrets in life. What did the participants most wish for? A love do-over.

Relationship regrets scored the highest marks, especially among women. Nearly half of all ladies polled, 44 percent, had romantic regrets, with only 19 percent of men claiming the same.

Also, single women tended to dwell on their past heartaches more than those who had moved on to new, committed relationships.

Those who discussed their lost loves focused on that age-old topic: The one that got away.

Interestingly, those surveyed were equally split between regret for situations where they took action, versus regret for scenarios where they failed to act.

Those who felt remorse for not having worked harder to save their lost love tended to harbour the regret for significantly longer than those who regretted actions taken.

The longer-ago regrets tend to focus on lost opportunities, things you could have done or should have done different.

More recent regrets tend to focus on things you did do that you wish you could take back.”

Psychologist and professor at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern Neal J. Roese, said

Regret feels bad, but on average, regret is a helpful emotion. The most helpful way to experience regret is to feel it deeply, get over it quickly and move on and use it to push you to new behaviours that are going to be helpful.”

Use each romantic entanglement as a learning experience. Then, move on.

“The one that got away” really means “The one that wasn’t meant to be.”

And hey—that just means there’s someone better out there.

5 ‘Perfectly Okay’ Reasons To Have Sex On The First Date

The problem with first dates is they can be awkward.

They usually involve some kind of drink or meal, and there’s always that hesitant question at the forefront of both your minds: Are we going to have sex later?

First-date sex has become a topic of controversy, with many of us still believing in the shameful stigma attached to it.

Despite our generally enlightened attitudes in this new-age hook-up culture, we’re still viewing sex on the first date as a make-or-break moment, leaving most of us to agonise over what the right move is.

But, having sex on the first date shouldn’t negatively impact your chances of a long-term relationship.

If you’re feeling hot and you want it, then you should have absolutely no qualms about going for it.

Here are 5 reasons why you totally have sex on the first date.

1. It cuts the sexual tension

If you don’t have sex early on, the pressure to have it builds up. Each subsequent date becomes a constant mind-game of “Should I keep waiting? We’ve been on three dates, should I just do it?

And because we become wary about when to move the relationship into the bedroom it makes us more prudish when we finally get down to it. We become more awkward and over-analytical about why it’s not happening.

2. You’ll hopeful want her coming back for more

Having sex on the first date actually benefits you and increases your chances of a second meeting.

3. Chemistry is chemistry

If there’s chemistry, there’s chemistry. And it doesn’t really matter if we hook up on date one or date seven. You don’t need to turn sex on the first date into this momentous decision. If you both are into each other, then there’s no good reason not to enjoy each other more.

4. Its not just, they may want it too

So don’t be hesitant on her behalf. Chances are she wants it just as badly as you do, and she isn’t condemning the act either.

5. You find out if you’re really connected

Sexual compatibility is important part of a relationship. By having sex on the first date, you get to establish that special connection early on. And if it’s enjoyable, it’ll only increase your attraction to one another.

What we all have to remember is what matters is how much you like each other and are attracted to each other. This will determine how many dates they have, and whether she calls you back.

It appears that the first-date-sex couples usually don’t last because people don’t know each other very well on first dates and they have a high rate of failure regardless of sex.

Why Its Not Just in Your Head – 11 Signs She’s Emotional Cheating on You

An intimate lesbian relationship consists of a framework of emotional connections that create a bond between two women.

Its not just a physical romance (sex, kissing, and hugging), but an emotionally one.

You share stories, offer emotional support, provide loving words, nurture and support. You are attentive to you girlfriend in more ways than one.

It’s a mix of both aspects — physical and emotional — is important to a healthy relationship.

But when one piece goes missing, the intimate bond begins to deteriorate.

Emotional cheating is often far more destructive to a lesbian relationship than physical infidelity. It can go much further before it is acknowledged, because the line between “friendship” and “emotionally intimate relationship” is often blurred.

There isn’t just one act that points to cheating.

Physical cheating is easy to define for most people — it’s a specific sexual act.

But what constitutes emotional cheating?

1. She starts to disconnect from you. When she gets attention and emotional reinforcement from someone else, she may start detaching from you. She’ll stop discussing problems or bad days with you, because this need is being met outside of your relationship.

