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How To Tell Your Partner About Your Kinky Sexual Fantasies

Sometimes, you just need to bring in a little excitement.
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Have you ever been with someone who was totally amazing, but the sex was just mediocre?

I think most of us have experienced this at least once or twice, and it can be pretty frustrating if everything else is going so perfect. Our frustration can build until we just can’t stand the idea of one more boring sexual encounter.

OK, so maybe it’s not always that serious. Sometimes, we’re just trying to bring a little extra spice into things, even when things are already good. Even the best things can seem routine after a while, and your sex life is definitely no exception.

So, how do you tell your partner about the particular spice you want without making things awkward and uncomfortable?


Start with open communication in the rest of your relationship.

I know, I know – most relationship advice tells you that you should communicate more with your partner. If you ever start to feel like that’s a coincidence or a cop-out, remember that your partner can’t really understand what you want unless you tell her – and unmet expectations can cause a wealth of stress, anxiety, and disappointment. If you really care about your partner, you have an obligation to let her know what she can do to fix the things that might be wrong.

As an added bonus, communicating your needs outside the bedroom actually makes it a little easier to express your needs inside the bedroom. It’s a less awkward segue that leads to a more open and intimate relationship overall.


Add in some light dirty talk, if you aren’t already doing so.

When you get used to the idea of expressing your non-sexual needs, it’s time to start bringing a little dirtier interaction between the two of you. Whether you start with dirty text messages, phone sex, or some light commands within the confines of your bed, softer dirty talk makes it easier to bring in the dirtier stuff – the kinks, the fantasies, the whole shebang. If she doesn’t seem to be responsive to the added stimulation provided by your words, you can try to explain to her why you think it’s valuable – we’ve even got a mini guide to help you out in that department.

And, of course, if she is comfortable with the dirty talk, feel free to proceed to the next steps.


Tell her the mildest ones first.

Obviously, it’s easiest to start small and work your way up from there. This applies not only to your communication, but also to her acceptance of your kinks. Some women are going to share your kinky sex things, while others may be repulsed by them – so it’s important that you know the difference between a kink and a need. If your kinks are actually a sexual need, there’s a chance it could be a true sexual addiction – make sure you look into this.

As long as you’re okay with her shooting down the idea if she’s really not comfortable with it, there’s no problem with talking about the things you want to start incorporating.


Slowly work your way up.

Even if she is comfortable with the softer stuff, there’s no way to predict whether she’s open to the kinkier stuff. She has no obligation to follow through, and she has no obligation to continue the things that she has agreed to before. Remember that your sex life is about both of you, not just you. You should also do your best to accommodate her fantasies, whenever possible – your sexual fantasies tell a lot about who you are as a person, and giving yourself permission to explore them can do wonders for your relationship. So relax, and let yourself get a little kinky – as long as your partner is willing!


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