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How To Tell If Your Girlfriend is Secretly Perfect

If this list sounds like it was written about your partner, you probably owe her a thank you.
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We all have our own expectations when it comes to our relationships. Different preferences, different “types”, and different labels make everything complicated, and every person has a slightly different idea of what’s truly perfect. But if your girlfriend has these 28 qualities and you don’t offer her the same in return, she’s secretly perfect – and she deserves a partner who will step up to the plate and be perfect with her. Are you willing to be that person?


1. She doesn’t check in all the time.

She expects you to tell her if you’re not going to keep your promises to her, but she doesn’t bother asking you about every second of your day. She trusts you, and she has her own stuff going on.


2. She carries her own bags.

Not only does she not need your help, but she’s proud to carry the things she’s earned. She makes her own money, so she doesn’t mind carrying her own wallet. She buys her own gifts, so she’ll carry the bags without question. If it’s something she needs help with, she’ll ask, but she’s not going to expect help for the things she’s capable of doing herself.


3. She doesn’t expect you to be a gentleman/gentlewoman.

Even though she appreciates when you do the chivalrous things like pulling out her chair and opening doors for her, she understands that you deserve that treatment, too. She won’t make a fuss if you don’t treat her like a queen, because she already knows she is a queen.


4. She refuses to apologize for the things she can’t change.

She knows her body is perfect as is, and if you can’t accept it, you don’t deserve to see it naked. She’s not hung up on that little bit of extra weight she put on when she was off work, and she’s not going to apologize that her butt doesn’t look like J-Lo’s. She won’t change her appearance just because you don’t like something – she’s the one who has to live with it. Not you.


5. She doesn’t expect to get along with all of your friends – but she’ll still be nice.

She respects the fact that there are going to be some disagreements, but she knows she’s not dating your friends – she’s dating you. She would never be rude to them, just because she doesn’t particularly care for them, and she won’t badmouth them, because that’s not very mature.


6. She knows what’s best, but she doesn’t micromanage.

Most likely, she’ll have an idea of your schedule, so she’ll be able to remind you to return that shirt that was the wrong size – but she’s not going to pester you about doing it when she thinks it should be done. That is, of course, unless you ask for more detailed help – she doesn’t mind giving you advice when you ask for it.


7. She’s reliable and dependable.

If she says she’s going to be somewhere, she will. If something else comes up that’s more important, she’ll let you know so you’re not waiting around for her. But she won’t expect you to drop your plans just because she can’t attend – she knows it’s just as important that you have your own time as it is that you have “couple” time.


8. She spends time with friends and family, without you sometimes.

She doesn’t expect you to want to see her mom as much as she does, and she knows that you don’t like all of her friends. If she’s going to spend the night at her sister’s place, she might invite you along, but she’s not going to be upset if you politely decline. All of the relationships in her life are important, and that means that she’s going to fly solo sometimes. Believe it or not, she’s okay with that.


9. She’s mature enough to have the difficult conversations.

If there’s something you’ve done that bothers her, she won’t hesitate to bring it up. She doesn’t care about awkwardness, because part of being in a relationship is being comfortable with the important issues – even if they don’t seem so important to you at the time. She knows what’s important to her and she won’t settle for anything less.


10. She gets emotional with movies and songs.

Love songs are enough to make her smile, because she’s thinking of you when she hears them. Sad movies will make her cry, and she won’t try to hide those tears. She knows that emotions are important, even the “silly” ones.


11. She tells you what she wants in the bedroom.

She won’t apologize if she tells you “no” for something you want to do to her – after all, that’s her body, and it’s a privilege that you get to touch it. She accepts that you’re going to do the same sometimes, and she wants your honesty when it comes to what you want.


12. She would never ask you to choose between her and your family.

She understands that she doesn’t have to get along with your family, but that doesn’t mean that she can place herself above them. She’s mature enough to realize that there is room in your life for both types of relationship and she’d never have it any other way.


13. She does her best to get along with the important people in your life.

They might not see eye to eye, but you’re important to her, and she knows that they are important to you – and, by association, that means that getting along with them is important to her, too. She won’t sacrifice her core beliefs, but she will “play nice” and make sure she’s fair with the things she says about them.