2. She spends more time connecting – be it talking on the phone, texting or spending time together – than she does with you.

3. She doesn’t want to be intimate with you. When people become connected to the fantasy of another person. This can included an imagined sexual relationship, and therefore intimacy with you feels like an emotional betrayal to the other woman.

4. She seeks and gives a majority of her emotional support to this other woman.

5. She’s constantly checking out her Facebook profile. Once an emotional affair is in place, Facebook often becomes a primary way they communicate. They also make the relationship easier to hide.

6. She depends on someone other than you (her significant other) to meet her needs – to feel loved, connected and feel significant.

7. Someone else distracts her when she should be present in your relationship.

8. You catch her saying “we’re just friends” way too often. Those words are usually said to rationalise something we know is wrong.

9. She starts to keep secrets. If your girlfriend is trying to hide something from you, you’re probably going to notice, especially if you live together. She might start taking her phone into the bathroom or will stop texting the moment when you walk into the room.

10. She becomes more critical of you In addition to pulling away emotionally or physically, your partner might also put you down. Why, one reason is because she’s starting to compare you to the fantasy of the other person. The other is guilt.

11. She gets defensive if you happen to criticise the object of her affection, she gets extremely defensive if anything even slightly negative is say about the person she likes.

Emotional cheating is very real thing. In fact, over half of all emotional affairs start out innocently as online friendships. More than 70% of those friendships or flirtations will end up as real time affairs.

Does Your Cheating Girlfriend Deserve a Second Chance?

Is cheating worth breaking up over?

We all know someone who has been in a rotten relationship, where their pattern cheats or lies to them. Yet, no matter what they are willing to give that someone a second chance.

But, does anyone really deserve a second chance?

Should we simply move on the first time that we break up? When and how does someone deserve a second chance?

The biggest issues are always cheating and trust. (Usually in that order.)

If someone cheats on you (or has an affair, whatever terminology you prefer) does she deserve a second chance? Should you break it off?

Well, you know as well as I do that if you discover that your lover is a cheater – you will end up having trust issues and no matter how hard you try, what you do, or your individual situation: you’ll have a hard time trusting your partner again (if you ever trust them again).

You know that as soon you have the slightest suspicion that they’re up to no good; you’ll obsess. You’ll question, And you’ll suspect, and soon the question of whether or not your partner is being faithful will consume majority of your thoughts.

So, what if you discover your girlfriend is cheating or has cheated – What do?

In the past, I’ve gone both ways on this subject. I’ve handed out second chances like they were candy on Halloween, and I’ve also cut my losses and moved on.

The woman I continued to let come back (and yes, it happened more than once) eventually showed that she was never going to change, so I cut her loose. She and I had dated on and off for 2.5 years. She’s married now (surprisingly) and still calls from time to time wanting to know if we can “get together”, which I know means more than a simple coffee date

It also shows me that she hasn’t changed. Three years after our break up and she’s still the same.

So, what would you do in the event you uncovered an affair?

13 Facts About Kissing Women You Definitely Need To Know

The word “kiss” needs no introduction. An neither does it need any description. But I am pretty sure none of you know these crazy facts about kissing.

Read on to know some pretty awesome stuff:

1. One kiss requires the coordination of a total of 146 muscles

This includes 34 facial muscles and 112 postural muscles. That is quite a serious workout!

2. Kissing burns 2 to 6 calories per minute

3. It is possible for a woman to reach an orgasm through kissing

4. It can boost your mood instantly

The levels of dopamine- one of the most important neurotransmitters, spike during kissing, leading to a rush of elation and craving and can also result in the obsessive thoughts that many of us experience with a new romance – almost like an addiction.

5. Our love for kissing comes from… rats?

An ancient rat-like creature called Eomaia Scansoria, which lived sometime between 75 and 125 million years ago, is the common ancestor for both mice and humans. Kazushige Touhara and colleagues at the University of Tokyo believe that our affinity for kisses descends from this ancient rat. The science team theorizes that this creature would rub noses with a mate to sample his or her pheromones and signal desire.

6. Origin of the word “kiss”

The word “kiss” comes from the Old English word cyssan, which technically means “to kiss.” No one is completely positive where cyssan comes from, but it is thought that it represented the sound people make when they kiss.

