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How To Tell Your Girlfriend You’re Transgender

You're finally ready to tell your girlfriend that you're trans* - so how do you do it?
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Take a deep breath.

Your girlfriend loves you. And if she truly loves you, then she will want to support you during your transition. Trust her love and tell yourself that no matter what, things will be okay.


Think about what you want.

What pronouns would you like to use? Are you considering hormone therapy? Do you want your other friends to know, or would you like to keep this a secret for the time being? You don’t have to have all of the answers, but keeping these concerns in mind will help you and your girlfriend plan for what’s next.


Remind your partner that you’re not becoming a new person.

You’re not suddenly changing your gender – you’ve always felt like this gender and you’re finally going public about it. Although you may experience some hormonal changes as you start treatments, you won’t be changing who you are – you’re just becoming more of yourself.


Be prepared to answer questions.

Your partner might not know a lot about the T in LGBT, so they’ll probably have questions. If they ask, they’re not trying to belittle you or discredit your identity; they want to learn more about your experiences and understand how they can be a better partner.


Have a support system.

Whether it’s a therapist or a trusted circle of friends, make sure that your support system extends beyond your girlfriend. No matter how supportive your girlfriend is, she can’t help you with everything, and she’ll need to have her own support system as well.


Give her time to adjust.

Your girlfriend may not jump for joy right away. She may have questions and concerns. She may be shocked. If you’re coming out as a trans* man and she’s always considered herself a lesbian, then this may be a challenge to her identity. Give her some space to adjust on her own time and don’t ask her to decide anything right away.


Remember why you’re doing this.

This is hard. And, especially if your girlfriend is less than supportive, you may be tempted to go back in the closest. But this journey is about being true to yourself. It will be hard, but it will be worth it!

One Comment

  • reeve says:

    interesting there, not be coming a new person! have a look again at that! yes they are, of corse they are you need to look at that again! and I’m not being an arse here I’m a gay women that has experienced this! The person you are with, love or was with is changing so yes of course they are becoming a new person and likely to define themselves as straight! It’s a good article but doesn’t touch the surface.

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