14. She actually orders what she wants to eat.

If she orders a salad, you know it’s because she actually wants a salad – not because she feels the need to watch her figure. If she wants a burger, she’s going to order a burger, and she probably won’t appreciate you ordering for her – unless, of course, she asks for help deciding.


15. She surprises you with things she thinks you’ll like.

The gifts she gets you aren’t things she wants you to like – they’re things you actually already like. She knows that she’s with you because of who you are, not because of who she could turn you into.


16. She won’t tolerate your bullshit.

She’s going to call you on your crap when you’re out of line, and she genuinely wants you to do the same to her. She knows that relationships aren’t about agreeing all the time, but about helping each other become the best possible version of ourselves.


17. She gives you space after a fight.

She knows that people sometimes need space to cool down, so she’ll give it to you, without you having to ask. She won’t chase you if you walk out the door – she knows you’ll be back when you’re ready to talk things out more calmly.


18. She doesn’t feel the need to have the upper hand.

She knows that there’s no reason you should be competing – you should be equal partners. Neither of you needs to be “better” or “more in-control” than the other, because that’s childish stuff she left in high school.


19. She doesn’t compare you to anyone else.

Even if she used to date Michelle Rodriguez or Beyonce (or maybe just a look-alike), she’ll never compare you to them, because she knows that people are all unique and comparisons serve no practical purpose. She doesn’t hold you to any unrealistic expectations.


20. She’s not in it for the title.

Whether she personally wants to get married or not, she understands that a lack of a marriage certificate doesn’t invalidate your relationship. There’s no race to a specific title, and she’d rather have a loving girlfriend than a loveless wife. It’s all about quality with her, not labels.


21. She lets you know she cares.

She might not come right out and say she loves you every time the thought crosses her mind, but you’ll know the feeling is there. You’ll never have to question her feelings, because she’s not two-faced about things. She has no time to play games, because she’s too busy being an amazing girlfriend.


22. She encourages you to reach for the stars.

She’s your own personal cheerleader, but she’s not going to push you into something that you don’t want. She knows that it’s important to have your own goals, and she doesn’t really mind if your ambitions are different than hers – as long as you have some ambition.


23. She doesn’t try to make you jealous.

There’s no benefit for her to let you know about all the people who want her – because she only wants you. All those other people are irrelevant, and she’ll politely shut them down without needing you to step in and “protect her honor”.


24. She takes care of herself.

She doesn’t need you to cook for her or clean up after her or remind her to change her socks – because she is an adult. She doesn’t mind doing things for you, but she will let you know if she thinks you need to step up – she’s not going to do all the cooking, all the cleaning, or all the dog-walking. She doesn’t want to be your mother or your child – she wants to be your partner.


25. She has her own opinions.

Some of her opinions are naturally going to align with yours, but she understands that a difference of opinions doesn’t mean that you can’t get along. There might be an occasional “I don’t know” thrown in there, but she’s not going to wait for you to think for her.


26. She would never put you down to her friends or family – even jokingly.

You feel confident that she’s sticking up for you, even when you’re apart, and she doesn’t make blanket statements. She is happy to be with you, and she’s with you because she wants to be – not because she’s settling.


27. She knows what she wants in life.

She might not have everything mapped out, but she has at least a general idea of what she wants to do with her life, and you know that she includes you in these plans when possible. She doesn’t feel the need to run everything by you first, because she knows that she doesn’t need you – she wants you.


28. You feel lucky to be with her – because you are.

If you feel like she’s out of your league, and not because of her looks, it’s because she’s amazing. However, she’d never throw it in your face that she’s better than you, because she knows that people are different. All she wants is for you to treat her with love and respect – and not because of some bogus princess complex. It’s because she knows she deserves respect, and she knows she doesn’t have to be with someone who won’t treat her like an equal.


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Barbara is a 26-year-old lesbian living in California with her partner (and their “fur babies” - an adorably chubby puppy named Porkchop and a ball python named Ru). In the spare time she pretends to have, she enjoys horror movies, music of all varieties, reading, and complaining about the weather.

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