7. You can have a career in kissing

The study of kissing is called Philematology, and someone who studies’ kissing is called an Osculologist.

8. 10% of the world doesn’t kiss

Would you believe me if I told you that there existed people who did not know about kissing? Mangaia Island, which is about 18 million years old, is the oldest island in the Pacific Ocean. The people here had never heard of kissing until the English introduced them to the practice in the 1700s.

Although as of today, 90% of the world enjoys the art of kissing, the rest 10% does not do so. For example, certain areas in Sudan believe that the mouth is the window to the soul, and they fear that it can be stolen by mouth-to-mouth contact.

9. On average, two-thirds of people tip their heads to the right when they pucker up.

A German researcher observed over 100 couples and noted that two-thirds of them tilted their heads to the right, too. Experts think this instinct originates from the womb when we naturally tilted our heads to the right.

10. In Nevada, it is illegal to kiss with a moustache

11. Kissing is good for your health

Kissing has long been thought to be a way to pass along bugs and thus strengthen the body’s defenses. Scientific research also says that kissing increases the levels of oxytocin, the body’s natural calming chemical and also increases endorphins, the body’s feel-good chemicals.

12. Lips are 100 times more sensitive than the tips of the fingers. Not even genitals have as much sensitivity as lips.

13. Kissing is all about exchanging information

The exchange of saliva allows us to figure out information about our partner on a subconscious level. A kiss can convey the genetic compatibility of a mate, the condition of their immune system and how willing they are to raise children. Even if you’ve paired off with a perfect match from a shared interest dating site, you have lots in common and their kissing technique is good, on a subconscious level you may reject them because of how your body has responded to this exchange of information.

According to Science the Longer You Wait, Statistically Determines the Longer You Date

Humans are not know for their patience. In fact, the entire evolution of modern technology has pretty much revolved around one main premise: eliminate waiting time.

We live in a era of instant gratification. However, patience is still, and will always be, a virtue. And just because certain things may come to you quicker, it doesn’t always translate positively to quality.

According to Jeanna Bryner of LiveScience, “delaying sex makes better relationships,” as studies show.

Couples who had sex the earliest – such as after the first date or within the first month of dating – had the worst relationship outcomes,”

Results of one study conducted by researcher Dean Busby and his colleagues at Brigham Young University’s School of Family Life, concluded the reasoning behind this belief is once sex is introduced in the early stages of a relationship.

… [this] rewarding area of the relationship overwhelms good decision-making and keeps couples in a relationship that might not be the best for them in the long run.”

Sex early in relationships, as Bryner writes, skews focus away from vital aspects such as communication and commitment, due to the instant pleasure that comes with sex.

Susanne Alexander, a relationship coach, told WebMD,

It becomes much more difficult to objectively see each other’s character traits [when sex is introduced early].”

The sex might be the driving force behind the first few months of your relationship, but when you actually start to discover the more nonsexual aspects of your significant other, you may realize this person is not who you thought she was.

According to Bryner research,

Relationships fared better and better the longer a person waited to have sex, up until marriage, with those hitting the sack before a month showing the worst outcomes.”

Statistics showed when compared to the “early” group, those who waited until marriage rated:

Relationship stability 22% higher.
Relationship satisfaction 20% higher.
Sexual quality 15% better.
Communication 12% better.

Busby reported while 40% of couples are “essentially sexual” within the first two dates, when individually asked if they could trust their significant others with their pets for the weekend, “many could not answer this in the affirmative.”

This shows the lack of true trust between a great deal of sexual partners, today.

Of course, waiting until marriage is a bit extreme, but still, these statistics do present a strong case for waiting — however long you choose to — instead of rushing right into sex. Ultimately, sex requires maturity, as do relationships.

Part of maturity is knowing what’s best for the big picture, regardless of impulsive desires.

The Rise of Casual Sex Between Women

New York Magazine recently reported that Americans are now more OK with casual sex than they were in the 90s.

According to the data from the nationally representative General Social Survey of 33,380 Americans over 18, 37% have had casual sex in the past year, compared to 32% in the 90s.

In addition, Americans have had more sexual partners over the course of their adult lifetime now than they did in the 90s.

There are a lot of reasons these more relaxed attitudes exist.

The media are more open about same-sex relationships.

There has never been more sex in mass media than there is now — and that’s a good thing because we are no longer viewing sex as a something shameful, secretive or taboo.

Sex has always been a normal part of everyday life, but now that normality is reflected in the media, too.

Even more so, being confronted with these images of sex and sexuality in the media forces us to have conversations about them.

Also read: The 10 Best Things About Being a Lesbian That No One Tells You

Feminism gives women more choices, especially when it comes to sex.

For women, the most important component about modern-day feminism is choice.

Thanks to feminism, we can choose our careers, our motherhood status and our skirt length. Most importantly, we can choose how much sex we want to (or don’t want to) have.

No longer are women expected to remain virgins until marriage. No longer does the number of people they’ve slept with define them.

The Madonna-whore complex has been rendered bullsh*t, and the reclaiming of the words “slut” and “whore” has given women freedoms they’d never before experienced.

Today, when it comes to sex, anything goes.

The Western World is less religious.

Religion might be great for a lot of things, but sex-positivity is not one of them.

According to data from the Pew Research Center, 20% of Americans are not religious.

With religion comes a perspective on sex that’s generally of the more conservative variety.

The fact that Americans are less religious means they aren’t adhering to beliefs that cast sexuality in a shameful light.

When you don’t affiliate yourself with a religion, you’re free to make your own decisions about your sex life without any reservations or guilt.

The boom of the Internet makes sex-related information more accessible.

With the rise of the Internet in the past decade, it’s never been easier to search for anything sex related, including how-tos, advice and, yes, visual stimulation. And by visual stimulation, I mean porn.

Statistics over the years have exaggerated exactly how much porn is on the Internet, but that doesn’t discredit porn’s effect.

Out of the top one million most popular websites on the Internet, about 4% are sex related.

Information about sex on the Internet may not always be reliable, but this doesn’t stop people from seeking it out anyway.

Also read: 5 Common Misconceptions About Lesbians

Dating apps make it easy to find sex.

Tinder, GayDar Girls, Her – if you think of a word and awkwardly tweak the spelling, there’s probably a casual sex app with that name.

Thanks to these dating apps, we now treat sexual prospects like we treat weekly food shop.

Much like you’d browse through veg at supermarket, you can browse through prospects in your bedroom, on the train, at the club, on the toilet — literally anywhere.

Seeking out sex has never been easier or more convenient, which further normalises it.

Instead of the “walk of shame,” it’s called the “stride of pride.”

A one-night stand is officially no longer a “walk of shame.” Now, it’s a “stride of pride,” which gives casual sex a whole new positive meaning.

We no longer live in a world in which you should feel guilty for engaging in sex with another women. You get it. Just let your freak flag fly.

Same-Sex Relations to be De-Criminalised in Mozambique

The Mozambique, situated in southern Africa, will officially be added to the list of countries with no law against same-sex relations as from 29th June this year.

Legislators specifically revised the penal code that allowed ‘security measures’ to be taken against people ‘who habitually engage in vices against nature’. A clause used to discriminate against and prosecute LGBTI people. Punishment could have been up to 3 years in ta workhouse. However, officials say this was done rarely it was considered by many to be a meaningless clause in the statute books.

Agencia de Informacao de Mocambique said:

The new Penal Code sweeps away a great deal of the musty colonial legacy, including the mention of “vices against nature” Now not even the most contorted of arguments could claim that acts of gay sex between consenting adults are somehow illegal.”

Lambda, the country’s LGBTI rights group, has pushed for the government to fully recognize same-sex relationships. While gay sex may be legal come the end of June, this does not mean LGBTI people are guaranteed equality.

Our primary interest is to precipitate a change in society so that it becomes more favourable to the free expression of sexual orientation and gender identity. The silence of the Mozambican state legitimises discrimination and strengthens the stigma to which LGBT people are subject in the communities, workplaces, schools, etc.

Above all, it perpetuates the idea that LGBTI citizens are less important than all other Mozambicans, thus placing them in a situation of inferiority, disadvantage and inequality.”

In the past, Joaquim Chissano, president of Mozambique, has pleaded for African leaders to be respectful of the human rights of sexual minorities and move away from discriminating against them.

Chissano, the current co-chair of the High-Level Task Force for the International Conference on Population and Development (ICPD) made the comments in an open letter published by The Africa Report as African leaders finalise a document that will replace the United Nations Millennium Development Goals for Africa after 2015.

The Worlds Most Sexually Satisfied Countries

Is it time to move? Maybe so if you live in the UK or USA, as they do not even feature in a new list of the most sexually satisfied countries.

According to a Durex global survey of 26,000 people, aged 16 and older, across 26 countries, only 44 per cent of people are fully satisfied with their sex lives.

If people are in good mental and physical health; free from stress and sexual dysfunction; and have frequent sex and foreplay, then they are more likely to be satisfied.

Also read: What to do When You’re Bored with Sex?

According to Durex:

Achieving orgasm is a key driver of sexual satisfaction. Just 48 per cent of us said that they usually orgasm.”

Here are the top most sexually satisfied countries

Switzerland
Spain
Italy
Brazil
Greece
The Netherlands
Mexico
India
Australia
Nigeria
Germany
China

What to do When You’re Bored with Sex?

When it comes to long term relationships it’s easy to turn on the auto pilot switch and neglect each other.

You have your life with your friends and family and she has her life. You are living in the same house leading parallel lives with very little interaction.

Both of you have the need for intimacy and connection, and neither knows how to bridge the gap to find the spark you once had. So what do you do?

Also read: 5 Ways to Electrify Your Sex Life

15 Thoughts You Have When She is Taking to Long

We have all been there: that moment when your lady is taking way too long to get to that point. Your jaw is getting stiff, your tongue can’t keep to that set speed much longer, your wrist is cramping, and you just need your sleep, as you’re in work in 4 hours.

Your mind is wondering… its going to place it shouldn’t, especially considering your meant to be in the throes of passion.

1. Like, I thought you said you were close… like 15 minutes ago.

2. I wonder if there are any good movies out right now…

3. I must remember to email my [insert colleagues names] when I get into work.

4. Ouch, my jaw is starting to hurt. In fact I think it may have locked.

5. I really don’t understand…Am I doing it wrong?

6. Is she enjoying this?

7. I need the bathroom, but when she’s finished she’ll want to cuddle. Will it be rude for me to just get up and use the loo?

8. Yes! I think she’s there.

9. No. False alarm.

10. My last GF didn’t take this long.

11. Should I speed up or slow down? Communicate women!

12. Why is she so quiet?

13. God, I just want her to finish so I can go to sleep.

14. I’m starting to get sore.

15. Seriously women, WTF is taking you so long?

Are Rigid (Lesbian) Stereotypes Limiting Our Sex Life? Moushumi Ghose & Jenoa Harlow Discuss

Moushumi Ghose and Jenoa Harlow are hosts of The Sex Talk, a web-series focusing on sex education, relationship and dating advice, which hopes to raise awareness, and promote healthy positive attitudes about sex and sexuality.

Moushumi Ghose is a sex therapist. Jenoa Harlow is an out actress sex enthusiast.

In this episode Mou and Jenoa discuss how rigid stereotypes, labels, roles, or having a ‘type’ that you are into might limit you from meeting someone really special.

According to New Research, Lesbians Have Better Sex

It’s official, Lesbians have better sex – well thats according to researches at Indiana University. Women in lesbian relationships are more likely to reach orgasm during sex than straight or even bisexual women. They are also likely to have orgasms with more variety.

The study has found men reach orgasm an average 85% of the time when they have sex with a familiar partner, compared to 63% on average for straight women. That figure rose to 75% for lesbians but dropped to 58% for bisexual women.

Researchers have suggested same-sex female sex ‘lasts longer’. Gay women are also ‘more comfortable with the female body’.

‘One possible explanation is that…lesbian women are more comfortable and familiar with the female body and thus, on average, are better able to induce orgasm in their female partners,’ the Journal of Sexual Medicine study said.

Findings from this large dataset of US singles suggest that women, regardless of sexual orientation, have less predictable, more varied orgasm experiences than do men and that for women, but not men, the likelihood of orgasm varies with sexual orientation.

These findings demonstrate the need for further investigations into the comparative sexual experiences and sexual health outcomes of sexual minorities.’

Indiana University

More than 6,500 men and women between 21 years old and 65 years old in America took part in the study led by Indiana University.